Thursday, August 26, 2010

Guard Dog Extraordinaire

Our house needs new windows. Like almost every window needs to be replaced. Aside from three of them in the living room, they are all the old school windows that have the rope-pulley-weight system to hold the window open...but the ropes are broken on all but one. So the other ones are either held open by humidity or by lodging something under the window frame.

Last night I was counting on humidity to hold one of the kitchen windows open. And it did. Until 2:28AM. At 2:28AM the sticky hold of humidity released its grasp and the window slammed shut, making an incredibly loud, sharp noise. Sweet little Aiden dog mistook the window slamming shut noise for a WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! noise. And the only defense to being under attack? Bark as loudly as possible and refuse to be calmed down for a solid 2&1/2 minutes. And not shockingly, as soon as we got her to stop barking like a maniac, Alex started crying. He could have been crying before that, but due to the noise from the insane crack-head hyena I call a dog, I could only hear him once she shut up. Luckily, he wasn't too upset and went back to sleep quickly. Not so for crack-head hyena dog. No sir. She remained on high alert for the rest of the night. So every time she heard a squirrel fart outside, we were woken up by barking. We have a lot of squirrels, and apparently they had refried beans for dinner.

I am tired.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Who knew sitting still was possible?

If Alex is awake, he is moving. Even when he is falling asleep some part of him is constantly moving. His fat little feet rubbing on my lap or his little sausage fingers playing with his blanket...moving moving moving.

All this movement has forced us to be creative when it comes to cutting his nails. So far, we have just done it when he is asleep. When he was littler, we would put a burp cloth over his face so we could turn on the light and not disturb his slumber...kinda like a poor man's sleep mask. But he won't let that happen anymore. If we try the burp cloth light shield, he immediately pulls it off of his face. He stays asleep, but will not leave the cloth over his face. So we have to use the flashlight function on Travis's phone. Yes, we sit in Alex's dark room, one of us holding him and the phone/flashlight and the other armed with a nail clipper. We are ninja nail cutting parents.

Last night when I was sitting with him before bed he was doing his normal foot gymnastics with his blanket and I realized he had a toe nail that was broken and was snagging the blanket. So I called Travis in with the nail clipper to take care of it. I told him the toenail situation and that it needed to be cut. He looked at me as if I had just told him he needed to solve the economic issues of the world and just said, "You want me to do this while he's awake?" Yes sir.

So he sat on the ottoman and grabbed Alex's incredibly ticklish foot and went in with the clipper. And Alex just sat there watching him. He didn't move at all. Well, except for his mouth. He had a lot of questions about what was going on. But other than all the questions we couldn't understand, he just sat still and let Travis go about cutting his toenails. It was like we were living in the Twilight Zone. But the second Travis was done, Alex commenced his nightly climbing of Mommy and all was right with the world.

Monday, August 23, 2010


Slowly but surely, I am starting to be able to understand what Alex is saying. He now says doggy. It sounds strikingly like ducky, but we don't have any pet ducks so I am going with doggy. This morning was pretty damn cute when we were leaving. He was waving and saying doggy as I was saying goodbye to her. Yes, I say goodbye to the dog. Everyday. She appreciates it.

He has Mama and Dada down very well. Now if I could just figure out what he is saying the other 94% of the time, we would be in business!

Friday, August 20, 2010


Since I have plenty of people around me that have older children, I am quite sure the feeling of not knowing what the hell I am doing is pretty much never ever going away. I wish I could figure out some way to not feel like that...or at least stop doing things that make me question why I am allowed to have a child...but as the grumpy old man said, "You can wish in one hand and crap in the other. See which fills up first." Given the extraordinary amount of time that has been devoted to poo in the last year of my life, I know that answer to that one.

Aaaaanyway, the most recent one isn't that horrid, but not that great either. Alex still has cradle cap. It doesn't stink like rotting Parmesan anymore, which is nice, but it is still there. Luckily he has a ton of thick hair so it is not noticeable unless you are behaving like a monkey and picking at your son's head. Not that I would ever do such a thing. I have been going along with the instructions I got from the doctor that all you can really do is gently scratch it when he is in the bath to get the dead skin to slough off. Which for the most part has been keeping it in check. Not getting rid of it, but not getting any worse.

About two nights ago, I was sitting with Alex right before bedtime and I noticed a spot on his head where his hair wasn't quite as fluffy as the rest. And that's when the "Wow. I am an awesome mom" feeling hit. The reason that one spot isn't so fluffy is because I apparently had neglected that spot and the hair was stuck to his head and getting covered with cradle cap. Like matted fur on a cat. Yeah, I pretty much rule at being a parent.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Sweet Validation

Fitting into old jeans is one of the most exhilarating feelings. It's like shopping, but getting stuff for free. It's old stuff that you have already worn, but it's the good stuff. The stuff you decided to keep. There were plenty of jeans that got donated when my fat ass couldn't be crammed into them any longer. But a select three were allowed to stay and take up room in storage. And I am so happy I didn't kick them out. The hyper-ventilation inducing workouts...So worth it.

If you couldn't tell, I am wearing a new pair of old jeans today. And it is good. I am more tired than a grizzly woken up half way through hibernation, but I am wearing new old jeans. Coffee can fix the tired. I think.

Not sure what the boy's problem was last night, but it was one of those nights that he wasn't gonna sleep unless he was being held. And then he took a solid 45 minutes fidgeting and moving and rearranging before he found a position comfy enough to sleep. Yay. He was oddly giggly this morning though so I guess I can forgive him.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Not fair

I had to wake Alex up this morning so I wouldn't be late to work. There are so many things wrong with that.

1. Never ever EVER wake a sleeping baby. Just don't do it. You won't like the outcome. Sure they may be all cute and cuddly at first, but then they fully wake up, go into a manic state and then crash but are too crabby to go to sleep.
2. He sleeps in the cutest position possible. I am pretty sure a lot of babies sleep this way, but that doesn't make it any less cute. He is face down, with his face to the side for breathing purposes, arms and knees tucked under him, butt so so high in the air. So basically, the fetal position, but face down. So cute. So uncomfortable looking.
3. All I wanted to do was crawl into his crib and sleep with him. Alas I am too large. And I had to go to stupid work.

The one good thing about this whole thing? Daycare had to deal with the fallout of me waking my kid up before he was ready.

Ahhh, The Ballwegs

Are you kidding me with this? If this pictures doesn't ellicit a huge smile and a billion awww's out of you, you have a heart of stone. That's all there is to it.

Erin Moore Photography...FANTASTIC

Shoes? Who needs 'em?

So far I haven't really put shoes on Alex. His feet are so...ball-like, shoes were a near impossibility. But they are starting to flatten out and we currently have 3 pairs (aunts will spoil children) that we can get on his feet. They are all sandals. Two have Velcro straps for adjustable sizing. His are adjusted as wide as possible. Like the very end of the fuzzy Velcro side is barely hangin' on to the very end of the scratchy Velcro side.

I put a pair on him a while back. It was quickly apparent he did not like them. I got the first one on and while I was Velcro-ing the straps on the second one, he was shaking his foot trying to get the first one off. Once I got the second one on, I stood him up on the floor. The confusion this kid had was hilarious. He just kept picking up his feet and trying to shake the shoes off of them. By his expression you would have thought he just realized he stepped in gum. Confusion mixed in with a whole lot of disgust. Like, "What in the hell is that? Oh GREAT! Now I have something stuck to my foot!" And then he sat down and started crying. So I was nice and took them off.

Any day the mosquito situation is tolerable, the kids play outside at daycare. There is one play area for the babies that has some padded squares down for them to walk on, but he also gets to go in the big kids area sometimes. The flooring of which is not so luxurious. No padded squares. Mulch. Mulch requires shoes. He really only uses the swings in that area so the teachers have just been carrying him over there so far. I am guessing that is only going to last so long.

Pretty soon I am going to have to get my little hippie baby to accept shoes.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Back to it

Yesterday, my life got back to normal after 4 days of no work, lots of drinks, and a fantastic wedding. All house guests had gone to their respective homes. Alex was home. Back to work. And...back to working out. It was not an easy sell. I was super duper tired. But I did it. It is amazing how much harder those workouts are when you have taken 4 days off in a row. Wowsers. Good news though, I not only didn't gain any weight this weekend, but I also lost a pound. Yeah baby!

Having Alex home made me realize how much I missed him. It didn't seem like I missed him since we were all so busy all weekend, but it is really nice having him home. He is "talking" more than ever. His chatter is just barely short of constant. I so badly want to know what he is saying. You can usually get the jist of it from his expressions though. Kinda like the opera.

When we got home yesterday afternoon, the mosquito situation had gone down to Threat Level Blue so we were actually able to spend some time outside. The whole time we were out there, he followed the dog around, shouting orders at her, arms flailing to punctuate each point. I thought it was hilarious. The dog was not impressed. Pretty positive the dog enjoyed her time away from her brother. She got to lounge on the couch without having her ears pulled or eyes poked. Whatever, someone has to keep that dog on her toes.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Ta Da!

Brent and Kari are now Mr. & Mrs. Ballweg. Our bestest buddies are married! Exciting times my friends. The wedding was awesome. I was doing great with keeping any tears at bay all morning...and then I saw Brent in his tux. And then I cried a little. And then? Then! Since I was stationed behind Kari, I had to face Brent through the whole ceremony. And that jerkstore had the nerve to be really happy and almost crying...through the entire ceremony.

Aside from the absolutely disturbing amount of sweat the entire wedding party excreted that day, everything was beautiful. Kari was stunning. Brent couldn't have been more handsome. Everything, the whole day, just everything was fantastic. I am so happy I got to be a part of their wedding. It's not every day two people that mean that much to you get married. And it is one of the coolest things to be a part of.

Congratulations to two of my very favorite people.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

New Day - New Discovery

Our house is not big. At all. But for now, it's just fine and snuggly. Alex's room is by far the smallest room in the house. Aside from the bathroom...but it's a bathroom...and it's the size of a small walk-in closet so it doesn't really count for much. Anywho, his room. It's small. But being the smallest person in the family, that's what he gets.

When we lowered his crib mattress, it was suddenly just a bit lower than an outlet. Which meant he could easily reach his chubby little sausage fingers into an outlet. An outlet that has stuff plugged into it. Not good. So we rearranged things.

This morning I am laying in bed, cherishing every moment I have gotten to sleep past 4:45. And over the monitor I hear this Was he kicking something? Did he manage to sneak one of his drumsticks to bed with him and is gently tapping on the side of his crib? I couldn't figure out what he was doing to make that noise. Eventually he started making his "Mom come get me" noises, so I ventured downstairs.

And then I see what the noise was. His door is pulled open, since he can now reach it if he stands on his tip toes...which is about 99% of the time. He is standing at the end of his crib. on...light off...light on. He found the light switch. And he loooooooves it. I have a ever growing pit in my stomach just thinking about how long he is going to stand there at bed time click, click, clicking. There just may be a new room arrangement on the horizon.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

New Witching Hour

4:44. In the A.M. For the past three mornings. That is the ridiculous time Alex starts fussing/whimpering/kinda sorta being awake all of a sudden. Not cool, little dude. Not cool. Aside from me not wanting to be up that early, he is clearly not ready to be awake. So he ends up being all cranktified...and wobbly. That kid cannot walk when he is tired. Which is a problem because he tries to walk...and then trips and plops down...and then cries...the fakest, most pathetic cry ever. And then he gets back up and tries to walk. And round and round we go.

This morning I got up at 4:44, put his nuk in and covered him up. And he fell back asleep for about a half hour. Then I got back up and rocked with him for a bit. He was fidgety and then after a while just started talking, so we got up. In all of our bleary-eyed, wobbly-legged glory. And I decided to prove just how tired I was this morning by only putting on some of my make-up. Apparently mascara was optional today. Lookin' good Julius...lookin' good.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

One effective bitchtastic workout lady

Holding steady at -12lbs for the past 3 days.

I still come close to hyper-ventilation near the end of Level 2. Level 3 is not even in the running for something I am considering attempting. And I need to wash my living room floor. The amount of dried sweat droplets is so many levels of disgusting I don't really want to talk about it. Oh yeah, and then I let my baby play/walk/crawl/roll around on said floor. I am a stellar mom. A 12lbs lighter stellar mom! CAN I GET A WITNESS?!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Dear Brain, Please return.

I am seriously losing it. My lack of memory is nuts. On Monday evening Alex and I went grocery shopping. I shop from the store. He sits in the little baby holder spot and shops from the cart. I keep things in the cart until I pay for them. He takes things out of the cart one by one and drops them on the floor. We have different styles. Anyway! On Monday, he grabbed a bag of sugar snap peas from the cart and instead of dropping the bag and laughing, he decided to chew on the bag. Chew away kiddo! As long as you are content chewing on that bag, my shopping experience is one step higher than the 7th circle of Hell.

Jump forward to last night. I made cashew chicken for dinner. Getting everything ready, I was going through the peas de-stringing any that needed it. With each handful I pulled out of the bag, I was completely shocked at the quality of the peas. Or lack of quality more specifically. Every single pea pod was marred in some manner. A lot of them jaggedly broken in half. I was shocked the distribution company would even bag these to sell them. They were a mess.

Yeah...I was 3/4 through the bag and said out loud, "Geez! It looks like a mouse chewed on every single pea pod in here!" And with that sentence it finally hit me. It wasn't a mouse. It was your kid that you let chew on the bag for 25 minutes. Dumbass.

Shake it baby!

Alex's dance moves are coming along nicely...separately, but nicely. He can't quite seem to get the legs and arms moving at the same time. Which results in one of three moves.

1. He bounces up and down.
2. He does the twist, but only with his upper body.
3. He waves his arms around in the air.

I have admit, I am partial to #2 & #3. The twist thing cracks me up. He thinks it's terribly funny too. So, he sits/stands there, arms doing the twist, giggling like a goofball. The twist is definitely second the the arm waving thing though. He stands with a look of concentration and his arms just waving around randomly. He looks like one of those obnoxious inflatable arm flailing things stores use when they are having a tent sale. Or an insane orchestra conductor. Either way, it's funny.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Blood sucking jerk stores!

The mosquito situation at our house is out of control. They have taken over. It is impossible to be outside. When I got home yesterday, I parked in the garage and by the time I got to the back to take out the groceries there were no less than a dozen of those little bastards swarming the back tailgate. Alex got two bites just being carried to the house from the car. It's like a damn mosquito horror movie in our yard.

We are giving the mosquito-sucker-in-thingy another shot. It gives off carbon monoxide to trick the flying little jerks into thinking there is a human nearby ready to give blood. And then when they get close to the sucks them in and traps them! And then we get to watch them flying around in the little trap/bucket thing until they die. I realize it is morbid, but they are mosquitoes. I have no sympathy/empathy/whateverathy for those little assholes. We were having some technical difficulties early in the summer and gave up for a bit. But it is so unbearable, we have no choice but to try try again.

As of this morning, there were about 15 of them trapped in there. I am not sure if the mosquito-sucker-in-thingy is actually working. It could very well be that with the sheer volume of them in the yard, that many are bound to fly close enough to get sucked in. I don't care why they are in there. I am just happy they are in there and can't stab me with their little blood sucker thingys.

Loathe. Loathe is the perfect word to describe my feelings on mosquitoes...just in case I haven't clearly driven that point home yet.