Friday, December 29, 2017


Alex still likes to cook, but now he's decided he wants to experiment to find his signature recipe.  Which is great and creative and all, but also a bit wasteful because shockingly he doesn't usually like what he creates.  I know it's hard to believe he wouldn't devour scrambled eggs with cheese and crushed animal crackers, but it's true.

Anywho, yesterday he asked if he could try a new recipe idea.  I gave the green light and told him I would join him in the kitchen right after a work phone call.  Probably should have joined him before the work call.

I came upstairs to find him eating a bowl of cereal.  Obviously that is not a new recipe so I asked what happened.

"Yeah, my eggs were WAY to milky, so I had to throw them out.  Oh, and by the way, we're almost out of milk now."
"...uhhhh, how many eggs and how much milk did you use?"
"Only 2 eggs like you said.  And then I put in 2 cups of milk.  Obviously that was too much."
"Yeah...when I make 2 scrambled eggs, I use about,"
"A cup and a half?"
" a quarter cup."

Thursday, December 28, 2017


Sam loves loves loves to pretend to be animals.  In any given 15 minute time frame, he go from a frog to a cat to a dog to a horse to a dinosaur.  But his all time favorite is still his monkey suit.  He finally grew out of the one he wore for Halloween last year.  And even though it is clearly too small, he still requests to wear it almost daily and then I say it's too small, he swears it isn't, I finally put it on him, and then we have a little monkey running around in high waters picking his monkey suit out of his butt.  Thankfully Santa fixed the problem.
He also got a shark blanket:


Alex bought into the idea of hockey hair.  It's apparently bad luck to cut your hair during the season.  Sure.  Great.  Only one problem:  this kid's hair is so thick.  It just kinda poofs up bigger and bigger as it gets longer.  But, it's his hair, he can do with it as he pleases.  He does, however, need to stop being so grumpy about me documenting it.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Christmas Elves

When Alex was 3, daycare took the greatest elf picture to ever be:
Right?  I mean, come on.  You don't get a better elf picture of a 3 year old.  It's perfection.

So you can imagine my excitement when I dropped off 3 year old Sam this morning and saw that very same elf hat being taken out of a box with other silly Christmas hats.  I asked his teacher to please please please take a picture of Sam with that hat on since I had one of Alex at the same age and I showed her the picture of Alex.'s Sam:

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Biggest Fan

While Sam's true love is the Zamboni, he really likes watching his big brother play.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Lyrical Lessons

I was feeling a bit festive yesterday, and while taking the boys, plus one neighbor kid, to a house near us that has an INSANE amount of lights, decorations, and teddy bears for some indiscernible reason, I had Christmas music on the radio.  On the way home, Feliz Navidad came on and Sam lit up like the insane amount of lights we had just seen. 

I knew he recognized this song from last year's daycare Christmas party when his teacher dressed them all as golden cherubs and had them sing that song, but the look of confused excitement over hearing it led me to believe Sam couldn't quite place why he knew that song.  So I happily reminded him of Miss Natalia and the time she put in teaching a group of 2 year olds to sing together.  Still nothing.  But!  He did have quite an issue with how I was singing....

"No, Mama.  It goes:  Elise.  Navi.  Dot."

Friday, December 15, 2017

Checking In

I have been so flippin' busy with work it's not funny.  And I got a cold from Germ Grower Sam.  And I'm trying to stay close to on top of Christmas stuff.  And school stuff.  And hockey stuff.  And gloves and boots and hats.  All this flying around in my head lead to me accidentally sending a link to a white nationalist website to a friend when I was just trying to share the sweet realization that Sun Maid Raisins put cute little messages on the flap of their boxes.  It's been a long week.

Thursday, December 7, 2017


Sam has a new catch phrase when you explain something to him.  He listens and then he gives a couple reassuring head nods while saying, "Oooooh...I get it."

The thing is?  You could be describing third semester calculus, or why it's important to me that he tries to hit the water when he pees, and he would give the exact same response.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Writing and writing and writing

We are back on the writing sentences punishment.  In Travis's words, "that's what broke me when I was his age."  I have to say it seems to have at least an immediate effect.  Hopefully it will turn into a lasting effect.

He was mad at me the other night because he thought I wasn't listening to his side of the argument he and Sam were engaged in.  And when I wouldn't stand there and have him disrespectfully "explain" what happened to me a third time, he turned to go downstairs with a "Fine!  Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwdddddddd." flying out of his mouth.  Before he hit the second step, Travis calmly said, "Nope.  Get your notebook."

10 "I will not groan at my parents." sentences later, he was right as rain.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Speaking Dog

Alex came to me all sorts of excited the other day.  He downloaded an app that translates human words into sounds descernable by dogs and vice versa.  Uh huh.  He's lucky it was free and he's so stinkin' cute.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Ice Time

Alex is progressing really well this hockey season.  He's got a long way to go, but seeing as though he started from just about zero ability and knowledge, I think he's right on track.
And Mr. Samalamadingdong.  He waves at Alex and yells "hi Alex!" throughout games and practices, but his true love is the Zamboni.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017


These two...

Monday, November 20, 2017

Nick Names

When Alex was about 3, one of his aunts gave him a Cars flip open sofa; same idea as this one, but just a different cover.  The one we have has Lightining McQueen plastered all over it as well.  That little sofa some how made it through Alex, and has been passed down to Sam.  He has decided it is his favorite TV watchin' spot, and frequently asks me to move it away from the wall into a front and center viewing position.  The fantastic part is what he calls it...

"Mama?  Can you pleeeeeeease move my Lightining McCouch?"


Someday I will not be dealing with urine and fecal matter on a daily basis.  Right?  RIGHT??!!

We are still trying to get Sam to wake up and go to the bathroom if he has to pee at night.  Travis (who has decided he is completely against Pull-Ups now) has been slacking on his routine of waking Sam up a couple hours after we put him down, so about 3 or 4 nights a week, Sam pees in his sleep and I end up having to wash his bedding.  It's not that big of a deal because it's only a mattress cover and a couple blankets as I am smart enough to not put sheets on until we are done with this, but still.  It's bedding laundry multiple times a week.  But this morning?  This morning pushed me over the edge.

I went in to wake Sam up and notice he was not on his bed.  He was on the floor with two blankets.  He woke up, I asked why he was sleeping on the floor, and he told me he fell off his bed.  Uh huh.  So I aksed if his undies were dry and he sleepily assured me they were.  He stood up to show me and that's when I was just about knocked over from the stench of urine wafting off my child.  We removed the completely pee covered undies, and I put him in the tub.  I headed back into his room to collect the soiled bedding and as I was picking the blankets up off the floor, I begged and pleaded with the pee gods that he had wrapped himself up enough as to not get pee on the carpet.  Welp, the pee gods are a bunch of jerks.  I will be lugging the carpet cleaner upstairs after I finish this.

But, I suppose having to clean the carpet in his room is just the push I needed to properly clean the hallway carpet.  Why do I have to do that you ask?  Did the dog decide to once again use that area as her personal bathroom?  Oh no...this would be another mess de Sam.  On Saturday evening, he told me he had to go potty.  Since he is completely able to pee by himself, I sent him upstairs.  A minute later he was calling for me from the top of the steps.  I went over to find him standing there naked from the waist down, singing to me that he couldn't get his underwear back on.  I sternly told him he needed to try and he plopped down on the floor.  He plopped his naked butt on the carpet.  His naked butt that had just done a lot more than pee.  His naked butt that had decidedly not seen any toilet paper after doing a lot more than peeing.  And then he hopped back up and plopped back down.  And up and down again.  With each plop down, he left a tiny bloop of poo on the carpet.  He was like a bingo dauber of poo.

And then the icing on the cake?  I was frustrated and said, "Why didn't you tell me you pooped?!?!?  I would have helped you!!!"  He looked at me with a straight face and without missing a beat said, "I didn't poop."

Tuesday, November 14, 2017


There have been some times when I realized maybe I shouldn't be so grumpy about something minor after seeing it from the perspective of one of the boys.  Yesterday morning was one of those times. 

I woke up to see everything outside covered in a thick layer of frost and immediately grumbled.  But then Sam looked outside.  "Mama!  The grass and everything is covered in frosting!"

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Pee Walker

We have been trying to get Sam to be potty trained through the night.  There was some back and forth about the timing...I think/thought he was too little.  Travis thinks/thought he is fine and was sick of buying Pull-Ups.  Due to the disagreeing opinions, "we" decided Travis would have to be the one to wake Sam up to go to the bathroom during the night.  That was the only way we could convince Alex's body to realize it needed to pee, so we figured we'd start there with Sam.

Well, when I'm wrong I will admit it.  And for quite a few months, I happily did not have to admit it while I was begrudgingly washing bedding almost every night.  But, all of a sudden, it stuck...for the most part.  He still doesn't usually wake up on his own, but he is making it through the night more often than not.

Last night, he woke up, called for me, and said he had to pee.  So we stumbled to the bathroom.  At the threshold, Sam dropped his undies to his ankles and started waddling into the bathroom.  My thought of this being odd quickly shifted to NO!NO!NO!NO! when I realized he was peeing while walking to the toilet.  So, today instead of washing bedding, I am scrubbing the bathroom floor.

I'm buying more Pull-Ups.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

This One

No school Mondays mean I get a fun lunch date.

Potty Mouth

This morning on the way to day care. Sam was singing as usual, but today's lyrics were a  I realized mixed in with all the gibberish was, "Pinchin' your butt, pinchin' your butt, pinchin' your butt and poooooooooooooooooopin'."  I told him I didn't like that song because the words were not polite.

"Ooooookkkkkkkk!  I'll sing a different song.  A, B, C, D, E, F, Geeee, H, I, J, K, poopin' on a tree."

Thursday, November 2, 2017

One Reason

There are many times, like daily, that I question our decision to have children.  Can you imgaine how much flipping money/santiy/free time/space for activities we would have without these little suckers?  But as soon as it all seems too overwhelming to handle, one of them makes my heart explode.

At dinner last night, out of nowhere, Sam put down his fork, looked around at the rest of us and just said, "I really love you guys."


I may have mentioned a couple of times how much I really truly do not like Halloween.  It's just so much.  Buying candy, decorating, thinking of a costume, getting said costume, not eating said candy, cramming kids into costumes they have now decided they no longer want.  I could go on.  And that doesn't even count if you dare go out to the bars and have to deal with the freakin amateur hour that debacle is.  It is just. so. much.

Even though I dislike it, I trudge through every year for the sake of the childrens.  Those stinky childrenses.  It's a good thing they're cute.  I present Tiny the Pteranodon and Army Guy:
Oh.  And that whole thing about not eating the candy?  That only counts before Trick or Treat, right?  Because, sweet sassy molassy Twix are good.
(That bunny is so good at the creepy photobomb)

Monday, October 30, 2017

My Heart&Soul

I'd apologize for the cheesy title, but I like it too much.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

If you say so

I finally sent Sam to daycare with the appropriate outdoor wear today.  When I had him try on the hat and mittens to make sure they fit, I told him he needed these things to be ready for winter time.  He spent the rest of the evening wearing the hat, mittens, and only underwear while continually pointing out he was ready for winter time.

This morning he was equally excited to wear the hat and mittens.  Lucky for daycare I was able to wrestle him into more clothing than just underwear.  The entire drive to daycare he was again telling me he was ready for winter time, but then he also expounded on what he was going to do once it snowed.  He is really excited to make snowballs.  He's going to make all the snowballs.  And I am going to help him.  And snowballs are his favorite thing.  And snowballs are his favorite thing because they are his favorite color.  Snowballs are white and that's his favorite, "so that's the shape of that color."



As previously mentioned, we have been talking to Alex about Aiden dying in an effort to prepare him as much as possible for the semi truck of emotions that event will deliver.  The other night, I thought he was procrastinating coming upstairs to get ready for bed and I was getting a bit impatient.  I finally yelled down the stairs for him to come up, and he replied that he would in a sec but that he was talking to Aiden.  I looked down into the living room to see him kneeling on the floor in front of the couch with his head resting on the couch cushion next to her head while he was petting her and talking to her.  Yeah, I immediately felt like an asshole for scolding him and let him be with her as long as he wanted.

When he came upstairs, he was visibly sad and I asked what was wrong.

"I just really don't want her to die."
"I know buddy.  I am so sorry."
"Mom?  When she does die, can we have a pet funeral for her?"
~trying desparately to figure out what a pet funeral would entail~"Of course we can."
"And?  Then can you find another dog that looks exactly like her and make sure it's a girl and can we name her Aiden?"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand then we cried.  When it happens, the death of this dog is gonna be rough.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Sticky Silver Lining

A fun thing to do when you work from home is to set up camp at the kitchen table.  And what makes it even more fun is if you sit near your younger child's chair at the table, you don't have to worry about your paper sliding around when you write.  It'll just stick right there.  Thanks last night's dinner!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Field Trip!

Daycare took the kids on a field trip yesterday to a farm near us called Busy Barns.  They have approximately a zillion things for kids to do and Sam loved it.  They have giant metal tubes the kiddos can crawl or walk through and apparently Sam took quite a liking to them.
This morning, he woke up and asked where we were going.  I said that we needed to get ready for the day, but then we would go to daycare.  "But Mama.  Where are we going?"  Uhhhh, to daycare.  I finally figured out he was asking if he was going on another field trip today. 

And It Begins

Alex is starting his second season of hockey.  Last year was just Initiation to Skate.  But this year?  This year he gets to play games.  He is a little bit excited.
"Mom.  This is fine.  It's not creepy.  I'm just gonna sleep in it."

Chef Tries A Lot

Alex is still very interested in learning how to cook.  He is getting pretty good at making scrambled eggs even though he is some sort of barbarian and won't let me season them at all.  Yesterday morning we had a quick lesson in meal prep in, eggs rolls, dude...Ya gotta put them somewhere safe.

Thursday, October 12, 2017


This is Sam's new favorite way to sit to watch TV:
If you can't tell, the supports of this blanket hammock are my legs.  So basically I have to sit with my legs stretched out and my feet anchored on the ottoman.  Then I get a blanket and tuck it under my feet (it's helpful if I'm wearing shoes for extra grip) and under my thighs and butt.  Once I'm all set, Sam flops in like a seal climbing onto an ice floe, wiggles all around until he's comfy, and then begins his narration whatever show we are watching to me.  Don't mind my left foot cocked to the side from the weight of a 3 year old.  It will only break a little.

It's super fun for everyone involved.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

How? Why?

How are you spending your Saturday morning? Me? I'm spending it scrubbing my dining room walls with a sponge because my children have not evolved beyond their food flinging primate ancestors.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017


Some people will see a jug half full of wine bottle corks.  Some people will see a jug half empty.  Me?  I see a challenge.

Monday, October 2, 2017


Just want to write down that Alex calls shorts, "shorts," and pants?  Yeah, he calls those "longs."  I may have mentioned that before on this here blog o' mine, but it's still going on and I never want to forget it.

We're Goin' to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo

Although it could be, that post title is not a reflection of my mental state; I did actually take the boys to the zoo yesterday.  The weather was gorgeous, we had nothing planned, and our local zoo is free.  Done and done.

Sam is absolutely enthralled with animals right now.  And he is incredibly expressive.  These two things combined to create an amusing trip.  He was making me (and most other adults present) laugh at every single exhibit.  He would start with an incredibly loud, "WHHHHHOOOOOOAAAAA!  Look at that animal!!!"  This announcement was usually accompanied by laughter of disbelief in what he was seeing.  Then he would go on to narrate what the animal was doing and why.

Both boys wanted to feed the goats first.  Alex enjoys this activity for approximately 9 pellets of food and then he's good.  Sam, on the other hand, thinks feeding goats is beyond hilarious.  He probably would have thrown a fit when we were leaving to tour the rest of the zoo, but he was entirely irritated with the other goats that were pushing around "his" white goat.  He only wanted to feed the one white goat.  Have you ever been to the goat feeding area of a zoo?  It is pellet fueled goat mayhem.  You cannot feed just one particular goat.  And if you do manage to get one goat more than one pellet, the other goats will get pissed and just push their way through.  And then your favorite white goat will fade into the sea of pellet grubbing goats and you will be ready to look at some meerkats.

Given his obsession with bears, our lunch with floor to ceiling windows next to our table looking into the polar bear exhibit was particularly good.  The only bummer was that the bears were napping the whole time we were eating.  Perhaps that is for the best though.  I would not have dealt well with all the chewed up hot dog flying at me while he was excitedly telling me exactly what I could see the bears doing.

He also could not get over how big the rhino was.  He kept looking at it, yelling about it being giant, and then turning to me wide eyed and mouth agape.  Sometimes asking me if I could believe how giant the rhino was.  He is a trip.

While Alex enjoyed the animals as well, I think he was happiest that I let them goof around in the play area for a while.  An activity that normally irritates me. Why why why do I want to stand here in a playground when there are prairie dogs to watch??!

Thursday, September 28, 2017


Since we don't like sanity, Travis and I are thinking about letting the boys have bunk beds.  Alex is allllllllll about it.  Sam says he wants to, but it's always after Alex says it will be so great if they share a room and have bunk beds.  So in an attempt to get Sam's honest feelings I asked him the other day just out of the blue...

Me:  Hey Sam!  What do you want to do?  Do you want to stay in your room or share a room and have bunk beds with Alex?
Sam:  I want pizza.

Good talk.

Wishful Thinking

I was making dinner last night and Sam asked if he could pull up a chair to stand on and watch what I was doing.  Sure thing little buddy.  Then this conversation happened:

Sam:  What are you making Mama?
Me:  Chicken pot pie.
Sam (looking at the veggies being sauteed and the pot of potatoes boiling):  That's not chicken pot pie.
Me:  Not yet it isn't.  But I'm going to cook all of these ingredients, mix them together, put the crust on, and then put it in the oven and bake it!
Sam:  And then it will turn into bacon?!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Please excuse the blurriness...but doesn't it look like my dog was put together incorrectly?

Oh the Arguing and The Irony

Alex's bike finally gave up on us, and we had to replace it.  We were really trying to make it last this season, but it had different ideas, so a new (to us) bike was in order.  I found a nice used one, and he absolutely loves it and now is dying to ride his bike to school.  Sure thing, just find your bike lock and we're good to go.  Uh huh.

That was when he told us he has it, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut he doesn't remember the combination to get it unlocked.  I reminded him that we set it together and I remember it, so it's ok.  Yes, it would be ok if he hadn't changed it after we set it.  So now we have a bike lock with some random 4 digit number that will unlock it, and nobody knows what that number is.

So yesterday morning was full of Alex saying, "Oh!  I know what it is!  It's _ _ _ _," and then me trying whatever string of numbers he rattled off only to have the lock remain, well, locked.  After the fifth or sixth go 'round with that, Alex gave up and said, "Well, can't we just go buy a new one?"  Yeah, not a good time to flippantly bring up the fact that you think we should just go buy a new bike lock because your little 8 year old self decided to change the combination your mother set for you.  But, I was not the one to lose my cool over this.  Travis took the reigns.  Poor Alex.

Travis went on a bit of a lecture about how irresponsible it was for Alex to change the combination and then forget it.  And that we weren't about to go run out and spend another $20 to replace the lock so he could have the privilege of riding his new bike to school.  And that Alex needs to spend some time trying to figure out what he might have set the combination as instead of just giving up.  And that Alex's cousin worked in a cheese factory this summer for $10 an hour and it would take him 2 hours to earn enough money to buy new bike lock.  And clearly Alex doesn't understand the worth of money.

During this whole lecture, I managed to bite my tongue and not remind Travis that his bike lock?  Yeah, that sucker has been locked to Travis's bike for the last three years because he lost the key.  I held my tongue until Travis took a break from talking to Alex, and came down to my desk all frustrated with "how irresponsible Alex is" with his things and how glib Alex is about money.  That was when I said that I was frustrated as well, but just keep in mind you too have a useless bike lock.  It happens.  You're 39 years old.  He's 8.  But apparently that is different because Travis lost the key to his lock when we were moving.  Oh, ok.

Travis then decided he was going to try every single number from 0000 to 9999 until he found the number that unlocked the lock.  He also decided he was unequivocally pissed that Alex wasn't willing to an active participant in that endeavor.  After a lot of arguing and pouting, Travis said, "You do realize if I sit here and take the time and find the combination, you're gonna owe me $20, right?"  Now.  A lot of kids would have realized this was a rhetorical question.  A lot of kids would have quickly understood this was NOT a good time to get the last word in.  A lot of kids would have sat there pouting across from their irritated father, but they would have sat there silently.  Welp, Alex is not a lot of kids.  Instead of any of those options, he snarkily replied, "Well, do you have change for thirty?"

I don't know if Travis was angrier at the stupidity of that question or the backtalk, but I do know it was a good thing Alex promptly removed himself from the room.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Sleepy --> Spaz

Sam took a 3+ hour nap on Sunday.  He usually sleeps for a couple hours, but 3+ hours was a bit out of the ordinary.  Travis and I chalked it up to him not taking a long nap on Saturday and left it at that.  And then Sunday night rolled around.  And Sam went BONKERS.  Silly bonkers, but still bonkers.  But he threw in a pinch of being a complete asshole to Alex just for fun.  It took forever to get him to bed and I had to get up multiple times from reading with Alex to tend to some ridiculous request from Sam.

I came back to Alex's room to resume reading after one such request and I told Alex I was sorry Sam was being so out of control and reminded Alex that I talked to Sam about being a good brother and all that.  Alex kinda hrrrmph'd and said, "Yeah, that three hour nap really paid off....NOT."

True that, Alex.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Post soccer game feet...


Travis has had new springs for his car sitting in boxes in the basement for going on two years now.  Saturday was finally the day.  And Alex was ready!  It took them a little over 2 hours, but the car now has new shocks and Alex now has a bit more knowledge.

Friday, September 15, 2017


So I just got back from a mad dash to Alex's school because I absolutely do not have my shit together.  I got the order in for the Scholastic Book Club that was due today.  I got Alex's hair cut for his school picture today.  I filled out the form he has to give to the photographer.  I wrote the check for the only picture package that wasn't outrageously expensive and didn't include 43,983 wallet size pictures.  Seriously.  Who in the world needs that many wallet size photos?  Honestly.  Anyway, I had all that shit done.  I put Alex in a decent, clean shirt this morning and made him show me his picture smile.  No teeth were shown.  I sent him to school and came back to my desk to work.

I was being a good little worker bee and eventually moved a very important piece of paper.  Why was it so important?  Because it was COVERING UP THE PICTURE ORDER FORM ENVELOPE.  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.  I was so close!  I had everything done!  But then I had to go and muck it all up.

So, I grabbed the envelope and got my ass to the school to see if I missed it.  Hurrah!  His class doesn't go until 12:30.  I thanked the school secretary and headed on home.  THAT was when I assessed my appearance.  This.  This is what I went to my son's school looking like:
Let's just go over what you can see in this picutre.  Lumpy, hastily installed pony tail?  Check.  Frizzy "wings" of hair over each ear?  Check.  Funny but probably not the type of shirt appreciated at an elementary school?   Chaaaa-eck!

And for the things you can't see in the picture, but the secretary was graced with?  No mascara on one eye, but the distinct print of eyelashes above my eye from having wet eyelashes with yesterday's mascara on them when I held my eye open to put my contacts in?  Yep.  Smudges of yesterday's mascara on the other eye?  Absofuckinglutely.  Leg hair that is long enough to glimmer in the ever forgiving flourescent lights of an elementary school?  Oh you bet your sweet bippy.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Earth First

While cleaning the basement last time, I found a bunch of old paint from the previous owner.  Given I dislike every single color they painted in here, and the paint cans looked like they were from when the house was built, they had to go.  So, being a good little tree hugger, I set the cans outside on the driveway to dry out the paint before throwing them away.  I talked to Alex and his neighbor buddies extensively about what I was doing and that they were not to touch the cans.  I covered them at night so as to not let the dew add moisture that would just extend the process.  Since I didn't get on my horse and do this a couple of months ago when it was hot, it is taking some time, but we're getting there.

Sam announced he had to go potty and that the front yard was going to be the place.  I thought nothing of it until he yelled for me and I realized he was not in the front yard, but in front of the garage.  I replied by asking what he needed as I was rushing outside only to hear him say, "I didn't do anything to the paint."

Yeeeeeeeeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and call your bluff there little man.  This is a day and a half after a half of a roll of paper towel was used to clean up the paint puddle on the driveway.

Friday, September 8, 2017


Alex:  May I have some cereal?
Me:  Sure.
Alex:  Can you get me a bowl?
Me:  No.  You're 8.  Get a chair and get it yourself please.
Alex:  ~eating cereal and clanking his spoon over and over and over and over~
Me:  ~seething, but not saying anything until I hear the bag crinkle~ Be done after your second helping.
Alex:  This is my first!
Me:  Then WHAT have you been doing with your spoon?
Alex:  Huh?
Me:  If this is your first helping, what have you been doing with your spoon clanking against the bowl this whole time?!
Alex:  What do you mean?  This is my second helping!

That's The Point

Me:  Sam, close your eyes and go to sleep.
Sam:  I can't.  When I close my eyes, I can't see.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Say Ahhh!

Sam went to the dentist for the first time yesterday.  He was so excited and did so well.  He could barely wait until Alex was done and every time the hygenist would finish something with Alex he would ask if it was his turn.

He's ready!
He thought sunglasses for the bright light would be cool, but then decided to go without.

And isn't every dentist appointment only complete when you get a toy narwhal to bring home?

Don't Worry About It

As we are all aware, Aiden is gettin' up there in years.  The past couple of days have been a little rough for her, but she is still ready to play around in the yard at the drop of a hat.  Two nights ago I was sitting on the couch with her and lovingly called her an Old Bag.  And then I looked down at the giant ice pack I had on one wrist while resting the other wrist on top, and also spied the frozen water bottle upon which I was rolling both of my feet.

Don't worry...she was sure to give me a solid "Who's the Old Bag now, bitch?" look.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Clean Up! Clean Up! Everybody, Everywhere!

Shortly after I was presented with the aforementioned card, Alex told me he was going to clean the table.  Iiiiiiinnnnnntttteerrresting.  Yeah, that would be because he "got distracted" while he was making that card.  And apparently that distraction lead him to writing a 12 digit number on the table....with a SHARPIE.

FYI:  toothpaste takes Sharpie off of wood tables.  You can thank Alex for that knowledge.

True Love

Alex yelled to me from upstairs, "Hey Mom?  I wanna make you a card, but I can't remember how to spell your name."

This is what was presented to me shortly after spelling my name for him:
For those of us not fluent in almost 3rd grader that hasn't been in school for three months writing, it actually reads:
I love you 
Knock Knock
Who's there
Your underwear

This child needs to go back to school me thinks.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Ick. Nast.

Wanna know a pretty good indicator that you are a family of pig people?  I will tell you.  It's when you realize it would just be easier and more efficient to lug the kitchen table and chairs out to the back deck than try to clean them in the kitchen.

Each time I started on a chair, I thought to myself, "Holy man this one has to be Sam's."  Nope.  They were all that gross.  And?  Multiple times I thought a spot was a mar in the wood.  Nope.  Just grossness that wiped off with my sponge.

We are gross.

Self Starter

While I was working this morning, I could hear Alex up in the kitchen/dining room talking to himself for a solid 15 minutes.  He came bounding downstairs to ask at what temperature we cook croutons.  Uhhhhhh, 350, but I'll be right up.  On the way up the stairs he let me know he has everything prepped for cheesy croutons, but just didn't know what temp to cook them.

I came into the kitchen to find a cookie sheet with a bunch of little bread squares stuffed with tiny pieces of cheddar cheese.  Sure enough.  He had been prepping everything for cheesy croutons.  We brushed them with some melted butter and popped them in the oven.

While we were waiting for them to cook and were cleaning up, I found a ZipLock bag with a paper plate in it.  After wondering aloud what the heck that was from, I asked Alex to through it away.  "No!  That's mine!  I'm growing a tomato plant."  Ok.  I'll bite.  'Splain that please.  "Yeah, so I saw on Curious George that they soak a paper plate and then put a bean plant seed on it and put it in a bag so it will sprout.  I was eating a tomato and it squished seeds all over me, so I cleaned them up and thought, 'Hey, I could do that with a tomato seed and grow a plant.'  So I'm gonna do that."

And now he's eating a salad with his cheesy croutons that he is sure he could get all of our neighbors to buy at $0.10 each crouton.

Pack It Up; We're Done Here

Welp, I'm pretty sure I have lost all control.

While he was dressed in a full-on MineCraft jumpsuit pajama situation, Alex was completely ignoring my instructions to stop tickling/wrestling/pinching me and he said something that had absolutely no bearing on the situation.  When I said, "That doesn't even make sense!" he came back with, "I make dollahs; not cents yo!"

Lost. All. Control.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Huge Step

As I previously mentioned, Alex racked up quite a bill buying video game coins.  Yeah.  That's been fun topic around here for the past week and a half.  Long story short, he is now earning 324 points doing things around the house before he can play his Xbox again.

Last school year, he wanted to ride his bike to school, but there is a stretch of road on the journey that doesn't have a bike path or sidewalk, and there is a ton of traffic.  Because of that, I would drive him to where the bike path started and let him ride from there and then pick him up there after school.  Not ideal.  While I was out on a run the other day, I found a different way to the bike path that has sidewalk the whole way.  So, I've been asking Alex to ride his bike with me when I go running so I can show him the route, and in turn he will be able to ride his bike to school if he wants.  He has been resistant, but today he came with me.

He stuck with me on the way there since he didn't know where we were going, but once we turned around at his school, he gave me a "see ya at home!" over his shoulder and took off.  I got a little concerned when I crested a hill that I was sure I was going to be able to see him from and he was no where in sight.  My worries were quelled once I turned onto our street and saw our garage door open.

I came in the house to him telling me he smoked me getting home.  Yeah dude, that'll happen when you're ON WHEELS.  Anyway, I thanked him for coming with me and asked what he thought about the path I found.  He said it was cool and then said...wait for it...are you sitting down?  Good.  He said, "And Mom?  I've been noticing that since I haven't been playing the Xbox...I feel like I have a ton more energy and it's really cool."

Slightly Out of Control

Both my boys love love love baths, showers, swimming, anything with water really.  Bath time with Sam can get a little tricky.  His love of water usually gets him a bit squirrely, and if you don't settle him right away, it escalates real quick like.

At least it was soapy water he was splashing on the floor.  Bathroom floor?  Clean.

Stay Little

For as long as I have been snuggling (read:  falling asleep with) Alex every night, my main defense of this spoiling behavior is that he won't want me to snuggle him forever, so I'm gonna do it while he's still ok with it.  Yeah, well, I've been using that as a defense, but I was clearly not ready for it when he was ready to be old.

Last night, Travis was brewing beer with his buddy, which usually includes a fair amount of consuming beer as well.  So on brew nights, he usually just crashes on the couch there.  And any time Travis isn't home at night, Alex wants to sleep in our bed with me.  So last night when he was brushing his teeth, I told him he could sleep with me.  He happily trotted into my room.  But then he stopped and said, "Actually, that's ok.  I'll just sleep in my own room.  And Mom?  You don't have to snuggle me tonight."  I felt a sting shoot through my heart, and immediately thought to myself, "Fix your face!  Fix your face!"

This is pretty good summation of my reaction:
Image result for oh ok meme

And then?  He really drove the dagger in to the hilt with, " don't need to snuggle me tomorrow night either.  Good night Mom!"

So I gathered my barfed up heart off the floor, and went in to his room to say goodnight and close his blinds.  That is when he explained that he didn't want me to snuggle him because he "needed to get used to this for college."

Monday, August 14, 2017


Alex yelling to me from the kitchen:  Mom!  It's 11:11!!
Me:  Ah!  Make a wish!
Alex:  I wish that....that nobody gets mad at me for eating all the chocolate of the eclair.

Well played sir, well played.

Thursday, August 10, 2017


Travis helped out a friend with a leaky hose bib the last two evenings.  The boys and I were at my parents' yesterday, and Alex grabbed my phone when we were leaving.  He got a very serious expression which quickly turned to anger and said, "Mom.  Jeffrey sent you a text.  ...  It's about dad.  ...  And it is NOT nice."  I was completely confused because Jeffrey is one of our best friends and would never utter a bad word about Travis.  And then I looked at the text and burst out laughing.

"Trav is the shit!"

Monday, August 7, 2017

Deep Breaths Ain't Cuttin' It

Alex and I are really struggling lately.  I know it's a mix of the long summer, him trying to figure out how to be not a little kid but not yet grown, and me having high expectations (and little patience) for his behavior.  I know this.  But ho-ly shit.  We might actually box one of these days.

Yesterday, we "started over" three times.  Basically when we are having a rough morning, we stop, talk it out, and agree to start the day over with our earlier disagreements in the past.  That had to happen three freking times yesterday.  One would think after that many restarts we would be good to go.  Turns out, not so much.

He, Sam, and a neighbor kid were playing in the sandbox before dinner.  And while I was chopping some stuff, the neighbor kid's mom was in the kitchen with me.  But she had a good view outside, and at one point said, "Soooo, not trying to tattle on Alex or anything, but just so you're aware, he is putting handfuls of sand in Sam's underwear."  Because of course he is.  So, I went to the door, asked Alex if he would like it if someone put sand in his underwear (for those of us keeping track, he wouldn't like it), and told him to knock it off.  About 37 seconds later, neighbor mom said, "Ummmm....I mean...yeah...he's now putting handfuls of sand in Sam's hair."  So, I calmly put down my knife (POINTS FOR ME), walked outside to the sandbox, picked up a full bucket of sand, and silently dumped it on Alex's head (not so many points for me). Things devolved from there real quick like.

And all of this was before Travis realized Alex had racked up a bunch charges on his account in video game coins.  Sweet sassy molassey.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Fine...this is cute too

Seriously, he is so excited.

Two Peas in an Annoyed Pod

Sitting at my desk and Alex is in the playroom.

Me(singing):  Baby I been, I been losin' sleep!
Alex:  Really.  Have you really been losing sleep Mom?

He is too much like me.  It hurts sometimes.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

This Is It

Last night, Sam slept in a "big boy bed" for the first time.  Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!  He loved it.  He was so excited.  I am slightly heartbroken.  I mean, just look at how cute he was in his crib!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Sunny Saturday

We hung out at my parents' house on Saturday and as usual, Gramma had her camera out and ready!

Friday, July 28, 2017

Lake Red Stone...We Love You.

We spent 5 days at Travis's brother's in-law's lake house this past week.  That place is glorious.  It is a place of fun, relaxation, quiet (when the boys are out futzing around and not wrestling their cousins in the house), and just goodness.  I love it there.  I was sad when I woke up on Thursday and was in my own bed.  I take the same picture every year, but seriously!  Look at this place!!

This year we ended up sleeping all four of us in one king size bed.  This arrangement was caused by Sam being too big for a pack n play and Alex refusing to share a queen size bed with any one of his cousins.  Why?  Because he really like snuggles from Sam and me.  Whatever.

On Sunday night, as I was crookedly spooning Sam with my head where my feet should be, I woke from my light slumber (see above mention of 4 whole humans sleeping in 1 bed) hearing a weird noise.  It took a hot second for me to realize it was Sam peeing.  Yep.  He was laying there, flat on his back, completely asleep, with his overnight diaper pulled down just far enough to get his business out, and was peeing straight into the air, not stirring one bit from his own pee fountain splashing down on and around him.

I jumped up and grabbed a towel to put under him in an effort to stop the pee from seeping through the mattress cover and into the 2" memory foam mattress topper because whhooo boy, I did NOT want to replace that sucker.  And still none of this woke him.  Then?  Then I took his precious Blank away.  You know, because it had PEE ALL OVER IT.  That did it.  That woke him up.  And sent him into a fit a wolverine would be impressed by. my irritation and exhaustion...I gave it back to him.   I handed my pee covered child a pee covered blanket I knew he was going to snuggle with and chew on, and I left the room and slept on the couch.

Other than that and the fact that it has rained so much, the entire lake was in emergency No Wake for all but 1 day we were there, we had a great time as usual.  On the way there, Alex made a list of the things he wanted to do as soon as we arrived:
1.  strash (read:  Stretch)
2.  fish
3.  wiat for Jason and The Platvill boys (read:  wait for Jason and  the Platteville boys)

He held true to his list.  After stretching, he took Sam and Travis right down to the pier while I unloaded the car, and they fished there until the boys showed up.
We had (slow) boat rides, swimming (some naked), jumping off giant rocks into the water, some yard work, boat naps, and campfires.  It was an awesome trip.

And?  Have I mentioned how much I love this view?