Saturday, July 22, 2017

Webster's Eat Your Heart Out

Another entry in the kiddos' dictionary of words I refuse to correct:  

Washing maclean:  def - appliance used to clean clothing/blankets/etc. Ex:  "We can put Blank in the washing maclean and he'll get aaaalllllll clean."

Monday, July 17, 2017

Makes Sense

Alex had some left over ribs for lunch.  He had some stuck in his teeth, so I sent him upstairs to use a flosser thingy.  After about 5 minutes he was at the top of  the steps telling me he almost puked.  Why you ask?  Because he had 4 flossers in his mouth at once and gagged himself.  And why did he have 4 flossers in his mouth at once?  "Because I was being a vampire."

He also delayed our errand running by asking to shower because he was "covered in meat."  To be fair...he was quite messy.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Goin' to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, Zoo

Daycare took the kiddos on a field trip to the Henry Vilas Zoo today.  It's a free zoo and we didn't have anything goin' on, so Alex and I decided to join them.

So many closed lip Alex smiles.

"We're on the traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're done.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Ponce de León

I had some errands to run today, one of which was getting the dog's nails trimmed.  Yes, I realize this is a task I could do myself, but she hates it and I'm terrified of hurting her.  And, the pet store does a grinder thingy instead of just clipping them so her nails don't end up so sharp.

Alex had the seats arranged so Aiden would sit with him in the third row seating in the truck, and for the first five minutes of the drive, I could hear him telling her he loved her every minute or so.  And then he said, "Mom?  Wouldn't it be cool if we could find some water that Aiden could take a bath in that would keep her young forever?  Then I could see how fast she used to be and we could just keep her and not ever get a different dog."  Yes buddy, that would be cool.

Will do

At drop off yesterday, Sam stopped me from leaving to run up to me, pat my stomach and say, "Ok Little Mama Baby, you go and be a good boy for daddy."  Uhhhhh, ok?

Jack Hannah He Ain't

I was mowing the lawn yesterday with our little push mower, and I turned a corner and saw something kinda flop out from under the mower.  Upon closer inspection, it was a frog.  Was.  Well, I mean it was still a frog, but a very much dead frog that no longer had all of its complete appendages.  I was super grossed out so I left it laying there upside down with its poor white little belly exposed while I finished mowing.

While I was grabbing the standing dust pan/rake combo we use to pick up dog poo, Alex asked what I was doing.  I told him what happened, and he obviously immediately expressed his desire to see it.  Well...I mean...that's morbid and nasty, but you do come from a family that includes an aunt that intentionally decomposed a toad in a box so she could have a toad skeleton, so let's go scoop us a mangled frog!

We got out there and Alex was appropriately sad, and then asked me to flip it over.  That's when I saw it was missing about half its skull.  As I was gagging, Alex leaned in and announced it was a male frog.  Oh really?  And pray tell, how did you figure that?  "Well, the male frog has a bigger brain than a female frog, so this is a male."  Uh huh.  And you just have a mental catalog of how big an average male and/or female frog brain is?  Ok, sure.

Covert Communication

Lately Alex has decided that an effective way to communicate with me without his brother knowing what he's talking about is to just say the first half of whatever word he wants to say.  So, if he wants to go to Culver's, he'll say, "Mom?  Can we go to...Cul?"  Or if he wants to watch a Wild Kratts..."Mom?  Can I ~head nod toward the TV~...a Wild?"  It's mostly effective but frankly annoying.  Just say what you wanna say!!  If it's something your brother is gonna spaz about, just wait until he's not in the room, or say it discreetly to me.

Anywho, Alex and I were at Costco the other day, and he reminded me multiple times that he really likes the muffins they sell.  And because it's Costco, you get a dozen muffins the size of a gorilla's fist for $7.  They are terrible for you I'm sure.  Especially his favorite flavor:  chocolate with chocolate chunks.  They are a dessert muffin.  But, I'm a sucker for this kid, so we bought some.

But now?  Now when he wants one?  "Hey Mom?  Can I eat a muff?"  It is everything I can do to not cringe and burst out laughing.  

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Laser Tag

As previously mentioned, we did a laser tag party for Alex's birthday.  That shit ain't cheap, so I told him if that was what he really wanted to do, he needed to understand that was the only thing we were getting him for his birthday.  That was his present from us.  What I didn't mention was that it would be rude to point that out to every single person attending said party.

As guests arrived, Alex was standing there and would say, "Hi!  Welcome to my party!  This is my present from my parents."  No pressure or weirdness there.

He is so flippin' cute though, so I'll let it slide.

Friday, June 30, 2017

We'll Get There

Not sure what's up with me, but I haven't been exactly motivated to do...well...pretty much anything lately.  And unfortunately that has seeped into wanting to write.  Lamesauce. It'll come back; it always does.

It was Alex's birthday yesterday.  He is now 8 years old.  He's creepin' on that age range of boys when I usually just do not like them very much, so that's gonna be interesting.  I don't know, there is just something about boys from about 8 or 9 until 12 or 13 that I could leave right on the curb.  They are awkwardly tying to figure themselves out and frankly, I'm pretty sure I'm still doing that so I kinda feel like y'all are stealin' my sweet vibe.  We shall see how this all plays out now that it's my boy.

He wanted to stay home from camp yesterday since it was his birthday so it was a special occasion and he really just wanted to be with me.  Uh. Huh.  Either he is the sweetest kid in the northern hemisphere, or he totally played me, but he got to stay home.  Before I gave in, I told him if he stayed home, hanging out with me would mean going to Costco, the grocery store, meeting up with my boss, and he would have to get a haircut.  "I'm good with that." he said with a smug little smile.  So then I dropped the bomb:  he could stay home, but there were to be zero video games.  There was a slight hesitation, but he still held firm to his claim of wanting to hang out with me.  So off we went.

He went from this shaggy little boy:

To this dashing young man:

Don't mind my forehead wrinkles in that second picture.  The other night Sam sat in my lap staring at my face and tracing my wrinkles with his little finger, saying, "What are this Mama?"  Wrinkles.  "This are wrinkles?"  Yes, now learn some better grammar.  But do that after you finish laser tag, because you are so flippin' cute in the gear I just cannot take it.
Also, don't drive angry.

Annnnnnywho, Happy Birthday Sweet Alex!

Friday, June 23, 2017

Meaning of Life

When my sisters and I were kids, we would shout a non-sensicle chant out the car windows every time we were leaving our grandparents' house.  It goes a little something like this:

High! Low!  Minney minney kai chai!  Ooom cha cha cha pee wah waaaahhhhh!

We never had, and still don't have, any clue what it means, but we loved to scream it while hanging our faces out the windows of the station wagon.  And now, our kids love screaming it at our parents every time we leave their house.

Alex was just sitting at the kitchen table working on a perler race car, and out of nowhere he said, "Mom?  I think I know what 'high low minney minney kai chai' means....I'm pretty sure it means, 'We miss you and we love you.'"

That noise you heard was my heart exploding.



Dude Perfect is a YouTube channel that some guys have where they try ridiculous trick shots of any and every kind.  They clearly film the tries over and over and over and they are incredibly and extremely audibly excited when they finally hit the shot.  There is a lot of celebration to put it mildly.
It's amusing...for about 3 minutes.  It is not amusing when you are working and have an almost 8 year old (8?  When the HELL did that happen by the way?!) in the same room watching the videos back to back to back and getting as excited as these obviously incredibly intelligent gentlemen every time they actually complete whatever ridiculous trick they are attmepting.  Oh, and don't forget the hype music in the background.  Can't forget that.

It goes something like this:  "Hype music; attempt; attempt; louder hype music; attempt; 5 GROWN ASS MEN LOSING THEIR MINDS."

Good times.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Fathers' Day

I had one cooking breakfast and one doing the dishes.  Are we sure this wasn't Mothers' Day?
And then later they were all out gardening.

Great day for some baseball!

We were invited to the Brewers' game on Saturday.  We slathered up with some sunscreen and headed out to sweat our butts off.  Aside from a brand new $13 beer being knocked out of my hand by two of the children with our group, it was a good day.

 Even though it was a zillion degrees with the highest humidity possible, Blank had to come with.  And promptly needed to be washed upon arriving home.

Friday, June 16, 2017

It's Festival Season Y'all!

Our local festival is this weekend, so we took the boys last night for "wristband night."  You get unlimited rides for $15 instead of $2-3/ride.  Travis got slightly ill on the first ride.  Alex rode everything a zillon times.  Except the Zipper.  That thing is crazytown.

All of the rides for Sam are pretty much the same, just differnet vessels for the kids to sit in.  Only difference is that some go up and down while going around in circles.  Sam was quite partial to the dragons.  He rode it 4 times in a row, then went to the airplanes for two times, and then back to the dragons.  I thought he was gonna cut a little girl that got to the blue dragon before he did.  He threw in a couple times on the cars for good measure too.
The best part for me was the carnival workers weren't paying attention to the foliage when they set up the airplane ride.  So when the planes would go up, they would "fly' the kids right through a tree branch.  Sam would squeal each time and yell, "The leaves are ticklin' me Mama!"

Also, Alex doesn't like funnel cake.  Who's kid is that?

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


Travis took the boys to the races on Thursday night.  At 9:30 I got the following picture and text:
"I got a slushie that says we make it 'til 10."  

I have to admit, I giggled and agreed.  I was thinking, "Meh...10 isn't the worst thing in the world."  But then 10:30 rolled on by, no Travis and kiddos.  And then at 11 when there was still no Travis and kiddos, I called and was told they were on the way home.  I was still hopeful Sam was at least asleep in the car.  Nope.  Wide awake and ready to tell me about all the race cars he saw.  Greeeeeeat.  

All I have to say is this:  The parent that keeps the 3 year old out until after 11 at the races should be the parent that has to get the 3 year old ready for daycare in the morning, Travis.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Mothers'/Fathers' Day

Daycare did a combo gift for Mothers' & Fathers' Day this year.  And once again, they knocked it out of the park.

Benjamin Buttons Style

I decided Alex is in charge of walking the dog every day during summer break.  So this morning, I sent him on his way after a couple bottle rocket launches (seriously, TinkerCrate is AMAZING) and a quick argument about the fact that he operates on a baseline assumption that I am always wrong.  Annnnywho, I still get a little bajiggidity about him walking around the neighborhood by himself.  He is just such a friendly kid, I feel like his desire to talk to people might make him an easy target.  So, before he left for the walk, I went over the whole "Don't talk to strangers" thing.

He just got back and I asked how the walk went:

-Perfect!  Aiden didn't poop at all!!  And?  Mom?  Is it ok to say "Nice day for a walk!" to a stranger?
-Yes, that's fine.
-Oh good!  Because there was this other guy walking his dog, and I said that to him.
-Yep, buddy, that is perfect.

And now I'm sitting here cracking up picturing this 8 year old saying "Nice day for a walk!" to a random adult.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

No Surprise Here

It might be shocking to see Alex's last day of school picture and see a smile WITH TEETH SHOWING.  But be ye not afraid.  I made him smile that way.  This is the first picture:


The other night, Sam was up in his crib doing his typical routine of coming up with any and every reason to not sleep.

(Tangent:  Yes, he is 3 and still in a crib.  He loves it and still has yet to try to climb out.  Why in the name of Zeus would I change that?  He is CONTAINED.  And happy about it.  He's stayin' in there as long as possible.  It might cramp his style a bit in college, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.)

So he sat in his crib talking to his stuffed animals, listing off the different things he had eaten that day, and randomly singing.  And then through the monitor we heard, "Daddy?  Can you come turn on the light and see what's on my finger?"


Fun fact:  neither of us went in.  We figured there was nothing in there that could harm him, so we'd have a fun discovery in the morning.  And not shockingly, there was nothing on his finger come morning.  And he didn't seem hungry.  Coincedence?

Schooooool's Our for Summer!

Today is Alex's last day of 2nd grade.  Let's see how he's changed....

First Day:
Last Day:
Bigger feet, a couple inches taller, shaggy hair.  Yep, that's the end of the school year.

Thursday, June 1, 2017


Neither of my kids like to wear clothing.  If they had their way, they would be naked at all times. Which is fine when we are home, and lends itself to awesome photo ops:
(I know it looks like he's posing, but I just happened to catch him right before he was pointing to show me where he was going to run.)
(I still haven't found that pair of underwear.)

This hatred of clothes mixed with Sam's need to over-explain everything, has morphed into a funny little habit.  He now tells me what he wants to wear to do different activities.  But rarely is he willing to wear clothes or a complete outfit.  So I end up with a 3 year old telling me he wants to wear his pajama pants and his belly to school.  Or a completely naked 3 year old telling me he wants to "wear this" in his bath.  


Sam likes to pretend he's a baby and pretend cry and have me pretend comfort him by holding him, patting his back, and saying, "It's ok baby.  It's ok."  I have no idea where this little game of pretend came from, but I will do anything in my power to stop him from making the horrendous fake cry sound he makes while playing it.

This has spawned a new thing.  Any time he pushes me to the point I lose my temper and scold him or yell at him, he immediately drops to the floor in the fetal position and cries.  It's still a fake cry, but not the "I'm pretending to be a baby" cry.  It's still ridiculous.  But that is not the most ridiculous part.

After he "cries" for about 13 seconds, he gets up, comes over to me, pats my leg and sometimes gives my leg a kiss, while saying, "It's ok mama baby.  It's ok."

Gee...thanks kid.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Always Near

Ya know how people have audible pauses when they speak?  Yeah?  Well, Sam's audible pause is "uppy Mama."  He will be completely occupied with something and in the middle of whatever he is doing, he'll pause, and seemingly absentmindedly, and say "uppy Mama."  Sometimes, he'll actually get up and come over to me and asked to be picked up, but other times, he just says it.  Or he'll just ask for confirmation I am within earshot.  I'll be in the kitchen and he'll be in the playroom, and the following will happen:

Sam:  Mama?
Me:  Yes?
Sam:  ...
Me:  Yes, Sam?
Sam:  ...
Me:  Sam!  What do you need?
Sam:  ...
Me:  ...
Sam:  Mama?
Me:  ::slowly slipping into different levels of insanity::

It's great to be loved, but as a friend said, sometimes you can be loved too much.

But!  This whole ridiculousness does lead to some good snuggles and good pictures.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Last One

I'm pretty sure this is my favorite picture from Sam's birthday.  Those eyes, man.

But I like this one an awful lot too:


We got Sam a new ride on tractor for his birthday.  I'll just let a picture of him explain how he feels about it:


Sweet Sam is 3.  And he is all sorts of the fabled "Trying Three's."  I swear he, just like every other 3 year old, is running some sort of psychological test to see just how many times he can whine, "Mamaaaaa?" before I just straight lose my shit.  Also?  The arguing.  He argued with me last night about the words on a page in a book "we" were reading.  Like consistently and persistently telling me I was reading the words incorrectly.  This was shortly after I left him in his bed with said book so I could help Alex, and about 27 seconds after I left the room, I heard him say in exasperation, "But but but...I don't know how to read."  That's right ya little shit, you don't.  So how's about you stop telling me I'm wrong?!  Hmmm?  Can we try that on for size?!

Man it's a good thing he's cute.  And oh he is cute.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Birthday Food Brunch

Awesome part of working from home after a birthday party that featured a taco bar?  Pork tacos for breakfast.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Morning Toys

Sam is obssessed with anything that can be hooked together.  This was him for a good half hour this morning:

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

This Bitch

Oh don't mind her...just lounging on the FRESHLY SHAMPOOED CARPET.  The carpet that I have to continually shampoo because OF HER.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

A Little Pop

The walls of the common areas of our house are all different shades of brown.  Brown brown brown.  Everywhere.  I hate it.  So after a quick three years of hating it, I finally decided to make some changes.

We have a 3/4 wall between the kitchen and living room, so I decided to paint the living room side of it red:
Fine and dandy.

I decided to paint the kitchen side of the wall blue, but I wanted a brighter blue.  Travis was concerned it was going to look like toothpaste.  I told him not to worry.  About 1/3 of the way into painting, I sent him a text informing him he was right and I was wrong and I hated it.  Knowing my constant and instant rejection to change, he replied, "Maybe you just need to let it dry and let it grow on you a little.  No picutre though?"

So I sent him a picture when it was done:
He did not respond.  At all.  So after about 20 minutes of radio silence, I sent "Your lack of response is speaking volumes."  He replied, "Just letting it dry and grow on me a little."  Funny man.

Alex, on the other hand, LOVES it.  He came home from school, walked in, dramatically dropped his backpack, and slowly walked through the kitchen staring at the walls and saying, "O...M...G...omg.  OMG!"  And when I asked if those were good or bad "omg's"?  "Good.  Those are good omg's.  I love it.  It's my favorite color ever.  Good job Mom."


You know you have some good peeps in your life when they willing pose for silly pictures for you just because you want a silly picture.

FishFace?  Thank you for showcasing Milwaukee's Public Market and your excitement for it:

MFly?  Alex did in fact find it as funny as we thought he would that you were pretending to be eaten by a dinosaur.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


Like I said, it was a quick trip, but we had fun.  Lots of sunshine, friends, and good drinks.  Oh yeah, and In'N'Out.  Sweet sassy molassy that place needs to start coming farther east.

And?  The view from Faction Brewery was pretty sweet:

Nothing like having DELICICOUS burgers (have I mentioned I really like In'N'Out?) and great beers with this background and awesome friends.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Long Weekend

Travis and I took a quick trip to California and the boys got to stay at Gramma and Grandpa Z's and Aunt Nicki's house.

It's really too bad they don't' enjoy spending time at those houses and with each other...

Thursday, May 4, 2017


Who needs a riding mower when you have Kid Propelled?

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Rainy Days

It has been raining so many days in a row.  So.  Many.  Days.  I was so sick of being inside on Sunday, I finally said, "I can't take it.  I don't care if it's raining or not.  I'm going for a walk."  It was raining.  I did get wet.  But I couldn't be inside any longer.

The boys are also a bit squirrely.  It was pouring when we got home yesterday afternoon and both of them wanted to run in the rain...even though it was about 51 degrees.
(Please excuse Sam's excessive camouflage.  He started the day with jeans on, but needed to utilize his spare pair of pants at day care after a bathroom misjudgment.)

After a bit of running around with umbrellas, Alex got the broom out to do his "ridiculous job" of sweeping the water in the gutter to the street drains.  This has always been a self-assigned job and I am not entirely sure what he is accomplishing, but he likes it.  While he did that, Sam continued running around the driveway singing, "It raaaaaainin' on my ballella!  Fa la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Monday, May 1, 2017

Awwww yeah!

Someone had an awesome hair day yesterday...

Saturday, April 29, 2017


 Sam just walked into the kitchen with his underwear pulled partially down so his penis and butt were hanging out saying, "Look at meeeeeeee!"

I calmly asked what he was doing. He just stood there staring at me smiling... and then he farted and ran away.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Play Set Modification

The grass under the picnic table portion of the play set is completely dead, so Travis finally agreed to let me turn it into a sandbox.  The boys LOVE it.  In Alex's words after I said I was happy he liked it, "I don't like it, Mom.  I LOVE it!"

We filled it up on Sunday and they, accompanied by some neighbors, spent the entire afternoon in it.  At one point, Sam said he was done, took two steps toward the house, stopped, looked at Travis, and just turned around and got back in.  Yesterday it was the first thing both boys did when they got home and they were out there until dinner.

Pretty sure close to every HotWheel and other assorted tractors we own are in that sandbox.  Some are buried...
I just need to keep reminding myself how happy it makes me to have them out there playing while I am sweeping up the never ending supply of sand on my kitchen floor.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Spa Morning

Hey all you childless households!  Did you get to start your day giving a stretchy plastic frog a bath?  I bet not and I bet you are beyond jealous.  Just sayin'...

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Risk Taker

The Easter Bunny brought some window crayons for Sam.  According to the package, they work well on any glass surface.  That Easter Bunny is either an insane risk taker or entirely over-trusting of an almost 3 year old's ability to resist coloring on EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.


There are plenty of days I am quite certain one of us isn't going to make it out alive if we have to spend one more millisecond together.  But it is literally hard to breath when I think about how much I love this kid.