Wednesday, October 28, 2015


Halloween.  Yuck.  The ONLY thing I like about this ridiculous "holiday" is the roasted pumpkin seeds.  Well, those and the candy.  But I mean, duh.  I don't feel that counts as something you get to say is something you like about Halloween.  Liking the bite size candy is a given.  The rest of it though?  No thank you.

The least offensive part is carving pumpkins.  I don't particularly like it, but I do enjoy seeing Alex's designs.  But then there's the coming up with a costume.  I hate coming up with a costume.  And getting all the pieces of the costume.  And making sure you aren't going to freeze to death.  And either being something completely obvious or having to explain yourself for the entirety of the time you are in said torturous costume.  I despise the entire process.  So when Alex stopped mid-bath with a bolt of shock that he hadn't thought to ask sooner and asked me what I was going to be, I swallowed my groan, put on a smile, and said, "I was thinking about going as a Mom."  Not surprisingly, that didn't fly.  "You can't do that!  You're already a mom!!"  Yeah?  Well, then my costume should be spot on.

And of all that is before you have endure the entire Halloween "season" being constantly on high alert for assholes that think it's funny to scare you.  I don't like being scared.  It isn't fun nor is it funny to me.  And I think it's a big ol' pile of stinky BS that someone gets a free pass on chasing me down a driveway with a chainsaw because it's October 31st.

Anyway, I asked Alex what he wanted to be this year, and without hesitation he once again said he wanted to be Handy Manny.  It's an easy costume and we have all the pieces.  I reminded him he doesn't have to be the same thing every year (because apparently I am too stupid to just take the easy route), but he said Handy Manny was the one.  Until Travis came home with a Batman costume complete with cape.

I will tell you, I put one enthusiastic Batman on the bus this morning.

Monday, October 19, 2015

It's a shame this kid doesn't have an expressive face.

First Pumpkin of the Year

Per the artist; it is a dragon.  The left most carving is its head and neck, the middle is its body (duh), and the right most carving is its tail.  In case you were wondering, this design was drawn free hand.  This was not a stencil.  Hard to believe, I know.

I will say this; he was eager to create the design, and delighted about how it turned out.  It reminded me a lot of his performance at soccer each week.  His enthusiasm and happiness are tremendous.  His skill?  Noooooot so much.  And I am pretty darn proud of him for that.

Thursday, October 15, 2015


Similar features, parallel mannerisms, and identical sense of humor.  What is this list you ask?  I will tell you.  These are all things Alex and I share that are now irrelevant.  I refuse to believe I bore a child that doesn't like broccoli and cheddar stuffed chicken breasts.  And I doubled down on that refusal when he turned up his nose at the cheese sauce I made to go with it.  I repeat, he wouldn't even taste a CHEESE SAUCE.  He is no child of mine.

Friday, October 9, 2015

A Very Giffy Post

I swear I am going to lose my mind.  Alex's current mode of operation is to listen to what I'm saying enough to hear when I am done talking, but that's it.  He doesn't actually listen to the words that I'm saying.

It is craziness.  I say something, he acknowledges, and then he either does nothing to show he processed the words I said, or he immediately starts telling me a completely unrelated fact or story.

This morning, I asked him to grab a tissue for me because his little brother is a never ending snot factory.  He snagged one out of the box and said, "Catch!"  Knowing the aerodynamics of a tissue, I quickly requested he didn't throw it but instead hand it to me.  The whole time I was talking, he was looking right at me and he even said, "Ok."  But then he balled it up and threw it at me.

And this is on the heels of last night's episode when I instructed him to go up to my room and get the garbage bag that he put on my dresser for a reason known only to him.  "Ok Mom!"  He was in my room for .7 seconds and I hear him yell down, "I can't find it!  Where is it?!  OOoooooooohhhh!  Here it is!  Right on your dresser!  Ha!"

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Love it

Alex calls undercover police vehicles "sneak up cars" and I never ever ever ever want him to stop that.

On the way to Target for the zillionth time this week already:
"Mom!  Let's count all the cop cars we see!  But we can't count the sneak up cars because we won't know they are the police.  I think the sneak up cars are the best ones for catching speeders because the speeder doesn't know there is a police officer inside because he's in his sneak up car."

During a different car ride, he asked me if Travis could quit his job and do my job instead so that I could become a police officer.  I asked why he wants me to be a police officer.  "Because then you could have a patrol car and those are really cool and safe."  I am not the least bit shocked he doesn't want me to have a sneak up car.  That boy always wants to know when I'm coming so he can stop/hide/sprint away from whatever naughty thing he is doing.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Great. Awesome. Super excited.

Guess what we're doing in our house again!  If you guessed "cry it out," you win the prize!  The prize is Sam sleeping at your house until he figures out how to stay asleep for an entire night.  Congratulations!!

New Schedule

I asked and recevied permission from my boss to work from home for the last bit of the day.  Why did I ask to do this?  Other than the obvious reason of being more comfortable at home, if I am home by 3:15, Alex can ride the bus home after school instead of going to day care.  I am very excited about this change for a couple reasons...I get to put comfy pants on a couple hours earlier every day, the dog can just go outside on her tie out instead of me walking around with a poop bag in my back pocket, and last but definitely NOT least, we will save about $400 a month.  Let's just repeat that real quick like.  $400 a month.  Don't worry, I'm sure I'll quickly find somewhere for that money to go, but I'm pretty pumped it will be going somewhere other than day care.

Alex is ecstatic.  The victory cry he let out from the backseat when I let him know this whole idea was a go, was nothing short of impressive.  His excitement was obviously a tic in the plus column for this change.  But after seeing his beaming face come through the door and then him bounding to me for a giant hug, that tic is a whole lot bigger than initially anticipated.

Friday, October 2, 2015


Last night while Alex was climbing into the tub, I asked him if he wanted bubbles or color.  He replied he wanted both.  So, bubbles covering neon yellow water it was.  After I got that all situated, I grabbed some trucks and trailers, and tossed them into the tub where they immediately sank below the 6" layer of bubbles and out of sight.  Alex looked up at me, and with a completely deadpan face said, "I now regret my choice of bubbles."

This kid's vocabulary and delivery never cease to crack me up.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Splitting Hairs

Sitting here at my desk, I just pulled a hair out of my chin.  I couldn't tell if it was blonde or gray.  After lots of inspection, I decided it was blonde.  And then I got really sad about how much happier I felt about a CHIN HAIR because it was blonde and not gray or the black stubble-esque consistency these little suckers normally are.

I feel like the amount of time I spend with my tweezers daily has set the satisfaction bar pretty low.