Friday, March 30, 2012

1 Month to go

Ok, seriously, these shin splints are a little out of control.  I realize continuing to run is not going to make things any better, but I am over half way through this training schedule and you are sorely mistaken if you think I am stoppin' now.  Last night's run sucked.  Plain and simple.  I was tired, my allergies were kicking my ass and my shins were already killing me.  What was supposed to be a 4 mile run, ended up a little less than 3.  Whatever.  This was the first time I have shorted a run.  Oh wait.  That's a lie.  But the other time we stopped to talk to friends and meet an adorable little girl so it doesn't count.

Anyway, last night the shins were killing me...even while running which was new.  I iced them twice, once even doing a variation of an ice massage.  Who knew BooBoo Buddies are for adults too?  And then we had a thunderstorm.  A very weak thunderstorm.  Pretty sure there was only one actual clap of thunder.  But of course my wonderful mutt made sure I was awake for it.  I finally couldn't take it anymore, picked her up and forced her to lay down under the covers.  And while I was trying to comfortably hold her so she wouldn't get up to pace some more, she stretched out her legs and kicked me in both shins.  Awesome.

Tub Pooper

We made it through the first 2 & 3/4 years without pooping in the tub.  And now it starts?  What the hell?  We're goin' about 50/50 on baths with and without poop the past week.  There has only been once that I caught it in time and managed to get his slippery little butt on a toilet.  Every other time I end up fishing turds out of MatchBox car infested water.

I have to admit, the fault lands squarely on my shoulders for the most part.  Last night was a perfect example.  He stopped zooming cars around and got that I'm Gonna Poop face.  I brilliantly ask him if he does in fact have to poop.  Dumb dumb dummy Mama.  Knowing he would have to get out of the bath to poop, he shockingly assured me that no, he did not have any poops.  And here's where my impressive level of intelligence comes into play.  I not only believed him that time, but I also believed him twice more when I asked.  Ya wanna know what happens when you believe a toddler when they tell you about their bodily functions?  You got it.  Turd fishing.  That's what happens.

Then, he has the audacity to ask me why when I say he has to get out of the tub.  Well, honey, for starters your splashing around is making it harder for me to catch your poop.  That you pooped out.  In the tub.  Not mention my second reason, I am not a huge fan of you bathing in poop water.  Kinda defeats the purpose of the soap.  But if that's how you wanna roll, we can just use the toilet instead of the tub.  Make sure you scrub under the lid while you're in there.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Mile Marker 88

I have completed 88 of the 195.1 miles of this half-marathon training journey.  AKA:  training that is making me question my ability to make sound life decisions.  But 88 miles in, and so far so good...ish.  My shins hurt like hell.  I am really trying to shorten my stride since that is apparently supposed to help.  Not an easy task.  Hamstring is hanging in there.  Sore and in need of a lot of stretching, but hangin' in there.  

Kari and I ran 10 of those miles on Sunday.  All at once.  And we only stopped to choke down some Gu at the half way point.  Ya did just fine on the flavor Gu company, but the consistency could use a little bit of vast improvement.  It's kinda like squeezing a packet of cold blackberry flavored Neosporin or V05 in your mouth...and then trying to swallow it before you barf.  But I will tell you, it works.  I didn't get a energy burst or anything, but there was a noticeable loosening of my muscles.  Muscles there were getting pretty up in my business about their opinion of said 10 mile run.  I will also tell you, do not put said gel pack in the little zipped pocket on the waistband of your running pants because the storage pouch on your water bottle has your phone stuffed in it.  The waistband of your pants is, you know, against your waist.  Your hot, sweaty, has just run 5 miles in 70 degree sunshine waist.  That gel shit is nasty without being body temp. 

My weight, however, has not changed.  At all.  I can tell some of my fat has morphed into muscle, but that stupid red LED number hasn't moved.  My rings are all loosey goosey and spinning now, so that's fun.  I am really hoping for a jeans size change before the end of this.  We shall see.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Screw mornings.

I had to drive to daycare this morning all contorted so I could hold Alex's hand.  It was the only way he would stop sobbing that he wanted me to hold him.  This was after he immediately started crying "I don't wanna go to schooooooool" when I said we had to leave.  I just kept telling him I was sorry and I didn't want to go either.  Didn't help.  And then he cried and screamed as I was leaving daycare.  Ya think the change of teacher is affecting him?

He likes the teacher he has now.  She used to be his teacher and he has always really liked her.  But she runs the room differently than his last teacher and apparently it is taking him some extra time to adjust.  The part that kills me is every day when I pick him up, he comes running up and says, "I had GOOD day!"  And when we leave he always says good-bye to his teacher and throws in a cheery, "See you 'morrow!"  That part is slightly least he isn't miserable all day long.  But man mornings are really hard.

If you ever want your heart broken into a zillion pieces, force yourself to leave someone you love more than anything else you have ever encountered in your life to go work where you don't really want to be any way, while that someone is sobbing and reaching for you.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Sounds about right

I am a shining beacon of good parenting and role model behavior.

We were at my parents' yesterday.  All of us, except Alex and Travis, were sitting at the dining room table.  Alex came in from the living room to tell us we had to be quiet because Travis was "sleeping."  My dad waited until Alex was juuuuust about back in the living room and then let out a very loud snort.

Alex came back in, looked at him, and said "Dammit Grandpa!  He waked up!"  Complete with a fist pump.

Not only could I in no way, shape or form claim that was not learned from me, I was also so stunned and then laughing so hard, I did nothing by way of reprimand.  Until a couple minutes later, after I had stopped crying from laughing and told Alex that was not nice to say and he needed to apologize to Grandpa.  'Cause that'll learn him.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


Alex's current favorite, read 14 times before I will contemplate laying down book is Oh My! Oh My! Oh Dinosaurs! by Sandra Boyton.  It's a cute book and teaches opposites.  Awesomesauce all around.  One of the pages has a picture of about a dozen cartoon dinosaurs "crammed in an elevator."  As previously mentioned, Alex is really into reading along.  Every time we get to this page he says, "Dinosaurs crammed in a alligator."  Each and every time.  I love it and I never want to teach him the word elevator.

Heebie Jeebies

Yesterday's afternoon pick-up included a quiet conversation with Alex's teacher informing me they encountered multiple ticks on the playground that afternoon.  Ick.  Gross.  Nast.  Anywho, she did a quick check of the kids when they came in, but just wanted to let me know to maybe check him a little more thoroughly.  I, of course, forgot.

We were outside playing/ripping out my daffodils because why could I ever have anything pretty, and I put my hand on the back of his head...and felt a weird bump.  The earlier conversation came flooding back into my brain as I pushed his hair aside only to see a gross nasty little fat gross tick stuck in my baby's head.  Bug head stuck in, gross little legs all squirmy.  Yeah..I kinda freaked a little.

I did my best to hide my inner dialogue of "YUUUUUUUUCK!" and told him we needed to go inside and get Daddy's help.  Travis was on the phone, most likely with someone work related, and I busted into the kitchen holding Alex football style and calm-loudly said, "Daddy, we have a T-I-C-K."  His reaction was not immediate gagging so clearly he did not grasp what I was saying.  So I just looked at him and said, "Like IN his head."

Apparently dabbing a little rubbing alcohol on the little bastards makes them back right out of MY BABY'S HEAD for easy removal.  I watched the entire process from afar.  While trying not to scratch off my skin and simultaneously barf.  Ticks are so gross.  They burrow.  INTO YOUR BODY.  They are so gross in fact, I am not even going to apologize for my assault on your eyes with blatant overuse of capital letters.  SO.  GROSS.

Anyway, a rubbing alcohol soaked Q-Tip and an Aim 'n Flame later, we were rid of the tick.  Don't ask me about the whole burning the tick.  That was all Trav.  No clue.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Saturday Sunshine

Alex and I hung out with Kari and Trevor on Saturday.  Zoo, Culver's, park, corned beef and cabbage.  Kari was really trying hard to get pictures of the boys...Alex all but refused to pose for her.  He wouldn't even look at her if she was trying to take a picture.
Trevor was a bit more willing...
She did get Alex to at least look at her for one...doesn't he look thrilled?


I have been eating Multi-Grain Cheerios for breakfast at my desk pretty much every morning for about a month.  If you have yet to try this version Cheerios, I highly recommend you do so.  They are really good.

Since I do not digest milk well, I eat the cereal dry...with my fingers.  And I am not very good at getting food into my mouth.  So I end up dropping about a half dozen Cheerios in my lap/on my chair/on the floor pretty much every morning.  More than once I have gone to the bathroom only to find a couple Cheerios stuck to my pants.  And lately, I have been finding rogue O's on the floor trailing away from my desk.

Don't you wish I worked for you?

Picky picky

With the warm nights, my pajama top of choice has changed.  Usually some sort of tshirt is my standard go to, most often an extra beer promo shirt.  But when it gets warmer, I opt for a tank top.

This morning, I got Alex when he woke up and snuggled up on the couch for a little bit.  He looked up at me and told me he wanted me to get dressed.  When I asked why, he waved his hand in the general area of the tank top straps and said, "I don't like...this."

Between the hand wave and the look on his face, he was really saying, "Guuuurrrrrllllll....what are you wearing?"  This from the kid that has been rockin' the no socks with Chucks and inside-out sweatshirt look all week.  We are high fashion at the Julius house.

Through the Looking Glass

Alex and the little girl that lives next door adore each other.  They play together at least 4 evenings a week and usually once a weekend.  They get so excited when they see each other too.  It's awesome.  Last night, Alex and I were outside and the only thing capable of prying his attention away from trying to squish flies on the garbage can was Harper.  He saw her and immediately lit up like a roman candle, yelled "It's Harper!" and ran out of the gate.  She responded just as excitedly and exclaimed "I here!"  And the playing commenced.  Super duper cute.  Her dad and I hung out with them and chatted about our crazy neighbors while Trav was in and out of the house getting dinner and the grill ready.  Another neighbor stopped by for a bit, and after a while we all resigned to our respective houses.

We ate dinner as a family last night which doesn't happen very often.  We try, but Alex usually has other plans and with all this freaking running I am doing, our evening schedules get a little tricky.  But last night was a success.  All three of us stayed seated at the table for the whole dinner.  And when he was done, Alex climbed up in my lap and sat and ate some Cuties while Travis and I recapped our days.

Last night I felt more like my parents than I think I have ever before.  The whole night felt so much like summer nights when I was a kid, but this time I was seeing it from their point of view.  Or maybe it was that I felt like a grown-up and I am hoping desperately that I am kinda sorta resembling my parents.  Either way, it was good.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Can you hear me now?

Alex's listening skills are a bit....lacking lately.  Last night was a stellar performance in just straight up ignoring us.  He started with not getting out of the refrigerator when asked.  Continued on by looking at me when I told him not to ride his bike around the corner, only to then ride his bike around the corner while laughing hysterically.  Then it was time for a bath.  He thinks it is terribly funny to lay on his belly and slurp up bath water.  I happen to think that is disgusting.  And we know from experience he will continue to drink his bath water until he barfs.

Normally my threats of removing him from the bath if he drinks the water are enough to stop him dead in his tracks.  The past couple of baths, when I tell him not to drink the bath water, he is very quick to tell me it's not bath water, it's coffee.  Oh, ok then, go ahead, drink up little man.

Last night he took a big ol' mouth full and I looked him in the eye and told him if he drank his bath water again, he had to get out the tub.  He took another big gulp and before I could say anything, he looked up and said, "MooooOoooOOOOooom...I just drinked it."  All sing-songy and sassy.  I immediately opened the drain and pulled his sassy slippery little ass out of that tub.  And the crying started.  And then there was begging.  And then a super sad, tear streaked face telling me I made him cry.  Sure did dude.

The thing that kills me is that he knows I am gonna follow through on whatever consequence I give him.  He has experienced it.  But then he still chooses to intentionally be a shit.  When does cause and effect sink in?  Hopefully soon.
Remember that post from yesterday?  The one where I talked about how my darling boy is all sunshine and rainbow farts in the morning now?  Yeah, that one.  What the hell was I thinking putting that in writing?  Of course he read it and just had to prove me wrong.

This morning was horrible.  Complete with an army crawling meltdown as I left.  Yay.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Times have changed

One of the things that has changed since the move to the big kid room is Alex's reaction to me leaving in the morning.  In the past, if he saw me leaving, all hell broke loose.  Now, he gives me a hug and kiss, yells Bye Mom!, and runs off to play.  It is so much nicer than the days of leg-clinging meltdowns.

Today, he was already busy playing and flashbacks of horrible Mom's Leaving fits were whirling around in my head, so I decided to leave undetected.  But I was detected.  I didn't know it until I was getting in my car and I heard his teacher call my name.  I looked over at the door and she said, "He wants to say good-bye."  And Alex came running down the sidewalk, gave me a huge hug and said, "Bye Mom!  Have good day!" and ran back inside.  Day:  made.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Ya wanna know what the big kids' room smells like on a nice sunny day in the afternoon after they have been outside playing?  High school football locker room after the last game of a very long season.  Yeah, like that.

So Weird.

This kid is strange.

The last three days have been beyond beautiful outside.  Wednesday I sent him to daycare wearing a fleece hoodie figuring he would only need it if they went outside in the morning.  When I got there to pick him up, they were playing outside, in 80 degree sunshine, and there he was, wearing his fleece hoodie.  He was sweating and his face was flushed.  I asked his teacher about it and she said he straight up refused to take it off...all day.

Then yesterday, it was slightly cooler in the morning so I sent him wearing the liner of his winter coat.  He took it off and hung it up when we got there, but refused to go outside without it.  Finally his teacher was able to pry if off of him after about 15 minutes of sweaty play.  This morning?  I left as his hands were jammed in the pocket of his fleece hoodie so I couldn't take it off.

And this is the conversation every single time you ask him to take his sweatshirt off:
Me:  Alex, let's take your sweatshirt off.
Alex:  How '
Me:  But honey, aren't you hot?
Alex:  Yes.
Me:  Ok, then let's take your sweatshirt off.
Alex:  Noooo, I just a little bit cold right now.

And this is the same kid that abhors getting dressed.  I do not understand.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Food and I are fighting today.  Well, food and my ability to get it in my mouth are fighting if we are accurate.  Went to the bathroom earlier and luckily noticed the Cheerio stuck to the back of my upper thigh.  And just now I dropped a blob of mashed potatoes on the front of my upper thigh.  Killin' it over here.

Dear Alex,, you nailed it.

Sounds about right

Anxiety is a fickle little bitch.  I will go days, weeks, months without feeling anxious and all crunchy inside, and then one decision sends me off the diving board into the deep end of the crazy pool.

I have been planning on doing this half marathon for months.  I have been training for 3&1/2 weeks.  I am doing this.  Good good.

Then Mariah goes and finds good tickets for our flight.  And buys them.  And now I am really doing this.  Aaaaand now I am anxious.  Can I seriously run 13.1 miles?  Are my shins gonna stop being jerks and feel good enough to do this?  Is this a financially responsible decision?  Is it fair for me to leave Travis alone with the beast for 4 days not too long after leaving him alone with the beast for 4 days?

We're just gonna let this one spin around in my brains for a bit.  I'm pretty sure once the crazy thoughts get dizzy, they will settle on a You Can Do This attitude.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Not one cavity!  HA!  I haven't been to the dentist in 9 years and am clearly capable of caring for my teeth without having someone scrape and measure and polish my teeth.  And the cleaner lady told me that my teeth are very healthy and clean...especially given the amount of time that has elapsed since my last professional cleaning.

See kids?  You don't need to be afraid of the dentist, you just don't have to go!

Pearly Whites

You guys I have to go to the dentist.  I will be sitting in that horrible chair within the next 45 minutes.  I hate the dentist so much.  Anything concerning teeth makes me get the nails on a chalkboard feeling.  Oh, and the rubber glove clad hands in my mouth?  Gross.  Ick.  Nast.  And then they bring out that scrapy tool.  And then I want to vomit.

Yep, now I want to vomit.

Monday, March 12, 2012

30% done

I ran 6 miles yesterday.  Let me repeat that in case you missed it.  I ran 6 miles yesterday.  All at one time.  I didn't have to walk at all.  I just ran.  For 6 miles.  It took me juuuuust under an hour.  An entire hour.  Of running.

This marks the longest distance I have run in my life by a whole mile.  If you had told me three weeks ago that I would be able to run 6 miles and not die there is no chance I would have believed you.  But the fact that I did it, and maybe could have kept going, gives me a glimmer of hope that this race won't kill me.

Based on her performance yesterday, that was the last long run on which Aiden will be accompanying me.  By the last 1/2 mile she was a full step behind me.  Normally she is pulling me down the street for the entire run.  Ha!  I win dog!

Monday Mornings

I heard Alex rustling around in his bed this morning and it was about time for him to wake up any way, so I went in to grab his clothes and get him going.  He looked up, gave a solid full body stretch and said, "Mama...I still tired.  I take another nap now."

I heard that kiddo.

Thursday, March 8, 2012


The best response I have heard when commenting that Alex is not boring:

"Well, no kidding.  That kid is a tornado of awesome."

I am at a loss for a more complete description.

Another adventure in poo

Soooo, we did the whole sitting on the potty before bed last night.  Well, Travis did it.  And while he didn't actually pee, he also didn't soak through his diaper by the morning.  I am calling it a success.

Travis, however, didn't realize Alex had pooped in his diaper before they went in the bathroom.  So he also didn't realize it would be a really bad idea to take Alex's diaper off and blindly sit Alex on his knee while he got the potty seat in place.  Based on the amount of poo smeared on Trav's jeans, I am pretty sure he is not counting last night's bathroom trip a success.  Eye of the beholder I suppose.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The only good part of waking up waaaay too early in the morning to "Mama, I all wet." is that I get to snuggle with him on the couch until it is time to be awake, and then I get up and he continues to sleep like this...

Somebody needs to feed that kid a sandwhich...damn he's skinny!

Here, there, everywhere

Between my asshole dog and my child, the amount of pee on things that are not supposed to have pee on them in my house is disturbing.  We'll start with the dog...

When we first got her, she had some substantial separation anxiety issues, which she expressed in artful puddles of pee throughout the house.  Due to the fact she had be abandoned not once, but twice before we got her, we felt very bad for her and worked through it with her.  Gee...I wonder why she was abandoned?  Anyway, we got it all figured out and for a very long time, she had very few pee incidents.  This is not to say she won't rip the shit out of some blinds, because damn.  When that dog is not happy about something going on outside, look out mini-blinds.

So there we were with our little dog, one little happy canine/human family.  And then we went and had a kid without consulting her first.  Big mistake.  Huge.  She was not happy about this household change and showed that by peeing on the rug in Alex's room every chance she got.  She would pee on it, I would wash it, I would stupidly put it back the room, she would pee on it.  I can just picture her too..."oh you brought this kid here to live in my house?  Well, this is how much I like that idea." and then she pees all sassy like with her hip popped out to the side and a look of attitude only a teenage girl can give.  So I took the rug out of the room...and she upped the anti.  Now she pees on our bed.  She will go weeks without any pee-bellion, and then 4 times in a week I am stripping my bed and washing my sheets.  I cannot explain how much energy it takes to force myself to understand she is a dog and is holding a really big grudge about not being the only child anymore so that I don't beat this dog.

Let's shift focus shall we?  Oh no, not to worry, pee is still the main theme, we are just moving away from the dog because I can feel the rage building and I need to move on...

As we have touched on previously, Alex usually has milk while we read stories before bed.  After a couple soaked through diapers, I have limited the amount of milk.  Apparently that makes absolutely no difference.  The last two mornings in a row I have woken up to "Mama...I all wet."  Last night, he had maybe a 1/4 cup of milk.  No exaggeration.  And he hadn't had anything to drink for like an hour before that.  Is he hanging on to all liquids just in case his body might possibly need them but then realizing in his sleep that he is liquid-logged and lets it go?  So, starting tonight, I am instituting mandatory bathroom visits immediately before we go to read stories.  Which outta work out swell since potty training is moving along oh so nicely.'s not.  At all.

I swear between these two I am going to insane...not to mention go broke while going insane because, OH MY GOD THE AMOUNT OF LAUNDRY.

Monday, March 5, 2012


We had all five of the kids in our group of friends together on Saturday night.  This was the attempt to get a picture of them together.  As Mariah aptly captioned it, it was like herding cats.

Julia Child...Eat your heart out!

Someone has figured out that it is fun and delicious to help Mama cook...especially when the meal requires scraping the peanut butter jar.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

For the first time in many many years, I can see the outside knobby bone in my wrist...and in most lights, I can see my collar bone.  I am not one bit ashamed of how excited I am about that.

Beat it out of him

We went to dinner at Mariah's fundraiser for Schools of Hope last night.  Tons of really good food and Alex got to play with other kids.  He had a great time, I ate a lot of food, Travis won some silent auction things.  The room we were in was really warm and I, being the awesome parent I am, didn't realize how little water Alex was drinking...not nearly enough.  So he was hot and dehydrated enough that he said he didn't feel good and wouldn't leave because he needed to press his bare belly against a cold metal door separator pole thingy.  On the way home, we assured him he could have some bubble water and that would help.

A small disclaimer:  He went to the bathroom with his friend Hazel, and he found the sinks.  So he wanted to go back to the bathroom.  I said no.  Shortly there after he said he didn't feel good so I asked if he was going to actually get sick and if he needed to go to the bathroom.  You could see the light go off in that kid's head.  So for the remainder of the time we were there, he kept telling me he was sick and had to go to the bathroom.

Anywho, we get home, he has bubble water, seems to be fine, but I am keeping a close eye.  I agreed to a puzzle before bed, and while we were working on it, he looked up at me with panic on his face and started kind of crying and I knew he was about to puke.  So I picked up him and tried to rush to the bathroom in an effort to not get puked on.  And in my hurried effort to open the door and get us in the bathroom before his dinner was all over my shoulder, I smashed the side of his head with the bathroom door.

Silver lining:  He was crying so much about his head that he totally forgot about puking.  Score?

The head injury was nothing Boo Boo Buddy Elmo couldn't fix and Alex assured me this morning that his cranberry juice was helping his tummy feel better.