Monday, February 28, 2011

Boogers & Poo...Just over here lovin' life.

Alex has a runny nose that has been coming and going for about week. Yesterday, it was barely there at all. This morning it was back. Nothing super bad, but there nonetheless. Either way, I have been trying to be diligent about wiping his nose. Apparently I missed some this morning...

As I was putting one of the three blankets he brought to daycare in his little cubby this morning, I felt a wet spot on the blanket. Weird since I carried his blankets in from the car in an attempt to not have them drag across the parking lot. So I look at the offending spot and find a giant boogery mess smeared on his blanket. Which in turn was smeared on my hand. And I had very little reaction. I muttered an "eh," wiped my hand off on a dry part of the blanket, balled it up and tossed on the floor of the truck to be dealt with later. It all unfolded in a manner of, what's the big deal about another human's bodily secretions smeared on your hand? He has broken me.

Saturday was another example of how desensitized I have become to grossness in all forms regarding children. Except for teeth. I will never get over dealing with any issue with teeth. Anyway, Saturday morning...I woke up to a little whimpering coming through the monitor and went downstairs to collect my beast from his lair. I sleepily told him he was stinky, grabbed a diaper and the wipes and headed to the living room to change him in front of the tv in hopes that he would lay still and not start the Cirque de Soliel act he has been working on.

Stinky was an understatement. Full on diaper blow-out. Down one leg. Up his back. Down an ARM. Everywhere I went to grab was covered in poo. The fact that it made it to his arm actually impressed me. As I was doing my best to clean him up, I asked him if he wanted to take a bath. I figured I would have to clean up the trail of poo he would leave while running to the tub. That kid loves taking a bath. But not this time. Oh no, not the time he needs it the most. I asked and he looked at me with this super sad, kinda worried look and replied, "nooooo." Seriously kid? You ask to take a bath like 17 times a day, but while you are covered in poo and need it most you don't want to. Of course you don't. So I stood him up, used about 23 wipes to clean him off and sent him on his way. Judge me if you'd like, but I was not about to wrestle a poo covered kid at 7 in the morning. Broken.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Full circle

My little rant about Rhianna reminded me of a time when I was kid and we were all in our family station wagon. Dad driving, Mom in the front and the three of us across the sofa sized back seat. And there we sat singing every single word to Ton Loc's "Wild Thing." I cannot even imagine what was going through my parents' heads hearing their three daughters singing "Took her to the limousine still parked outside...I tipped the chauffeur when it was over and I gave her my own ride" in perfect unison. That station wagon is lucky it still had a radio after that little serenade.

I guess my point is every generation has their own Rhianna song and every generation of parents deal with it. We all move on...we're just now moving on while a little more informed about Rhianna's relationship with whips.

And get off my lawn!

Give me the keys to a minivan and fit me for my mom jeans. I have reached the point of adulthood that I am disgusted with music on the radio. And not because I think it is bad music...that is in the ear of the beholder. I am currently having an issue with some of the lyrics that have found their way to the radio.

I just heard Rhianna's new song, "S&M." I am not really sure why one would need to sing about their bedroom activity preferences, but if that's the song that just cannot be contained, knock yourself out I guess. But are the lyrics "sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me" really something people need to hear?

I realize it is my prerogative to listen to or not listen to this or any other song. The thing that kills me is that there are going to be a zillion little 8 year olds running around singing about stuff that little 8 year olds shouldn't be singing about. They should be singing about hopscotch and jump rope and butterflies, not ball gags and handcuffs! But, it's been said a million times before...Sex sells. Oh yeah, and all the free speech stuff too.

Whatever, if you need me I will be in my mini-van driving the kids to soccer practice and listening to Kenny G.

Name change

When Alex is upset, as long as I am not the cause of the shitstorm, his crying includes a fairly constant stream of "Mamamamamaaaaaa!" If he is mad at me for something, anything, and everything, he usually just screams. Loudly. And at the highest, angriest pitch his little vocal chords can attain. But when that doesn't get the desired response from me, "Dahddy! Dahddy! Dahddy!" quickly becomes his mantra. Pssst, Alex...We're hip to your little scam there buddy. Good try though.

All of a sudden upset time is the only time he calls me Mama. Now, more often than not, it is Mom. But with a tone clearly indicating he wants my attention. Mom! He is 19 months old and I have already become Mom. No Mommy. Don't even think about Mama anymore. Just Mom.

However this weekend a totally different version of "Mom" came out of his mouth. It was more of a Maaa-ahm. And the tone that went with it? He sounded like he was a 15 year old girl standing there with her hand on her popped hip, cell phone attached to her ear, smacking on gum and totally embarrassed by what I just said. He is 19 months old. I am screwed.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A work in progress

I was going to write a post yesterday about how Alex's temper tantrums seem to be on a path of decreased frequency. But I ran out of time yesterday. And then I did something really stupid that made me forget that he isn't having nearly as many tantrums.

I let him run around and play for close to an hour after he normally goes to bed. Which started out not being a problem. We read some books, he had some milk and was ready to lay down for the night. At which point my lovely little doggie exploded into a barking fit...because Travis and Brent came home. That dog is going to be the end of me. After Alex sushed Aiden from his room, he wanted to go see what was going on in the kitchen. I said no and that it was time for bed. His back arched, all of his limbs became stiff as concrete, his head spun around 6 times and the screaming began. An HOUR LATER, after angrily screeching and screaming and crying and kicking and throwing, he fell asleep. It has been a super long time since that happened and man alive I did not miss it.

Before Meltdown 2011 happened, I had gotten the quarterly parenting pamphlet in the mail from the hospital where Alex was born. These pamphlets have tidbits of info about what your kid is learning, developmental milestones to expect, and helpful tips for parents. One of its main points this issue was that as a parent, you need to not be so hard on yourself. It said you should give yourself 1 major & 3 minor guilt-free screw ups every day. I am going to count the late bedtime as my major screw up. Still working on the guilt-free part. Alex's red puffy eyes did not help with that this morning.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Some people's kids

I am not a fan of winter. I am really really not a fan of a long of a stretch of time where being outside is miserable and I have a spastic kid to entertain. You can only finger paint so many times. Saturday, Kari and I ventured around town in an effort to satiate the insanity in our children.

We started at the Kids' Expo. Which, aside from a 1 day old cow, was kinda lame. Alex hated all of it except a little bunny and the police dog. He did not want to be put down. Ever. And every time I tried to put him down, his little heels dug deeper into my leg and his death grip on my shirt only increased. So yeah, that was fun. Who doesn't like walking around an expo center with a 30lb weight with legs hanging off their side? We did get this picture of Alex though. I think it really shows how excited he was to be there.

After my clinging little monkey took a nap, the four of us headed to Madtown Twisters for open gym. Now that's what I'm talkin' about! The amount of running, squawking, jumping, bouncing and laughing those two boys engaged in was enough to wear anybody out. Well, anybody other than those two boys. I swear they are like rocket fuel for each other.

While we were there, I was reacquainted with an issue that has been lurking in the shadows since the summer. Other people's kids. Or maybe it's just other people. And their parenting. Or lack there of. And what rotten little brats their lack of parenting produces. There were two kids at the gym that just plain ol' sucked. They were mean, didn't take turns and just misused the equipment in general. They were the kind of kids that you can just see it in their eyes that they're not gonna play nice. And, I know this will be a shocker, in the time we were there neither Kari nor I could figure out what adult either of these kids belonged to. So when these two little jerks were throwing foam blocks at us and our kids, we took it upon ourselves to tell them to stop. I, of course went with the totally appropriate approach of, "Seriously? You're going to just keep throwing those, huh? Nice." And when the one kid wouldn't get out of the way so other kids could run down the trampoline into the foam pit, "Or you could just stand right there in the way" came out of my mouth...Because every kid responds well to sarcasm.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Awww Thanks!

I must not be the only one hating on Mickey! Jungle Junction is back baby! And yes, it is killing me that I am this excited to have a show about animals that have wheels instead of feet back in my morning routine.

Down with the Mouse!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Every once in a while something comes up that just makes me stop and say, "Wow. Really? Have humans devolved to this?" Today is one of those times.

I went to Target over my lunch to buy a new toothbrush as my darling son thought it was downright hilarious to throw mine in the toilet. I almost attempted to wash it in really really hot water and still use it, but quickly I came to my senses and opted to spend the $2 on a new toothbrush. After finding my new toothbrush, I searched through every check-out lane for a peanut butter Twix, but was thwarted so I settled for a Kit Kat Dark. Made my purchases, headed back to the office, ate lunch and prepared to slowly devour my delicious Kit Kat. And it was at this precise moment I lost all faith in humanity.

The following was printed on the back wrapper:

Lift Flap and Tear at End

Are you kidding me? People need instructions on how to open a Kit Kat?! Here's my new theory...If you are not smart enough to figure out how to get past the thin plastic wrapper holding your Kit Kat, you are not allowed to have a Kit Kat.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Side? Side? Side?

This child's love of outside knows no competition. Well, maybe his blankets...scratch that. Outside wins. He will drop those blankets in a heartbeat if it means he can go outside. I am happy he wants to be outside, but I really wish his obsession with it could've waited a couple months.

It is warmer this week, but that is only an advantage for me or whatever adult is outside with him. Alex could care less about the temperature. This was proven about three months ago when he was hysterical that he wasn't outside with Travis while Trav put the Christmas lights on the house. So I bundled us up and outside we went. And when he was so cold his cheeks were bright red, his eyes were watering and his nose was running, I took him inside. Under complete and total the form of lurching and arching and screaming and flailing. That would be the thanks I get for not letting him freeze into a toddler Popsicle!

So it is better now that it isn't so cold. But man that kid is persistent. From the moment he wakes up until it is bedtime, he is requesting to go outside. Which is pretty cute if you can get past the frustrating repetitiveness of it. He gets his eyes as big as he can and just keeps repeating, "side?side?side?side?" And then, 9 times out of 10 we get to crush his hopes and dreams and tell him that no, no we are not going outside right now. Fun!

Last night when we got home it was nice out so we stayed outside. He spent some time shoveling the snow out of the drifts and back onto the sidewalk and then we went for a little walk. And that is when he did something I didn't realize I have been waiting for. He sought out every single puddle and stomped in them as hard as he could. And it was awesome.

Monday, February 14, 2011


I have never been a fan of Mickey Mouse. He kinda creeps me out and his laugh is enough to make me voluntarily check in at the nearest mental health facility. I can almost get behind the old old Mickey Mouse cartoons, but I always find myself wondering why that stupid mouse is the main character.

Previously in life, my dislike hasn't been an issue. Until this morning. As of today, February 14th, Playhouse Disney is now Disney Junior. New shows, different extras, blah, blah, blah. My issue, however, is with the change in program scheduling. I think Disney found out I was talking smack about their main man Mickey and are in turn messing with me.

We have been limiting Alex's tv watching time to only in the morning...or if the Packers or any Badgers team is playing. I'm all for him not staring like a zombie into the tv, but come on. Call me selfish, but there are just some things I am not willing to give up. Badger football and basketball are two of those things. But I digress.

For what seems like forever, the morning tv schedule has been the following:

Dance-A-Lot Robot
Little Einsteins
Jungle Junction

Dance-A-Lot is kinda weird, but really short. Little Einsteins has classical music and art. Jungle Junction is not only cute with good moral-type lessons, but its theme song has two great things going for it. One, it isn't as catchy as chicken pox. Two, its song helps erase the brain stinging catchiness of Little Einsteins' theme song. Gotta admit, I could care less if those little brainiacs are going on a trip in their favorite rocket ship, zooming through the sky, Little Einsteins!

But now? Now, Jungle Junction isn't on after Little Einsteins. Now its Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. So now, while I am walking around singing about Leo, June, Quincy and Annie zooming all over the planet in their rocket ship accomplishing whatever weird-ass mission they have today, I have that damn mouse laughing at me.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Yay me.

I would really really like it if I could make it through one, just one 24hr period without making an ass of myself. But no. That's apparently not gonna happen.

Yesterday, I worked my normal day, got a surprise visit from my brother-in-law, locked up the office and went to get Alex. Daycare is pretty much not in the realm of "on the way" between my office and home. But we love them, they love Alex, we ain't goin' nowhere!

So, I leave work and trek over to get Alex. I walk in the door and one of the teachers looks at me funny. And not funny-haha. She confusedly says, "Ummmm...your husband was already here...?" Ah yes. That would be because it was Thursday. And Travis picks Alex up EVERY THURSDAY.

So there I stood, teachers giggling, my embarrassment shining through bright red cheeks while I was doing my best to stifle all the words doing a Mexican Hat Dance in my mind. And just to add insult to injury, Morgan, a sweet little 3 year old, came up and said in her sweet little 3 year old voice, "Alex is gone." Thanks Morgan. That's good lookin' out.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ahh, February

I wasn't going to write anything about how ridiculously, mind-numbingly, booger-freezingly, insanely cold it is outside. We live in Wisconsin. It is February. Cold is gonna happen. But Alex has forced my hand.

It is so freaking cold. The thermometer on my truck read -15deg this morning. The snow makes that awful cold crunching/squeaking sound when you walk on it. And it literally hurts to breathe. I stopped at Target yesterday and could not force myself to just walk from my car to the store. My body was involuntarily running. But I was trying to walk, because who the hell runs to Target? The running-walking combination resulted in a weird penguin-like foot shuffling thing. It's amazing I can go anywhere without being stopped by someone telling me how attractive and classy I am.

Anywho, every morning when we get up, Alex comes with me to let Aiden outside. And usually he wants to go outside too. So to avoid a tantrum, I really ham it up about how cold it is and that we should get back inside fast because it's so cold. Brrr! Brrr! Brrr! He usually gives a half-assed, through the nuk, "brrr." in response, but I think he is catching on to my getting him back inside gimmick.

On our way this morning, the truck was taking its sweet time warming up. And while we were waiting at a stop light, I hear from the back seat, "Mama!!.....Brrrrrrrrr!" You're damn right kiddo. Baby it's cold outside.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'll be back Jillian

It took about a month, but I have re-reached the 25lb mark...AND BEYOND! 27lbs!

My relationship with Jillian has been on a small hiatus due to some naughty dysplastic cells in a little freckle/mole situation on my back. On my lower right back. Exactly a pressure point for reverse crunches, pike crunches, leg lift crunches, and a bad stretching point for walk-out push-ups. So I have had to limit some bending and contorting Jillian requires. BUT...I have been more diligent about the amount of food I cram in my mouth hole every time I sit down to eat and low and behold, I think it might be helping. I have once again remembered that I can be satisfied without being able to actually feel my stomach stretching from overeating. Weird.

About the funky skin cells. I had/have some sort of beautiful, self-confidence boosting eczema thing going on on my face which prompted a visit to the doctor. While I was there I had her do an all over skin check figuring nothing exciting was happening, but may as well while I was there. There were three spots that concerned her, so off to the dermatologist I went. They took "punches" of the trouble spots to send to biopsy, and one came back not normal. So, the dermatologist went ahead and removed margins from around the not normal spot. Now, this freckle/mole was about the size of a pea. And a small pea at that. Apparently she wanted a lot of margins because I now have a 1&1/4" incision on my back. But I will take the scar happily since the second biopsy came back all good.

It was very strange waiting for the results to come back. I haven't had to get results like that before. It's amazing what scenarios an imagination can come up with in a week's time while waiting for a letter from the doctor.

Anywho, all's well and I am 108 sticks of butter lighter than I was 9 months ago!

Monday, February 7, 2011

In Awe

On Saturday, as I was picking up the magnetic alphabet strewn about my kitchen floor, I started playing my own little solo game of Bananagrams. It was a bit more challenging as there is only one of each letter in our fancy magnetic alphabet. Not so good for bananagrams, but better for teaching the alphabet I suppose. I wanted to see if I could get all the letters into a crossword. I managed to get all but two. I was left with the Q and the Z. Not too bad, right?

As I finished, Alex came back into the kitchen. I proudly said, "Alex look! Mommy made a crossword!" He looked at it for 2.7 seconds and then wildly whacked at of all the letters until they were knocked off the fridge and onto the floor. Clearly my word skills impress him.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Mind blown

Last night I was trying to come up with a way to get Alex to not go into demon mode when it was time to put on his pajamas. I was failing miserably at making him laugh, so I asked him if we could count his fingers while I put on his diaper and pjs. It was like I had suggested the coolest thing ever. He immediately laid down and put his hand up for me to count. Which was when I realized the fatal flaw in my am I going to get him dressed when I am counting his fingers? But whatever, he was laying still so the counting began. He was watching me count and as I was grabbing his fourth finger, he plain as day said "four." Like he understands that four comes after 3. I was blown away.

Once again I had no idea if this is a normal thing for a 19 month old torpedo of destruction to be able to do, but Travis and I spent the rest of the night beaming with pride about how smart our son is. And since it's like the blind leading the blind when it comes to parenting in our house, I Googled it. It seems that this is about the time most kids start reciting numbers. Excellante.

It constantly amazes me how much this kid knows. Or any kid his age for that matter. I don't know if it's that I don't want him to grow up so fast or if it's just that I am clueless, but I just do not expect these kinds of things. You should see how happy I get when he puts the blue rectangle in the blue rectangle spot on his puzzle. You would think he solved a quadratic equation based on the amount of excitement and praise that produces.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


The snow storm on Tuesday night resulted in Alex's daycare being closed Wednesday so I worked from home. Luckily it wasn't very busy for me. Working with a 1&1/2 year old spinning his way through the kitchen like a drunken top is not easily done. At one point I was on the phone and Alex found something that delighted him so he started excitedly squawking...and the guy on the phone asked me if I was at a kennel. I got to reply with, "Nope! That would be my son." It was a proud moment.

For being inside the house all day with just my mug lookin' at him, he had a great day. Very few tantrums, no biting, and the dog only got sat on once. It was like some kind of record breaking day! He did think it was really cool to stand in my work bag for some odd reason, but otherwise he mostly left my stuff alone. Apparently HVAC isn't really his thing.

When I got to work this morning there was a mini Batman in my bag. It's moments like that that make the tantrums worth it.