Monday, December 30, 2013

Spreading his wings

Bert is still talking to us even though we moved away from him and he brought us Christmas presents!  He gave Alex a LeapPad Ultra.  Yeah.  The look on my face when Alex opened it, immediately prompted Bert to proclaim it was really really on sale where he got it.  It better have been.

Needless to say, Alex loves it.  A lot.  We have yet to set up our wireless internet router, so it took me a couple days to get downstairs and set it up.  What?  It's a big house!  But now that it's set up, this kid is obsessed.  Yesterday morning, his first request was to play his LeapPad.  He was of course naked, so I made him a blanket nest on the couch.

Me - Here, I made you a little nest.  Now you're like a baby bird!
Alex - A baby bird that knows how to use a tablet!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Tech Saavy

Guess who found the front facing camera on my phone?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Check that off the list

Drove right past the house this morning on my way home from dropping Alex at daycare.  Whoops.

My baby.

Alex's status as my only baby has a ticking clock, and that clock has about 6 months left before running out and sounding it's infant screaming alarm.  That's right people, there's another Julius boy on the way.  June's about to get a little bit crazier.

Since Alex has been saying he wants a baby to live at our house for about a year, I thought he was going to be all excited when we told him.  I thought wrong.  He had zero reaction.  To the point that Travis and I asked him a couple times if he was listening.  His attitude has since changed.

Now, whenever anything is said about the baby, he chimes in with a comment about "his baby."  "My baby is going to sleep in my room with me."  "I'm going to feed my baby his baby bottle."  And when I told him he would have to let Daddy and I put the baby in the crib because the crib will be too tall for him reach?  "Well, we are going to have to find a crib low enough so I can put my baby in it."

This outta be interesting!

Slow it on down now.

This past week and a half was absolutely  nuts.  I could not have made it through everything without the help of awesome family and friends.  Claire's impeccable glassware packing skills, Kari's astounding get shit in boxes and go skills, Mariah's thoughtful cupcake delivery, the muscles and dedication of Chad, Brent, Jeffrey, Reid, and my father-in-law.  And all the "Go Team!"s and "You Can Do It!"s from the people that love us.  But most of all, I honestly don't know how I would've gotten through the insanity without the massive amounts of love, support, and help from my mom and Nicki.

They were there to hold Alex and my hands through an emotional, but fast and successful trip to the surgery center.  They boxed up more of my stuff than I did I'm pretty sure.  They lifted and cleaned and sorted and moved all of our belongings.  They boosted my confidence when it faltered, and made sure I knew everything was going to work out and everything was going to be ok.  And through it all, they kept us laughing.  So much laughing.

I prefer to just get things done myself.  I don't like needing people to do things for me.  I don't like putting my needs on other people, so I push through and try to figure it out and I don't ask for help.  They didn't wait for me to ask.  They refused my assurances that I could do it and that I didn't need them to go out of their way so much to help.  And thank everything under the sun they did.  I needed it.  Real bad like.

Thank you, Mom and Nicki.  Thank you so much.

Better Late Than Never!

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Right on Time

I went ahead and set up my forwarding for my mail since, you know, we're MOVING TOMORROW.  Don't you worry, I got this shit on lock. down.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


One of these days I will have some time to sit down and write a worthwhile post.  Between minor surgery for the beast, getting the house ready to sell, packing our mountains of stuff to move, and work being crazy train busy, I've been neglecting my little outlet here.  I'll be back people.  I'll be back.  Just gimmee a couple days.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

His mad track building skills can't be restricted by the common threads of the masses.  That just won't do.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

So Helpful

Have some pictures on your phone you didn't realize you wanted deleted??  No problem, just let Alex play on your phone for a couple minutes and he'll quickly switch to "organizing" your pictures for you.

Your photo gallery will shrink in no time!


Daycare had their annual Christmas party last Friday.  This year the preschool class, Alex's class, put on a little concert for us.  For weeks, they worked with the kids, ranging from 3 to 5 years old, and taught them Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Then they had the kids make little antler crowns to wear while they sang for us.  They made the antlers by tracing their hands and cutting out their hand prints.  Alex apparently does not understand how to curve the paper around when using a scissors.  He had very pointy dramatic finger antlers.  And he only had 4 on each side...I checked and he didn't cut off a finger, so I'm not really sure what happened there.  We'll just chalk it up to artistic license.  All in all, super cute.

Then we went to see Santa.  The line was long because Santa is suuuuuper thorough.  He spent anywhere from 3-5 minutes with each kid/set of siblings.  The one nice thing about that is it gave more times to get a decent picture.  This one is my absolute favorite:
Merry Christmas!!!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Saturday Night Races

I know you all think you had a rockin' Saturday night, but you weren't at the Julius house so...

Thursday, December 5, 2013

I don't even know.

A couple nights ago, Travis and I were eating, and Alex was in the living room.  Alex requested an episode of Backyardigans, and since I really wanted to sit and eat my burrito uninterrupted, I happily obliged.  I turned on the episode and headed back to the kitchen table.

Within a half minute, the child I left in the living room completely clothed, bounded into the kitchen completely naked.  I was mystified at how quickly he managed that task.  Travis, on the other hand, asked what was going on.  And the answer left me beyond speechless.

Why did he take his clothes off?  Because he wanted the dog to lick his butt.  Yep.

Out of the mouths of babes.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Lil' Christmas Cheer

This is what you get when you are moving 5 days before Christmas but yet refuse to not have a Christmas tree.  I present to you our new 3' tall beacon of the Christmas season.

Charlie Brown ain't got shit on us.

Monday, December 2, 2013


The only thing I like about packing all our crap to move is the purging of all the actual crap we don't need.  I used to like that in college a lot too, back when I was moving every year.  If I hadn't worn an article of clothing in a year, welp, I wasn't gonna wear it the next year.  To the donation pile!

But then, every once in a great while, you find something you forgot you couldn't live without.

Oh yeah, those are lights in the frames.  And they have multiple flashing settings.  I know you're jealous.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Alex is getting excited that we are moving.  It doesn't hurt that my parents brought two Jeeps worth of boxes to our house last Saturday, so we have stacks of boxes for him to play in.  You'd think at least some of those boxes would have things packed in them already since we are moving in 23 days.  You would think that and you would be mistaken.  That's what after Thanksgiving is for, right?

Anywho, last night he walked out of the kitchen telling me he'd be right back, but he needed to do some packin'.  He came back in about 10 minutes later with four small boxes stacked up, each with anywhere from 3-7 toys inside.  And that's when he told me he needed to start packing now, because he wanted to make sure we didn't forget any of his toys.  Priorities:  set.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Good Decisions

Alex and I headed to Farm and Fleet yesterday to get him some snow boots.  Good plan, until I remembered Toy Land at this particular store.  So I made a deal with him.  If he was patient and tried on all the boots I wanted him to try and all the gloves I wanted him to try, he could look at every single toy.  And man did he keep his end of the bargain.  He was so good in fact, he even got me to buy him a small tractor with a plow type trailer thingy.

On the way home, he asked if we could play outside so he could dig up some dirt with his new tractor.  Ummm...yeah.  It was 21 degrees and windy.  No outside.  But, we can put some flour in a pan and you can drive it around in that.  And here is where I say I am either the greatest mom in the world, or the dumbest mom in the world.  Whatever, flour cleans up.  And when you add a little corn meal to it, it's not nearly as dusty.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Dream Big

Last night at bedtime:

"Mom?  Can you wrap me up?  Like with a big part of my blanket under me and then some over me too."
"Sure, like you're in a sleeping bag?"
"YES!  Can you go to the grocery store tomorrow and get me a Packer's sleeping bag?  Wait.  Pfffft.  The grocery store doesn't have sleeping bags! HA!"
"You're right, it doesn't, but maybe I will be able to find you one somewhere else.  Or maybe you will get one for Christmas."
"OH!  Can you write a note to Santa?  You write my name and the sleeping bag and I'll write the number 4 so he knows I'm 4."

And then this morning at 6:15:

"Mom?  Moooom?  MOM!"
"What's up bud?"
"So when you go to the grocery store to get my sleeping bag, can you also get a new garbage truck for me?  I know I have a garbage truck, but I don't like that one anymore, and I want a new garbage truck that has a forklift because that's what I was dreaming about; a garbage truck with a forklift.  Can you find that for me?"

End scene.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Sick Dog

I don't know about you, but after a long week of insanely busy work, my super duper favorite thing to come home to on a Friday afternoon is 7 puddles of dog poo on the living room floor.  It was like a long line of dog shit stepping stones from the front door to the kitchen door.  7 of them.  And I know there were 7 because Alex kept counting them for me.  "Mom!  Aiden got sick.  But her sick was poop!  Look there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!!"  Yes, thank Captain Observant, now please go in your room while I try not to vomit whilst scraping half-liquid/half-dried poo off the living room floor.

I have no clue what she got into, but holy man.  The gas coming out of that dog could be used in chemical warfare.  She woke me up three times Friday night to go outside.  She seemed to be on the mend Saturday, but then pooped on the floor Sunday night.  And then last night, around 2am, she crawled into our bed and she smelled so bad I was forced to get up and check things out.  At least this time it was only 2 small spots.

So, in an effort to save my soon to be sold living room floor, the little stink bomb is with me at the office.  My coworker claims she isn't bombing his desk as badly as mine, but I have a sneaking suspicion he's just being nice.  Fingers crossed the rice and chicken diet clears things up soon!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Game on.

I am so busy at work, it's a little nutty.  Bullet point presentation:

  • Alex is back at day care after another day home.  
  • We had an inspection of our house last night and as long as he didn't find something horrendous we don't know about, we should be good to go with selling.
  • We put in an offer on a new house, got a counter offer, and will most likely accept that counter offer after some verbage tweaking.
  • If everything goes as planned, we will close on both houses on Dec. 20th.  Sounds like a nice calm, not at all coming up super fast or in the middle of holiday chaos, date, don't you think?
Holy.  Guacamole.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Movin' On Up!

Well, we have accepted an offer on our house!  As long as the inspector doesn't find something drastically wrong on Wednesday, we will be moving in a little under 2 months.  To where are we moving you ask?  HA!  Why would we have figured that out yet?  We have looked at some houses and have second walk throughs scheduled for two of them, so hopefully one of the two will be our new home.

Ready? Go!

Sick/Work Day

Yesterday, Alex woke up with a tight chest and a nasty little cough.  It sounded different from other chest stuff he's had in the past so I kept him home, and we visited Dr. Treehouse, only to find out it was just a cold.  Sweet.  Here's my co-pay.

Anywho, working from home with Alex not totally down and out is not an easy task.  Luckily, this kid could watch episodes of Mighty Machines non-stop forever I think, so I was able to get some work done.  I wasn't able to get much work done however when I accidentally fell asleep with Alex during his nap for TWO HOURS.  Whoopsiedoodle!  I didn't feel super throughout the morning and had a headache that wouldn't quit, so I figured I would lay down for a hot minute to get him to sleep.  Hot minute/two hours...potato/potahto.

He's feeling better today, but still insisted on telling anyone that paused long enough for him to start talking that he had to stay home yesterday because his chest was really tight.  And then he would just stand there, basking in the sympathy and attention.

Friday, November 8, 2013


This week has been crazy.

We signed with a realtor to get this house selling thing moving along and moving along it is.  We have had showings almost every day.  Which is great, but super exhausting.  Every time we have a showing, we have to make sure everything's clean and "staged," and get ourselves, Alex, and the dog out of the house for the time of the showing.  Luckily I work in a small casual office because the mutt's been coming with me to work a lot this week.

Add to that the crazy busy-ness that is the beginning of heating season at work, intermittent internet, and a doctor appointment for the beast and I'm pretty much done this week.

K, I think I'm done throwing myself a pity party.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Red Rooster Sauce

I learned a valuable lesson today:

Sriracha comes out of the bottle a whole lot faster when it hasn't been in the refrigerator than it does when refrigerated.

I had me some spicy Ramen for lunch today.

Personal Hygiene

Alex has been waking up and calling for me about once a night, pretty much every night for a while.  I know it's because I lay down with him until he falls asleep every night, but he isn't going to want me to snuggle him forever so I'm just taking what I can get.  At least that's the justification that has been getting the least amount of judgmental looks.  I know this is what is causing the problem because when he does wake up and summon me, he tells me he wanted me because he woke up and I wasn't there any more.

Anywho, last night, he called for me and I waited to make sure he wasn't just going to fall back asleep before I got down there.  By the third, "MOM!" I figured I better go.  I got to his room and he deployed his usual whimpery request for me to snuggle him.  I told him I had to go to the bathroom and would be right back.  I did have to go to the bathroom, but this also usually allows enough time for him to fall back asleep and in turn allows me to sneak back to my room.  Not so much this time.

I came back into his room to find him sitting on his bed with his hands folded in his lap.  I told him to lay down and he immediately and completely dead-pan responded, "I didn't hear the water."  Ummm, what?  What water?  He just kept saying he didn't hear the water.  Finally it hit me and I asked him if he was talking about the water from me washing my hands.  Yep.  That was it.  He was upset because I didn't wash my hands after going to the bathroom.

Listen kiddo, it's 4 in the morning and you brought me down here.  If I wanna snuggle you with pee hands, I'm gonna snuggle you with pee hands.  Go to sleep.


Like pretty much every other person I know, I am not a fan of shaving my legs.  And the oncoming winter with it's cold weather and long pants and everything is not forcing me to keep up with that annoying task.  Whatever.

Last night, I was wearing cotton pajama pants and Alex climbed up in my lap at which point he promptly told me I needed new pajammies.  And why do I need new pajammies?  Because "the spikes" on my legs poke through this pair and were poking his legs.  Which, in turn, required a blanket between him and my legs, as well as one covering him.

Ya know...if he hadn't been naked, none of this would have been a problem.  Not my fault.

Crush That Candy!

This weekend, I finally joined the rest of the smartphone game playing world and downloaded Candy Crush.  This game is ridiculously addictive.  With everything going on with the house and work, I haven't had a ton of spare time, so game playing has not been high on my list.  But this past weekend of glorious laziness with my girlfriends allowed for it.  And now I can't stop thinking about it.  I wanna play all the time.

Last night, I even gave in and approved a second video for Alex because I figured I could sneak in some Candy Crush while I was sitting with him.  I think I may have a problem since as soon as I turned my phone on, Alex said, "Instead of playing that candy game, why don't watch this video with me?"

Fine.  But this candy ain't gonna crush itself kid.

Friday, November 1, 2013

On the way to daycare, from the back seat I hear:

" hand smells terrible."


Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!

You guys.  Look at this.  Just look at this.  You think he was excited?

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

What do I know?

Alex has a little habit of sucking his upper lip with his lower lip.  So he kinda looks like a Muppet with an under bite, and he gets a very chapped upper lip.  He complained that it hurt, so I got the Vaseline just like the last time it hurt and he got all weirded out and was positive it was going to hurt.  After some convincing, we got the Vaseline smeared on and off he went.

Sunday night, I put some more on before bedtime, but I forgot to reapply yesterday morning.  He didn't say a word about it until I picked him up and we were on our way home.  He then was more than happy to remind me I did nothing to fix it and his lip still hurt.  I apologized for forgetting and told him we would slather it up as soon as we got home.  He sat quietly for a bit, but then asked me if I could call Dr. Treehouse to make sure that I'm supposed to putting Vaseline on his chapped lip.

Yep.  My child doesn't trust me with Vaseline.  I think we have some serious issues to address.

Any way, I told him I would call.  But that wasn't good enough.  He wanted me to call right then.  So there I was, driving down the road, with my phone up to my ear, pretending to talk to his pediatrician about the healing power of Vaseline.  I had a whole one-sided, pretend conversation with Dr. Treehouse.  And guess what?!?  He said that you should use Vaseline on a chapped lip until it gets better!  Smart man that Dr. Treehouse.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Caged Up

There is currently a dog crate, with all of Aiden's favorite blankets in it, set up in our spare room.  She finally broke me.  I came home on Friday and found she had used the pull cord on the blind behind the couch to release the she could shred it.  And this is a couple days after the door to the play room wasn't quite shut tightly, so she chewed on the door to pull it open, and once she got in the play room, she had her way with the 4 blinds that were down in that room.

We keep randomly putting hot dogs and other treats in the crate for her find so it becomes some sort of happy place for her.  I am worried that her freak ass is going to hurt herself once I lock her in there, but Imma 'bout to hurt her if she keeps wrecking shop while we're gone.  I also need to keep Captain Destruct-O Dog under control since we are moving more aggressively on selling the house.  I can't come home at 5, with an appointment to show the house at 5:30, and have 90% of the blinds in the house shredded to bits.  Now if I could only figure out how to keep the kid out of the crate.

Speaking of the kid, he had a bit of an ego check this morning.  He was excited to see his friends, but last night he kept telling Travis and me that when he got to school all his friends were going to come running to him.  To be fair, they did all do that the other day.  But that was when I dropped him off half-way through the morning after he had been sick the previous day.  So it was a disruption to the day and they all got super excited.  This morning?  Not so much.  He took it right in stride, but I felt pretty bad for my little champ when he walked in and all his friends were preoccupied and only the teachers greeted him.  He even stood in front of his one buddy with a look on his face like, "Ummm...hello?  I'm here...aren't you excited?"  And his little friend just kept on dancin' like it was his job.  Hopefully the day took a better turn for the dude.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Celebrating Small Victories

When I walked out onto the playground to get Alex, he looked up, came running to me, and screamed, "Mommy!!  I didn't hit anybody today!!!!"

I'll take it.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Joy of Fall

Our house is surrounded by huge ash trees.  They are awesome in the summer and provide great shade and privacy.  And they are beautiful in the fall...until the millions and millions and millions of leaves fall off.  Holy guacamole we have a lot of leaves to rake every fall.

A couple weeks ago, Alex decided he wanted to "help" Travis rake leaves.  But the only child size rake we have is used for dog poop patrol, so I wouldn't let him use it.  I know, I'm so mean.  So, helping turned into playing.  Way more fun that actual raking...

Mastering New Skills

I noticed the other day that I need to update the extra clothes Alex has in his cubby at daycare.  Currently, he has a tshirt and a pair of shorts that are a full size too small, zero extra underwear, and swim trunks.  It was 43 degrees yesterday.  Pretty sure the swim trunks can come home.

Knowing his back-up clothes are not appropriate, imagine my surprise when I got to daycare yesterday and saw the blue waffle knit, long sleeve shirt I dropped him off wearing in his cubby.  And then imagine my further surprise when I picked up said shirt and it looked like this:
What are those marks in the middle of the shirt you ask?  Scissor cuts.  Four of them.  According to the shirt murderer, he was cutting paper and "the scissors just kept going and cut my shirt.  Weeeeeeeeee need to get a new one, Mom."

Monday, October 21, 2013

Sinatra's Got Nuthin'

Who has the bluest eyes and the awesomest new hat?!?!?

This kid:

Friday, October 18, 2013

Post Arrest Phone Call

At the beginning of summer, Travis focused all of his infinite wisdom into one moment at Menard's, and bought a child's size garden hoe for Alex.  This tool was promptly hidden from Alex after he proved he could not use the implement in any sort of safe manner.  But I was lazy and didn't hide it very well and he found it.  We talked him into "storing" it outside next to the garden and made him promise to only use it in said garden.  This was working until last Saturday.

It was a beautiful afternoon, and I was sitting outside chatting with Julie while Alex and his cousin played.  I had my back to the house and Julie was facing the back door.  At one point, Alex decided it was a good idea to take his garden hoe into the house.  Wrong.  I told him it did not belong in the house, it was an outside tool, and he needed to leave it.  He briefly pouted, but left it on the back steps.  I turned back to Julie and continued our conversation.  About 7 seconds in, her eyes got very large and she quickly shook her head "no" while looking just past my shoulder.  I spun around to see only Alex's fuzzy little head and one arm sticking out of the mud room, while he sloooooowly and silently pulled the garden hoe into the house.  Julie tried to warn him, but he was caught.  So I put him in his room for a time out due to blatantly going against what I told him.  He screamed and threw a fit and blah blah blah, and I went back outside.

About 5 minutes later, I was about to go in and tell him he could come out, but I didn't have to because he came bounding outside with my phone that had been on the kitchen counter, happily shouting that Aunt Nicki was calling me.  I looked at my ringing phone and saw that Aunt Nicki was indeed calling.  I answered only to have her confusedly ask me if I called her.  Took a few seconds before I realized, I hadn't called her...but someone in my house had.  I got off the phone with her and looked at my call log.  Sure enough, there were calls to Aunt Nicki, #88444563, and Travis.

I asked Alex if he called those three numbers.  And proud as a peacock he told me he had.  And then I noticed he talked to Travis for 4 minutes.  And what did he need to tell Daddy?  That we needed pancake mix.

I'm gonna have to lock him in his time outs from now on.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Start Your Day Right

"Did you know that a healthy breakfast is the best way to start your day?  Did you know that?  Because it is...a healthy breakfast is the best way to start your day.  So we should get up and have a healthy breakfast because it's the best way to start your day.  Did you know that, Mom?  Can I get up now?"

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Someone is feeling much much better today.  This is the most sane picture I could get of him this morning.  And...he let me cut his hair!!  It's not great, but it's an improvement.  Except that he now looks 14 years old.

Since he was dancing around the living room naked while eating a bagel and singing along with Handy Manny within 7 minutes of waking up, I think whatever yesterday's bug was is now gone!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Super Sad Face

I have a funny story to tell you, but I'm home tending to a sick Alex again...this time no fever, but he can't keep anything in his stomach.  Poor kid.  Good thing he's got the blankies needed for a good couch nap.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


Wanna know what's more fun than giving your dog, who hates getting wet, a bath?  Giving her two baths in one day because your awesome mailman didn't bother to close the gate after he delivered the mail, so said dog took a little adventure trip around the neighborhood to find the stinkiest, nastiest, black goo of unknown origins to roll in.  That very same gate that he had to open to get in the yard; yeah, that one.

Pssssttttt...Mailman...There's a reason the gate is closed!

Name Game

A couple weeks ago, Alex told me he wanted to change Aiden's name to "Otto Aiden."  I have no clue where this idea came from or where he heard the name Otto, but whatever.  She'll still ignore him the way she already does when he calls for her, so no harm done.

Today, after not mentioning the "Otto" portion of her name since that initial conversation, she walked past him and Alex said, "Mom, I think we should just call Otto Aiden 'Mutt' now."  Oooookkkkkk.

Eye of the Beholder

A while back, Alex and I were snuggled up at bedtime and he laid this one on me:

"Mom, I wish you looked more like Aunt Nicki."

I was a bit taken aback so I just said, "Well...I've only got this face.  Sorry, kiddo."  Then things went a bit awry..

"No, you can keep your face.  Just those other things.  Sometimes they're like this (he makes a circle-type motion with his hands) know, your dots."

After much confusion and a couple questions, I figured out dots = boobs.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that conversation.

Future's so bright

I have located and presented both pairs of sunglasses Alex owns.  Both have been shunned to the cup holders of his booster seat and his Cars umbrella is now being employed as his the car.  This child sits in the back seat all the way to day care in the morning with his umbrella opened and blocking the sun.

The way his mind works never ceases to baffle me.

Pot calling the kettle black

Alex, Aiden, and I went through the drive-thru at the bank the other day.  And while we were waiting for the teller to finish up the deposit and hopefully hand over a sucker and a dog treat, Alex said, "That guy looks weird."  He wasn't looking at anyone in particular when he said that, so I asked him who he was talking about and he let me know he thought the teller looked weird.  I reminded him it's not nice to say mean things about someone's appearance, but then my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him why he thought this completely average looking man looked weird.

"His hair is weird."



Anyone that has been following along the past couple of months, or has laid eyeballs on my child, knows that Alex's hair has been quite the point of contention as of late.  So, being the thoughtful empathy teaching mother I am, I looked at him and said, "Ummmm...have you taken a look at your hair lately?!"  He just looked up as high as he could while tilting his head back and asked, "How am I supposed to see my own hair?!?!"
Alex:  Can you ask my teachers to stop doing that?
Me:  Stop doing what?
Alex:  Teaching.


Once again "Handy Manny" infiltrates our lives...

There was an episode on the other day where Manny, the tools, and their beloved hardware store owner, Kelly, all perform Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for their community theater.  The tools were the dwarfs and Dusty the saw was "Sneezy."  During the play there was obviously a scene where "Sneezy" sneezes mid-sentence.  Dusty was shy about it, so the director kept telling her to sneeze louder and louder because it was supposed to be funny and apparently loud unequivocally equals funny to this horrendous excuse for a community theater director.  Other things happen, Manny and tools have to fix things so the play can go on, Kelly has every single supply under the sun in her tiny ass hardware store, blah blah standard "Hanny Manny" episode.

I didn't think a thing of it until a couple hours later when Alex sneezed for the first time since watching that particular episode.  The sneeze was genuine...the first time.  But it was quickly followed with :

"WwwaaaaaahhhhhhCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHOOO!!!!!!"  I am not exaggerating at all.  The smile of naughty pride on his face after is the only thing that is funny about this.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.

The numbers on the scale are headed in the wrong direction once again.  Why can't I just be able to eat whatever I want without working out and not gain any weight?  Is that too much to ask?!?

The lack of working out hasn't been totally due to lack of want.  There is something funky going on in my foot/heel area that forced me to drop out of my training for the half marathon I was going to do this fall.  Not sure what's going on, but if it continues to not be phased by ice and ibuprofen, a doctor might just be involved.  Here's to hopin' it calms the hell down.

In an effort to not strain my foot/heel thang, but to stop the growth of my ass at the same time, I purchased a yoga DVD.  Aaaaand I cracked it when removing it from the case.  Awesome.  I was all dressed for workin' out, but I wasn't going to let myself run, so I threw good ol' Jillian in the DVD player and let her yell at me for 20mins.

It hurts to sit down today.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Makin' Progress

When I picked Alex up on Friday, there was a little Cars notebook in his cubby.  I asked his teacher who it belonged to and she said it was Alex's good behavior gift.  My expression of shock begged for further explanation and she let me know she is incorporating incentive gifts for when the kids go beyond with good behavior.  Apparently Alex did a really good job listening during group time that day.  Such a good job that he was the only one to sit down and stay sitting down when told, so he got a present.

It's a little sad to admit how excited I was about that freaking notebook...but come on!  My kid, the one they started doing daily report cards because of, that kid was the one that was listening?  Even when other kids were misbehaving?  Get outta town.  I love it.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Weather Pending

This morning's conversation in the car, all taking place with Alex's legs crossed at his ankles and his hands folded neatly in his lap:

Alex:  Mom, it's raining...we have to cancel the pumpkin patch trip.
Me:  Oh, don't worry honey, you're not going to the pumpkin patch today...that's Tuesday.
Alex:  My teacher said it was the next day.
Me:  No, it's Tuesday.
Alex:  It's today.  She said it's the next day.  And she said we would go if it was raining, but I don't agree.  I have a different idea about going to the pumpkin patch when it's raining because I don't like getting wet.
Me:  You don't like getting wet?  Since when?!
Alex:  Since today.  We have to cancel it.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hop up, jump in!

Alex's obsession with Handy Manny is getting a little nutso.  The only saving grace is that he calls it "Handy Mandy" and it cracks me up every time he says it.

He incessantly begs to watch videos.  I can't seem find the show on TV anymore, but Netflix to the rescue!!!  He used to watch one episode and then ask if he could watch another.  But, very quickly, he figured out that if he pushes "the Handy Mandy button," another episode will start.

I guess it could be worse, he could be asking for "Max & Ruby" again.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

They grow up so fast

Last night, I was enjoying a beer in the backyard with my Colorado cohort and my neighbor.  The neighbor's daughter and Alex were playing and were running in and out of the house gathering whatever toys they wanted.  One trip into the house took a little longer than the others.  I could hear some clunking around in the kitchen and then I heard something fall in the mudroom, so I got off my butt to see what was going on.

Not shockingly, the neighbor girl was innocently trying to reach a toy on the shelf in the mudroom and something fell off the shelf.  Mysterious sound #1:  solved.  Then I went into the kitchen.  And that's when I figured out what mysterious sound #2, aka the clunking, was.

Yeah...the clunking was coming from the last bottle of beer out of the six pack sitting on the kitchen counter.  It was clunking because the bottom kept slipping on the counter top while my 4 year old was using the BOTTLE OPENER TO OPEN THE BEER.  Yep.  So, just to recap, I walked in the kitchen to find Alex, with the bottle opener still in hand, wiping beer off of his chin.  Beer that he was drinking from the bottle HE OPENED.

You guys.  Seriously.  We are so screwed.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Little Things

The town was flushing out the fire hydrant closest to day care this morning and it was spraying across the street.  When I turned onto the street, I could see just a little haze/fog, but as I got closer, I got really excited because we had to drive right through it.  I cut Alex off mid-sentence and made him aware of what was up ahead.  He sat silent for a second, and then all I heard from him was, "Oh...oh hoh hoh hoh hoh HOH!"

The water velocity comin' out of this hydrant was somethin'.  The direction we were heading put the hydrant on the left side of the street and the water still hit my door at just below window height.  It was fantastic.  Alex laughed and laughed and laughed.  And when we were going inside, he immediately started telling every single person he saw about it.  

The windows in his room are high up on the wall, but they built a loft playhouse situation for the kids and they can see out of the high up windows up there.  And the loft playhouse is on the same side of the building as the purging fire hydrant.  I pointed out that little fun fact to Alex, and he and three of his friends scampered up there.  And then I let him know they could watch me drive through it again.  He was so excited, he didn't even say good-bye.

Now, I would like to end this post with something sweet about how it made me so happy to see something so simple but so cool with Alex, because it really did.  But I would totally be lying if I didn't admit driving through that water would have made my day with or without the beast in the car.  It was freaking awesome!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Workin' at the ranch

After camping yesterday, we drove across south central Wisconsin and went to my parents' house to celebrate my niece's birthday.  Part of her birthday present from my parents was a riding lesson scheduled to take place in the arena at my parents' house.

We were there a bit before the lesson started, so Alex was "helping" get the horse ready and clean up the barn.  Which always leads to him begging for a tractor ride.  My mom knew this was coming and asked him if he wanted to go with her on the tractor to get the drag and smooth out the arena for the lesson.

He came running up to me to let me know where he was going:

"MOM!  We're going to ride the tractor to go get the grader and go into the ballerina and make it smoove."


Alex and I went camping with some of Travis's family this weekend.  We were at Black Hawk Lake Campground, and the opening in the fence where a trail down to the beach area starts was right between the two campsites we had.  Alex asked me what the sign said and when I let him know it said "Trail to beach," he instantly informed me he wanted to go to the beach.

So, we headed out onto the trail.  This trail is not an easy trail to hike down.  Years ago, there was a staircase with a railing leading you down the side of this big ol' hill.  But the staircase wasn't exactly at all.  Which leaves a rather tricky trail with random steps here and there.  It's also quite steep and pretty long.  At the very beginning of our trek down, I told Alex he needed to understand it was going to be difficult climbing back up and that I was not going to be able to carry him.  He reassured me and let me know, "Mom, don't worry.  My legs are totally prepared for this."  Oh good; now I feel better.

About half way down, I got him to run off the trail so I could get this shot and it's currently my favorite.  (Aside from the fact that I really wish my phone had a better camera or that I would start carrying my freaking camera with me.)

After this shot, and picking off the burs acquired from running off the trail, we continued on down to the beach.  When we got down there, Alex's aunt found some snail shells that had washed up onto the sand from the lake.  She was wearing capri length pants so she waded in to find some more.  Not shockingly, Alex wanted to walk in the water too.
And this was all good and well until he started running in the water, which of course made enough splashing that his pants got wet.  So I let him take his pants off.  And that was all good and well until he was running and tripped and landed on his hands and knees.  He just looked up, completely pleased and said, "Noooowww my shirt's wet."  We took off his shirt, and I could see his next thought so I instantly told him he had to leave his underwear on.  

So what started like this:

Ended like this:

All of his clothes were soaked as were his shoes.  Luckily, Grandpa J grabbed a towel out of the camper and drove down to the beach to rescue us with a ride back up to the campsite.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Never gets old

I don't remember what I did to solicit this comment, but I will never ever ever tire of hearing, "You're the best mom, Mom."

Stranger Danger

Alex loves people.  Like every single person ever.  Which is great.  Except for when I have to try to explain to him that not everyone is nice.  And that unless I am with him, he really shouldn't be talking to any Tom, Dick, or Harry that walks by.  Especially given our neighborhood and the fact that we live right on a bike/walking path.  Lots 'o strangers walkin' past our yard.

Most of the people strollin' on by are perfectly nice people.  Including the guy that stopped and listened to a long, drawn out story from Alex about Aiden.  The guy made the mistake of saying "Hi!" to Alex.  Alex launched into a story and the guy just stopped and listened to the story while eating his box of popcorn he had with him for his walk.  Alex finished the story with a flourish and claimed Aiden jumped over the fence the previous day.  When I corrected him and said that the dog did not jump over the fence, popcorn dude just shrugged his shoulders and told Alex maybe it was a dream.  That guy?  Totally fine.  The guy that parked next to my house, and had his buddy wait in the car while he was picking something up from his "friend"?  That's decidedly not totally fine.

Any way, the other day, I wanted to go upstairs and change my clothes and he wanted to stay outside.  So I told him he could, but he had to stay inside the fence and he wasn't to talk to anyone.  He just looked at me all confused and asked why he shouldn't talk to people.  And as I explained that not all people are nice people, I watched a little sparkle in his eyes fade while sadness seeped in.  I understand that he needs to learn this fact of life, but it still sucks.

Part of the reason we are trying to move is our neighborhood.  95% of our neighbors are really nice people.  But the 5% that aren't nice, are really not nice people.  Who have really not nice acquaintances.  And unfortunately, the level of not nice outweighs the nice.  It didn't used to.  When it was just Travis, the dog and me, I could easily ignore the not nice.  But not anymore.  I don't want to live somewhere that makes me uncomfortable to leave my child outside in a completely fenced yard while I run inside to pee.

But then there's this:  We are moving from a very diverse community to a small town.  And the loss of diversity makes me sad.  I love the fact that we didn't have to actively teach Alex that being gay or black or in a wheelchair or having spiked purple hair is totally fine.  We didn't have to teach him that because he sees it everyday.  He sees different people and he sees that even though we don't all look the same or walk the same or talk the same or like the same things, it doesn't matter.  At all.  I love that.  But now we are planning a move to a town that doesn't have that.  And I got all freaked out and was positive Alex was going to end up a racist homophobic redneck that hated his left-wing nutjob parents.  But then I started thinking about where I grew up.  I grew up in a very rural area with pretty much zero diversity.  And I'm not a racist homophobic redneck.  Weird how when you have good people raising you, you don't turn out to be an asshat.

What it really comes down to for my little freaky brains is that I guess I would much rather Alex have to learn to stand up for what he believes in when confronted with someone with different beliefs, than have him have to learn to which gang signs mean what.  But then will that make him a naive easy target later?  Gaaaaahhhh!!!  Being an adult is hard.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Love Triangle

Alex's friend, Ryne, at day care was gone for the summer.  Her mom had a baby and kept the kids home with her while she was on maternity leave.  This little girl has been at daycare with Alex since he was an itty bitty baby.  He didn't say much about her not being there this summer, but she came back on Monday.

On the way home on Monday, I asked him if it was fun having her back.  He said it was, but then got kinda sad and said, "But she took my love away."  I was sufficiently confused and asked what he was talking about.  "I love her and Anna took her away from me."

He was all upset because one of the other kids played with Ryne without him.  I told her mom about it and she just laughed and told me not to worry because everyday, Ryne says that Alex is her boyfriend and they are going to get married.

They are only 4 and it's already gettin' all "Days of our Lives" up in there!  Like sands through the hourglass...

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Hair

Alex is holding steady in his opinion that his hair should not be cut.  The tufts that hang over his ears aaaaaaaalmost can be tucked behind his ears, and that helps a TON.  But this little battle is far from over.  And he has class pictures tomorrow.  I can't wait until he's 16 and tries to complain to me about how I cut his hair.  Nice try future kiddo.  This one's all you.

But it does make fun bath pictures!
Watch out; he'll get you with his helicopter..
 That is if a giggle fit doesn't take over his body.  He'll still try to get you, but it will be way cuter.

Friday, September 13, 2013


Alex's hair needs to be cut.  Like whoah.  He looks like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.  Think I'm exaggerating?  You decide.  (Also, again please disregard the terrible photo quality; I'm having a chat with my phone camera post haste.)

It is not ok to just be walkin' around looking like a shaggy Lloyd Christmas.  He really really doesn't want to get his hair cut though.  Every time I bring it up, he says the sharp scissors at the salon hurt him.  I assure him the scissors won't hurt him.  He agrees to get his hair cut only to renege on the deal as soon as we are getting ready to head to the salon...."We should just cancel it, Mom."

And then there's the issue of Team UmiZoomi.  There is an episode all about getting your hair cut.  And the opening song refrains with, "It's your hair!  Do-do!  Wear it any way you like it!  It's your hair!"  Now, I realize I hold more power over my child's life than Milly, Geo, and Bot, but you try to argue against that logic.

Helpy Helperton

Please excuse the horrendous quality of this photo.  There was apparently some gunk on the lens, but that kid weighs 49lbs and I wasn't sure how long Bert's shoulders were going to hold out.

The play set was gettin' a little gangsta lean to it, so last night Travis pulled it back up straight and tightened all the bolts.  Obviously, Alex needed to help him. Problem is, there are about 3 bolts Alex can reach.  And since we weren't about to put a ladder out for our 4 year old, the neighbor's shoulders were the only option!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Snuggle bug

Last night, Alex really wanted to sleep in our bed.  It had been a really long evening including an hour long, yes you read that right, and hour long tantrum over the fact that we took a football away from him.  A football that he was throwing in the house.  A football whose ownership status was going to drastically change if it was thrown one more time.  I'm pretty sure I had lost patience when I blurted out, "Alex Thomas Julius, if you throw it one more time you will never see that football again.  Do you understand me?"  You could still hear the "s" of his yes when he threw it again.  Seriously dude?  I mean, really?!?  Were you not listening?  Or are you really stupid enough to test this and think it's going to end well?  So yeah, he threw it again, we took it away from him forever because I'm an idiot, and the hour long tantrum ensued.  I'm not exaggerating.  I know it was an hour because I was about to start dinner when this happened.

So, I just kept working on dinner with the soundtrack of "I want my football!  I want my football!  I miss my football!  I waaaaaaaant my foooooootbaaaaaaaaalllllllllll!"  Oh!  Before this little episode, Alex had said he wanted to go for a walk.  So I told him to go potty and put his shoes on so we could go.  And then about 7 minutes after that didn't happen, he told me he wanted to go for a walk.  So I repeated my instructions.  Nothin'.  This lovely cycle happened 4 times before I told him sternly that he knew what he had to do if he wanted to go for a walk and only he could make that happen.  We didn't go for a walk and the football thing happened.  So, during his tantrum, "I wanna go for a walk!" was also injected between requests for his beloved football.

Anyway, back to the point.  Alex really wanted to sleep in our bed.  He even promised to not wiggle around.  My energy was tapped, but I was not about to give in on this one, so I made a deal with him.  He had to go to sleep in his bed, but if he woke up during the night or when he woke up in the morning, he could come to our bed.  Deal!  He snuggled up, fell asleep, and stayed that way until about 5 minutes after I woke up this morning.

He came out of his room completely naked, because apparently his bedroom floor is where used UnderJams belong, and all sleepy eyed.  I said good morning and he said, "Mom.  Remember what we were gonna do?"  I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was talking about so I told him I didn't remember.  "I was gonna come snuggle you."  It took every fiber of my being to not get back in bed.

Dr. Treehouse

Since I am totally on top of my shit and have my life completely together, Alex had his 4 year old check up appointment yesterday.  What's that?  He turned 4 exactly 72 days ago?  Yeah, I know, but I really wanted him to have a good grasp on being 4 before we answered a bunch of questions.  That and I was late getting him in for his 3 year old check up last year and you can only do one check up a year without having to pay for the office visit, soooooo....

The nurse led us to our room and asked a bunch of questions and then took him to get measured and weighed and check his vision and hearing.  I know this is shocking, but he's in the 93rd percentile for both height and weight.  This kid.  Anywho, after the measurements were taken she let me know we were doing shots.  And not the fun shots I like.  Alex's response?  "Iiiiii fink we should just skip the shots."  She giggled, told him to get undressed and left us to wait for his doctor.

After standing there for .4 seconds in his underwear, brilliance struck him.  "Gasp!  Mom!  We should surprise Dr. Treehouse with my Superman underwear!"  And with that he cupped his hands over the Superman logo on the front of his underwear and climbed up onto my lap.

(By the way, his doctor's name is not Dr. Treehouse, but due to the creative listening abilities of my child, that is what he is called.)

Let's just make sure we're all on the same page here.  I was sitting in a doctor's exam room, waiting for my son's doctor, while said son was sitting on my lap, covering his crotch with both hands while smiling like the cat that ate the canary.  Sounds about right.

So, Dr. Treehouse comes in, greets us and asks Alex how his summer was.  With his hands still firmly covering his "S", and while grinning like a maniac, he quickly answered that his summer was good.  At this point, I am just about dying and trying to figure out how to tactfully explain that Alex wants to show his doctor his underwear.  But while I was worrying about tact, my darling dear flung his hands open releasing the suffocated logo and yelled, "Surprise!"  The good doctor's confusion was palpable, so I did my best to stifle my laughter and quickly told him what was going on.  Being the awesome doctor he is, he laughed, told Alex how cool his underwear was and that he had a pair just like those when he was a kid.  Alex just beamed.

I wish I could say this was the only hilarious/awkward thing to occur during this appointment, but what fun would that be.  Dr. Treehouse always asks if Alex is "poopin' and peein' alright."  And with that question, Alex grabbed my head and whispered, "Tell him sometimes my poops are really big and they hurt my bottom."  I nodded and tried to skim over that since we have talked about the fact that that's life sometimes.  But when that wasn't immediately being relayed, my head was beckoned again and this time I was told to tell him in no uncertain terms.  So, to appease my little beast, I said, "Yes, sometimes his poops are very big."  Without letting me take a breath, Alex chimed in, "And tell him they hurt my bottom."  Done and done kiddo; Dr. Treehouse can hear you.

All was good, Alex got a sticker, and we were left to wait once again for the nurse to come back with the shots.  Alex was super brave and squeezed my hands as hard as he could for all three shots.  When it was all over, he sat up and looked at me with an unmistakable expression of WTF.  I just apologized, told him it was ok to cry, and squeezed him tight.  The nurse asked if he already got a sticker.  He said that he had, paused and then said, "But I fink I need another one."

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

When do I get to win the lottery?  I'm preeeeeeetty much feelin' over this work thang.

Monday, September 9, 2013


I'm back!  I took a little hiatus to go visit with some wonderful ladies in Denver.  And I realized my entire family needs to be down with moving to Denver.  Beautiful doesn't begin to describe it.

Sunrise from my bedroom window:
Don't you worry, I wasn't up that early.  I woke up, saw the sun rising, thought, "Oh that's pretty, I'll take a quick picture."  I leaned off of the side of my bed, hit the shutter, and immediately went back to sleep.

But, after I woke up, I got to sit on the front porch with my coffee and take in this view:
My gracious host swears up and down she constantly has wild life hanging out in her backyard.  Elk, deer, fancy birds.  I saw two birds.  Two.  Birds.  But I also saw this dashing fellow which made me believe her that there actually is wildlife in that area.  I mean, who would make such an amazing Tom Selleck-esque mountain lion if mountain lions hadn't at least once been spotted in the area?
We drove up up up a mountain, got to something absurd like 10,500 ft above sea level, and got to walk around Echo Lake.  Ummm...yeah, beautiful.
I wasn't the only one having fun this weekend though.  Mr. Alex got to spend Thursday night at Gramma and Grandpa Z's, Friday night at Aunt Nicki's house, Saturday night in Platteville, and Sunday afternoon with Bert. Travis had to work at his normal job that makes it impossible for him to drop off and pick up at daycare and then he also had to work at his new second job on Saturday and Sunday.  (A friend of ours bought a bar and Travis is working some shifts here and there.  Can't keep that man out of the bar for long!)  I'm pretty sure Alex didn't mind his little Tour of Wisconsin weekend vacation.

He got to perfect his racer's dive and just hang in the pool after beating the competition to the finish line:

And it just happened to be Dairy Days in Platteville.  Apparently he rode every single ride his height allowed...multiple times.  Like enough times an all ride pass bracelet was warranted.  No, he's not spoiled at all.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Star of the Week

Alex gets to be the Star of the Week this week at daycare.  His teacher was very sympathetic to the not getting on the bus thing, so she thought if he was the Star of the Week it would be a good distraction.  Part of being the Star is filling out a big poster about yourself.  He dictated his answers for me and I wrote as fast and I legibly could.  Not shockingly, he came up with more favorite foods than there were lines to fill out in that section.  And then there was the "Favorite Things About Myself" section.  His first answer?  "My feet."  And that was quickly followed by his dune car and that he's funny.

On the way to daycare yesterday I asked if he remembered about the bus.  In a very matter of fact tone, he let me know that he remembered and he will get to ride the bus once we move.  He is being more understanding than I could have ever expected or requested of a 4 year old.  When I told him I was really sorry that he didn't get to ride the bus, he just said, "It's ok Mom...but...can you find someone to buy our house at zip speed?"

You heard the boy people!  Get on it!  We need the house sold like yesterday!

My heart just can't take seeing the disappointment in his eyes every time I have to tell him I haven't found anyone yet.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Friday, August 30, 2013

Good morning to you too Buster!

This morning Alex was running around naked as he is wont to do.  On one pass, I managed to get a small pinch in before he scampered away.  As he ran away, I said, "A pinch for my favorite little butt!"  He spun on his heel, came running back at me, spanked my butt and said, "A spank for my favorite big butt!"

Now, I know I set myself up for that, but damn.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Mental Prep

I broke the news to Alex that he won't be going to school until we move.  We made the decision to not start him in one school only to move him to a different school whenever we can find someone to buy our house.  I really do believe this is the right choice, but this kid has been talking about riding the bus since July, so I'm more than a little concerned he is going to lose his mind when the bus comes, picks up some kids, and he can't get on it.  So I told him yesterday that next week, the bus is going to come to day care, but it's not going to be able to pick him up yet.  That he won't be able to get on the bus until we move.  He took it well and seemed to understand what I was talking about.  My guess is this will not bet the same reaction on Tuesday.

As soon as that conversation was over, he started asking me about moving.  Why are we moving?  When are we moving?  Who lives the house we are moving to?  Are they going to stay there?  I answered his questions, and all of the follow-ups. and we went on with our evening.  A couple of hours later, he started asking me if we were bringing different things with us when we moved.  His cars?  His dune racer?  The refrigerator?

I started his bath for him after dinner and he came in the bathroom and told me he doesn't want to move anymore.  Why?  Because he won't be able to take a bath at the new house since we aren't taking the bathtub with us.  I got to make that kid's night when I promised the new house will have a bathtub.  He was slightly disappointed when I told him no, it wouldn't be a bigger one that he could swim in, but I think he's still pretty pumped that he'll be keeping the option to bathe.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Magically Scientific

So, I maybe a couple times sarcastically answered one or two of Alex's questions that I didn't know the answer to with a sing-song "Maaaagic!"  I've also employed that little gem when I can't figure out how to explain a difficult concept.  It's all fun and games until the little one catches on and uses it on you.
Me:  Alex, how did this water get all over the floor?
Alex: ~Maaaaagic?~
You guys, I am totally screwed.  He's learning too much, too fast.

Yesterday there was a moment where I totally could have used the ol' Maaaagic response, but I decided to try to be a good mom and not impede his learning.  We started moving forward after a stop light turned green and from the back seat he asked me, "Mom, why do you move backward when the car starts moving forward?"  It took me a hot minute to understand what he was asking, but once I figured it out, I then had to figure out how to explain physics to a 4 year old.

Magic?  Not this time.  This time?  SCIENCE!  Boom.

Be still!

I just wanted one, just one cute picture of him with his fuzzy hair back-lit by the afternoon sun.  I asked him to stand still for a second and say "Pickles!"  Every single time he said it, he jumped. And then laughed and laughed and laughed.


Every night, Alex gets chocolate milk at bedtime.  But since chocolate milk is crazy expensive and high in sugar and stuff, we just put sugar free chocolate syrup in regular milk, do a little shake it up dance, and call it a day.

Last night, Alex was at the grocery store with me and spotted the gallons of chocolate milk that he knows and loves from his uncle's house.  You would have thought this kid won the lottery.  He came running to me lugging a gallon of the good stuff telling me how awesome it was that "our store has this now!"  I tried to explain that we didn't need that because we had chocolate syrup at home to make our own but the sad look of defeat in his eyes made me cave.  I only gave in to a half gallon though!  Ha!

Normally, when asked if he wants milk or water with dinner, he replies, "Juice!"  Not last night though.  I didn't even have to ask him.  I was getting plates ready and he was frantically trying to get the safety seal off the chocolate milk.  He drank a huge glass of it during dinner and then was more than ready for another upon bedtime.  He also woke up twice last night telling me he was thirsty for chocolate milk..."but the good kind; not the kind we normally have."  The second time I told him he was having water if he was so thirsty.  Yeah, that went over well.  And, shockingly, he woke up a third time because he had to pee so badly.  Weird.

I'm tired.  Who wants chocolate milk?

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Time Flies

Alex:  Hey Mom?  How many minutes until we leave?
Me:  About 10 minutes.
Alex:  Oh.  That's a really long time because 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.  No, wait.  ZERO, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.  That's a really long time because of that, right Mom?

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Summer Lovin'

I really am not looking forward to summer being over.  I don't mind fall weather, but it just means winter is coming.  Barf.  And, even though I haven't been in any type of school for 12 years, I still get that pit in my stomach as soon as Back To School stuff starts popping up.  I get that pit and I have the typical horrible dreams where I can't get into my locker and I don't remember where any of classes are and I haven't gone to a single class all semester and now it's time for finals and I fail at everything.  Yay for senseless anxiety!  Wheeeee!

Back to my point, I'm not ready for summer to be done.  But what I am ready for is for every single little long legged, buzzing, biting, asshole mosquito to die a slow cold death.  This morning just took the cake.  I had juuuuust finished scratching yet another bite and I saw one of those pets of Satan flying around my bathroom.  It landed on the wall and I was quick to smack it.  And in the process, I caught the edge of one of the plaster swoops on the wall with the side of my delicate little pinky finger.  And the stupid mosquito squirted blood all over the wall.

I realize complaining about an injury on your pinky is ridiculous, but you try typing with a finger injury!  Stupid bugs.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Rockin' Out

We hung out at Lake Red Stone this past weekend with some family.  It's about an hour drive or so and the radio reception gets a bit spotty.  So, Travis and I were discussing what we wanted to listen to.  We weren't really coming up with anything that grabbed us, so there were a lot of options being thrown around.  After a minute or so, Alex piped up in the backseat and said, "I want to hear Little Ghost."

Little background...we were in the car a couple weeks ago and I was listening to The White Stripes and the song "Little Ghost" came on and from the backseat I hear, "Gasp!  I love this song."  

Back to last Friday.  Alex requested this song out of the blue.  They listen to music a lot at daycare, but it's Kid Bopz or Baby Bumblebee or the Chipmunks covering The Black Eyed Peas.  So for him to pick this song, this White Stripes song, out of his musical repertoire?  Well, we were really proud of him.  I realize it's pride in an annoying hipster "my kid is soooo cool that he's too cool for mainstream music" type of way, but I do not care.  I was proud.

I listen to some crap music and I listen to some good music, I like to think I lean more toward the good music side, but that doesn't matter.  What matters is listening to something that makes you feel something.  Nothing can compare to the amazing love Ray Charles can make you feel when he croons about Georgia.  Or the relaxation Ottis Redding can immediately instill with a song about a bay.  Music can completely make a moment.  Or completely ruin a moment for that matter.  But music is a very powerful thing and I really like that Alex is aware of the music in his world.  And I like that he is figuring out what he likes.

Anywho, I was really proud and I guess I still am, but man he's testing the limits of my pride.  This is now the only song he wants to listen to.  Ever.  Always.  Don't get me wrong, it's a really good song.  But shit.  As soon as I start the car, "Mom, I wanna listen to Little Ghost please."  As soon as it's done, "again."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Parenting: Level - You Suck

Soooooo, Alex has had cradle cap for, oh I don't know, about FOUR years now.  Every bath, I would gently scratch his scalp whilst shampooing with a recommended shampoo in an attempt to loosen the gunk from his little head.  For four years, I was convinced this was some sort of super strain of cradle cap.

I saw some T-Scal shampoo at Target and asked the pharmacist about it.  After she regained her composure from being shocked into near silence that I was going to use this on a 4 year old, she recommended I ask his doctor before using it.  Then she asked if I've tried the home remedy of olive oil.  I slyly blabbered something incoherent, thanked her, and walked away wondering why in the hell I haven't tried this olive oil thing I have known about since he first acquired this lovely grossness.

Last night, I doused my kid's head in olive oil.  Wanna guess what happened?  Yep.  All of the cradle cap came off.  Shocking, right?  The remedy that 99.99999% of all people recommend and it actually works!  Weird!

I suck.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Helpy Helperton

So much for him helping us get the house ready to be sold...

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.
Running hills is good for me.

Don't mind me...I'm just trying to convince myself that getting my training runs in over lunch which means I have to run more vertically than horizontally is a good thing and I shouldn't shy away from it next time.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A boy's boy

Last night Alex and I were checking out the status of the watermelons in our little garden and Bert walked over to see as well.  Bert and I started chatting and shortly after I realized Alex was not within eyesight and he was very quiet.  Never a good combo.

I came around the back of the house to find him standing on the back steps, grinning, and holding a big ol' rubber mallet.  I took the mallet away from while reminding him it isn't a toy and he started laughing hysterically.  Obviously something was afoot beyond his normal sneaking a tool out of the tool bucket.  So, I asked what he had been doing with said mallet.  He wouldn't spill it and his grin only widened with each incorrect guess by me.  Finally he told me.  "I was hitting dog poop with it and now you touched it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I tricked you Mama!"

Hitting piles of dog shit with a rubber mallet with the intent of tricking his mother into touching it.  If that isn't the most boy activity ever written down, I don't know what is.

Sunday Funday

Back before Alex was busy taking over our lives, we used to have Sunday Funday.  This can be summed up in one word:  Drunk.  Sunday Funday would start with breakfast at one of our favorite places which always included a couple bloody marys.  And that little hair of the dog would set us on our way to a Sunday filled with drinks, friends, fun, and zero productivity.

Obviously, that lack of responsibility is not really an option anymore.  Lamesauce, I know.  Sunday Funday has taken on a new meaning.  It's now defined by parks and candy that makes your mouth different colors and ice cream and Target toy aisles.

Isn't funny how you can simultaneously miss your old life so much and love your new life so much?  Kids, man.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


So, I know he has proven time and time again that he is my child, but last night he made me question that very fact.

I made some crescent roll dealy-mabobbers and I offered him one while it was still warm.  He bit off a tiny bite, agreed that it was delicious, and handed it back to me.  I tried to give it back to him and told him that he could have it if he liked it and he said, "Oh, I like's yummy...but I'm full." and he made me take it.

Yeah, kiddo, you might be full, but this is a crescent gotta fight through that fullness.

Morning Logic

Alex was a still a little groggy after being awake for about 20 minutes this morning which is not normal, so I asked him if he was alright or if he was just still a little sleepy...

"No, I'm not still sleepy.  I'm just a little allergic to cats today."

Oh.  Ok.  Makes perfect sense...especially since you have had zero contact with cats in the last, oh I don't know, 192 hours.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Things that go bump in the night.

Since we're super classy, Alex's bed has consisted of a twin mattress on the floor for the past a lot of months.  I didn't want to get a regular metal frame box spring situation...mostly because I didn't want to clean under it.  But then I thought it would be cool to get one of those platformy type beds with a set of drawers under it.  Yeah, those ain't cheap.  These things combined kept my child sleeping on the floor.

I finally resigned to getting a regular frame, but then I started thinking about how high up a regular twin bed is and I didn't think that was a good idea.  So, instead of getting a box spring and a stop-you-from-falling-out-of-bed thinger, we went to Menard's and got a 3/4" thick piece of particle board and a long 2x4.  Travis cut the particle board to the size of the frame and then made support pieces out of the 2x4.  Tadaaaaaaaaa!  Platform bed.

Now here's the thing.  Alex has never fallen out of bed.  He was never a baby that climbed out of his crib.  He didn't even come close to falling out of his toddler bed.  And even though sleeping next to that child more than slightly resembles trying to share a bed with an eager Cessna propeller, I didn't think twice about him falling out.  Until midnight his first night in the new bed set up.  Whoops.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Happy Friday!

Look who's got his best dog friend in the waaaaay back with him!

Please disregard the weird smile he's got goin' on, we were out of time!


Alex is reverting back to a small toddler.  The small toddler that crams everything within reach into his mouth.  Makes no difference to him if it's an actual food item or not, in his mouth it's goin'.

The other day, we were home for about twenty minutes and I noticed him chewing on something.  I asked what he had in his mouth and he produced a Barbie shoe.  And then promptly told me he couldn't return it to daycare because it was now part of his collection.  Ok, slow down there curator weirdo.

Yesterday morning, I was getting everything ready for the day and I heard him gagging in the living room.  I ran in there and asked if he was ok.  He was a little teary eyed, but had that smile on his face that he gets when he doesn't want me to ask any questions.  So I asked questions.  What was in his mouth?  Tires from a Lego truck and trailer Trevor had built for him.  And when I told him he couldn't put stuff like that in his mouth, his grin got a little bit wider and he admitted there were two tires in there!

Do I have to go back to communicating with him via "Icky!  Yucky!  Blech!"?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I'm just gonna put this here

Just something I don't ever want to forget and I'm quite sure it will go as quickly as it has started...

Almost every time I'm trying to have a semi-serious conversation with Alex, he will keep focus for about a full minute and then he just can't take it anymore, the crazy creeps into his eyes, and he starts bawking like an insane chicken.  A loud insane chicken.

Seriously, he just looks at me and starts up with, "BAWK!  BA BA BAWK BAWK!"  And then he is reduced to a puddle of giggling little boy...with me not far behind.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Arm Yourself

Bert was all excited when he got home last night.  He found two, very on sale, small Nerf for him and one for Alex.  These little suckers shoot up to 75 feet but are easy enough to load that Alex can use them without constant assistance.

Within 5 minutes of getting them out of the package, Alex shot Travis square in the eye.  From about a 5 foot range.

Soooo, we had a little lesson in Nerf gun safety and things are going much more smoothly.

Typical morning

Alex has decided he really really likes riding in the third row seating of my truck.

Which is all fine and whatever.  It is a bit more of an effort for me, but really not something I'm going to exert effort on arguing about.  The only problem is that I cannot reach him from my seat.  The only reason this is a problem is that I have allowed myself to become his personal vending machine.  So now I have to make sure he has his snack and juice with him in the way back before we set out on any journey.

Upon smelling the tortellini I was making to take with me for my lunch today, Alex declared he wanted some of my noodles with his waffle and juice.  Of course you do.  Who doesn't eat cheese filled pasta and chocolate chip waffles with a splash of cranberry juice?

Anywho, about 7 minutes into our drive, I peered into the rear view mirror and saw that look.  That blank stare, stuffed cheeks, kinda clammy look.  And when I asked if he was alright, I got the expected answer that he was going to puke.

Now, here's the thing.  99% of the time, when he says he has to puke, he doesn't really have to puke.  In reality, he has just stuffed too much food in his mouth and can't figure out how to chew long enough to be able to swallow it.  So, being the caring, loving, nurturing mother I am, I asked if he was sure he was going to puke...and then told him he would have to wait until I could pull over.  When I got a bit down the road to where we wouldn't be flattened by semis, I pulled over and made the trek to the way back seat.

I helped him out and carried him the couple steps to the grass on the shoulder of the road.  And that little shit spit out  half chewed piece of tortellini, stood up, stretched a little, and said, "I'm ok Mom.  That's all I had to puke."

Sounds about right kid.