Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Smelly Boys

Alex took his nap with very little resistance today for the first time in a while.  At day care he takes a nap no home, it's a fight.  But not today, which was nice.  I caught a little snooze while snuggling him too, even nicer.

He woke up, asked if it was time to get up and said he didn't need me to come get him.  He came out in the kitchen, peeled off his soggy UnderJams, climbed up on my lap, and promptly farted on me.  Sounds about right.


You know what's super fun?  Finishing up end of year taxes for the company you work for while your 3 year old terrorized the office with the stapler and the hole punch.  Gotta love snow days.

Although it did make my short week in the office even shorter.  Just gotta make sure the runways are cleared off by 6am so my California bound plane can take off.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Supportive, loving mother

Alex's cough is sloooooowly but surely getting better.  He doesn't cough as often and it's not usually quite as vomit-inducing as last week.  However, he has picked up this nifty little habit of exaggerating the cough.  And then he tells me he has to puke, we run to the garbage can or toilet, he bends over, lets out a tiny fake throat clearing cough and announces he's done puking.  Or in the midst of exaggerating, which by the way also now incorporates a fake sneeze, he irritates his throat/lungs enough that he makes himself cough for real.  I'm choosing to believe he is working on his future movie star career in which he is going and make gobs of money and take care of me forever.  I can just see his name in lights...The Hacker; starring Alex T. Julius as Main Hacker.

Anywho, last night we finished up reading books and two seconds after I turned off the light, he coughed and immediately told me he was going to puke.  Being the loving mother I am, I asked if he was sure.  Yep.  Gonna puke.  So, again being loving, I sat on his bed instead of helping him, and said the following as he left his room and headed for the garbage can:

Well, ok, but I'm having a hard time believing  you.  Don't let me hear you forcing it and pretending to cough.

And with those words of support, he puked.  A lot.  Like all of the milk he had just consumed.  Out of his mouth and nose, which not surprisingly scares the shit out of him, so there was a brief bit of crying.  With me finally off my fat ass, rubbing his back and telling him I was so sorry for not believing him right away.

So, you know, I'm feeling like a really good mom.  I can see him on a talk show now, "Well, I would thank and support my parents, but my mom never believed me.  Thanks a lot Mom, enjoy your trailer park."

Monday, January 28, 2013

Good Good

This morning was pretty darn good.  And it got even better when we were getting in the car and as I was buckling him in, Alex exclaimed, "Mom!  I'm not mad I'm going to school!"  Startin' the day off right if you ask me.

That's gonna be fun.

I am leaving for a bridesmaids dress shopping excursion in California on Thursday.  I get back at 9AM on Monday due to what I'm sure will be a simply lovely red eye flight.  Monday is the day we have to register Alex for 4K.  And we have to do it as early as possible on Monday because we are trying to get him into a school out of our district.  That is only because he can then take the bus to and from 4K from his day care and then we don't have to completely change our schedules.  When you are applying for a school out of your district, you obviously are only granted a spot if they have room and that room is sucked up on a first come, first serve basis.  Short story long, we gots to get on that early.

While I was stressing myself out about that little bit of fun, I realized something else.  What will be Alex's first day of 4K is the day after we get back from California after the wedding that I am shopping for this weekend.  So, we will be gone for like 5 days at a wedding, we come back and the very next day Alex is starting 4K.  In a school.  A school that we have never been to.  With a bunch of other kids that he doesn't know.  So that's cool.

I know this is shocking, but I am freaking out juuuuust a little bit.  How much I'm freaking out was made clear last night.  I dreamt that Alex's 4K was being held in my old high school.  So it was one 4K classroom and then a bunch of high schoolers.  And Alex was responsible for getting off the bus and finding his classroom in the high school on his own.  And then I went to pick him up only to realize that at 35 years old, I was actually supposed to be attending classes in my high school.  I, of course, didn't have my schedule, or know where my locker was, or know the combination to get into said locker, or know where the office was so I could hopefully obtain all of this info.  Woke up sweating.

Pretty sure today is gonna prove to be a very mentally healthy day.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Sad doggie

Alex loves the dog.  The dog kinda likes him.  But he torments her.  One of his favorite things to do is jump on the couch cushion next to the one the dog is sitting on to make her "look like popcorn."  He is constantly chasing her, climbing on her, sticking his fingers in her face.

Last night, she stopped trying to get away from him and was standing in the kitchen looking at me with the most defeated expression.  Alex seized the opportunity presented by a still dog and began smothering her with his blue dinosaur blanket.  When I asked what he was doing, I was told, "I'm makin' the dog blue."

I can't think of a better metaphor for her feelings about that kid.  A warm and fuzzy but deathly suffocating blanket of love.

Monday, January 21, 2013


And now, a photo montage of an obviously sick child...

Getting on his motorcycle:

Revving it up and looking freakishly like the Home Alone kid:

Aaaaaand he's off!


Working from home once again since my child cannot stop randomly puking every third day while at day care.  He is sitting on my lap playing with my calculator and says, "According to my calculations, something is wrong."  I couldn't agree more little man; stop puking.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Driver's Ed

For a good while now, Alex has understood that you stop at a red light and go at a green light.  The concept that you can turn right on a red light if the opportunity presents itself is one that he cannot wrap his little brain around.  I guess I'll cut him some slack since he's only 3, but seriously.  How many times do I have to explain something before he gets it?

If we take the normal way home, we stop before turning right at the same red light every single day.  And every single day, he scolds me from the back seat for not waiting for it to turn green.  Most days, I try to explain that turning right at a red light is allowed, but then other days, I just agree and say I'm sorry.

Last night was no exception to this little ritual.  The light was red.  I stopped.  Waited for a break in traffic and turned when I could.  The light was still red.  And with that, the lecture from my little backseat driver started.  On and on about how I'm supposed to wait for it to turn green and that I'm supposed to stop at red lights.  And red lights mean stop, only green lights mean you can go.  But then he finished the lesson with something new.  After telling me the rules, he paused and then asked, "Do you want to try again tomorrow?"

After I managed to quell my laughter, I said that yes indeed I would like another shot.  I figured that was the end of it and we moved on to discussing whether we had beaten Travis home or not.  I figured wrong.

This morning we were coming up on a red light and Alex reminded me that I needed to slow down and stop.  You'd think he could feel the truck slowing down as I applied the brake, but apparently he needed verbal confirmation as well.  So I said that I was in fact slowing down.  I waited for the light and upon it turning green, we started back out on our journey.

Not one second after I started driving again with the green light, Alex excitedly pipes up from the back seat, "Good job Mommy!  You waited for the green light!"  Thanks for the encouragement Mario Andretti.

Current Favorites

Just like every kid, Alex grows in and out of phrases.  My two current favorites are:

"1+1 Aprils 2" instead of 1+1 equals 2.

"Dirty camper" instead of dirty clothes hamper.

Just writing them down so I don't forget.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Anyone know who the asshole is that decided styes in your eye need to hurt and itch?  'Cause apparently having a half swollen eyelid isn't quite enough.  Let's make ya ugly with a dash of uncomfortable.

Things that go bump in the night

A while ago, I started the really bad habit of laying down and snuggling with Alex at bed time.  And then he got sick.  And I would sleep with him on his tiny little mattress if he woke up during the night.  Which he did indeed do.  Because, you know, he was sick.

So now, I've created a monster.  A snuggley monster, but a monster nonetheless.  I have to figure out how to break him (and me) of the snuggling at bed time thing.  Most times I fall asleep too and wake up all discombobulated and sore about an hour later.  And since that hour is the only time Travis and I have to hang out by ourselves, I'm bettin' he would appreciate me being awake.

We did finally get a twin mattress to replace his tiny crib mattress.  I'm sure that's totally gonna help me with this habit breaking thing.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


Alex is laying on the couch watching Bubble Guppies, I walked in to check on him and remind him we are taking a nap at the end of this show...

Me:  Remember our deal...After this show is over we are laying down and taking a nap.
Alex:  ~blank stare at the tv~
Me:  Did you hear me?
Alex:  Yes.
Me:  What did I say?
Alex:  After this show is over we are going to watch Umi Zoomi.

Hmmmm...not quite what I remember saying.
Sick kids and working from home do not mix.  That is all.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Smooth Criminal

Everyone was in a great mood this morning.  Alex was extra snuggly, but still 100% on board when we had to leave.  We were on time getting out of the house and traffic was virtually non-existent.  Happy Friday!

I thought the train was going off the tracks about 47 seconds before we got to day care when Alex told me he felt sick and requested I please hurry so he could get sick at school.  I'm guessing it was the amount of cranberry juice sloshing around in his stomach that just needed a hot minute to digest a little because his juice cup was empty, and he was fine by the time I opened his door.  Onward!

His main teacher is moving to IL in a couple weeks so her replacement is currently training and getting to know the kids.  She is very nice and for some fantastic reason from where it came I do not know, Alex is not pushing every single boundary with her.  The new teacher was there today and Alex excitedly showed her his umbrella.  Tally Ho!

I was all smiles until shit got real.  Alex and his friend came running up to me and Alex asked me to give him his motorcycle that he brought for Show & Share.  Show & Share that was yesterday.  Wanna guess where the motorcycle was?  Yep.  At home resting after a riveting Show & Share.  Enter inconsolable Alex.

With lots of loud crying, he ran over to the jacket/cubby area to really showcase his wailing ability.  I followed while informing him this little tantrum wasn't gonna fly.  It's one thing if he tells me he wants to bring something and I forget.  But I am not a mind reader, nor am I a llama.  I do not know what you might want at any given time and I do not have the packing ability to carry everything with me at all times.  So unless you tell me what you might want to show your friend that was absent for Show & Share, you cannot throw a fit.

I squatted down to talk to him and he buried his head in my shoulder crying.  While I was trying to calm him down his little friend came over and with a very concerned look told me, "He really wants to show me his motorcycle."  Ya think kiddo?  When I turned to talk to his friend, Alex's weight pushed me a bit off balance.  So, to stop the melt down and make Alex laugh, I started exaggeratedly falling over and jokingly telling Alex to stop or I was going to fall.  Being the ruffian he is, he started giggling and just pushed harder while exclaiming he was going to knock me over.  His friend thought this whole thing was hilarious so he joined in.  I proclaimed all little boys that knock me over get tickled, and we ended up a big pile of laughing on the floor. The boys let me up and ran off to play and I started walking to the door.

On my way to the door, I passed the new teacher.  She just looked at me and said, "That was pret-ty smooth."

If you're looking for me, I'll just be over here feelin' like SuperMom.  You'll know it's me by the cape.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Yeah baby!

This morning, was another morning that Alex didn't want to leave the house.  This is becoming a fairly regular occurrence.  He doesn't wanna go to school!  So, I try to give him little time warnings so he isn't blindsided at departure time.

This morning, I told him I was going to take some stuff out to the truck and I asked him to turn off the tv while I was out there.  I didn't get a response, so my hopes were about as high as a Basset Hound's jowls.  And just like every other thing stinkin' time I'm positive of what is going to happen, this kid did the exact opposite.

I came back in the house to a beaming, jacket wearing, tv turn-offing Alex.  I just about fell over out of shock.  And since actually listening to me is such a giant accomplishment, I lavished him with praise and high fives.  He kept me in my shell shock when he followed me out the door with no reluctance, happily said good morning to the neighbor and climbed up in the truck without any reminders or prodding or yelling or stomping or whining.  And then to top it off, when I handed him his juice after he asked for it using his manners, he said, "Fanks Mom.  You're the best!"

I have no idea what caused this hiccup in the 3 Year Olds Have to be Assholes at All Times universe, but I didn't question it.  I just sat back and enjoyed our fit-free ride to school.  And, he was being so cute and sweet to me this morning, I just might forgive him for his new habit of constantly telling me that Daddy does everything better than I do.


Just in case anyone was wondering who the cutest child on the planet is, I figured I would share this photo...although I'm not sure it really showcases how blue his eyes are.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


...on the list of Things You Shockingly Have to Say to a Toddler:

"Hey!  HEY!!!  Get your finger out of your butt!!"

It's no wonder he's got pink eye.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Going up!

When we were at urgent care on Saturday getting a prescription for eye drops, the nurse weighed Alex.  43 pounds.  This kid is huge.  He was 40lbs in July for his 3 year appointment.  But, at his check up's they make him strip down to get an accurate weight.  At urgent care, they just need a close number for dosage reasons, so they let him keep his shoes and clothes on.  If I subtract pounds from my weight when dressed, I ought to do the same for him.  So I figure he is up about 2lbs since the summer.

Here's the thing though...I measured his height when we got home.  He has grown 1&1/2" since November 3rd.  1&1/2" in TWO months.  At this rate, we're going to be housing Andre The Giant in no time.


What's a good follow up to Mom being sick all day Friday?  Pink eye!  Once he wasn't contagious, we took advantage of some fee passes to the Children's Museum and had a fun morning with Molly and Hazel.  After the museum, we went to lunch and let Hazel and Alex have their own to the window overlooking State Street.  They waved at pretty much ever person that walked by like it was their job.  One really nice woman waiting for the bus even waved once she took her seat on the bus.

After lunch, we stopped to get ice cream.  Not sure, but I think they were enjoying themselves...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I just got a message from Alex's teacher letting me know he told her he wishes he had a baby at his house.  He has been saying this quite a bit lately.  Based on his lack of sharing skills yesterday when there were two babies in our house, he has no idea what he wants.  Good talk.

More Bathroom Adventures

The other evening, Alex announced he had to pee while stripping down in the living room before bolting to the bathroom.  Only problem there was that Travis was already in there.  Being it is our only bathroom and he is 3, Alex busted in any way.

About 27 seconds later, Travis came into the living room beaming and let it be known:

"I just played swords with my son for the first time."

Pee swords.  This is my life.