Friday, June 28, 2013


Any time I have talked to my doctor about my brain pills and how long I will be on them, I have gotten the same answer:  You won't know if you still need them unless you try going without them.

I needed a refill and since I'm not good at time management/remembering things, a couple days passed before I picked the refill up.  And since I had gone a couple of days without taking any brain soothing medicine, I figured now is as good a time as any to see if I still need it.

It's been a little over a week and so far, so good.  This weekend ought to be a good test!

We were only going to have a birthday celebration at my parents' because one of the other kids at daycare has the same birthday and her mom beat me to the punch with the whole party invitation thing.  Which I was oh so sad about.  Sure, yeah, that's the story we'll go with...I was really sad.

But then the other day, I said something to Alex about how exciting it was that we were having his birthday at Gramma and Grampa Z's and he got all sad.  When I asked what was wrong, he pathetically told me he really wanted to celebrate at home.  I was not really about to change plans away from an afternoon at the pool, and since we don't need to beat the My Child is Spoiled dead horse anymore, I'm sure we all know where this is going.  Yep, I told him we could have some friends over on Sunday.  Now normally, "Sure, we can have some friends over." should be read as "Mommy and Daddy's friends will come over!"  But he's getting too old for that to work anymore.  Lame.

So I talked to a couple of the moms at daycare and they said they would try, but weren't sure they could make it.  So I talked to a couple other people.  And our friends.  And our neighbor.  And then all of a sudden all the people I talked to could make it!  And asked if it was alright if they brought the people visiting them with!

So, what started out as a couple kids coming over is turning into somewhere's around 20 people or so.  Oh, and Travis has to work.  Ha!  You ready brains?

Good thing the smallest pork shoulder Costco had was least I'll have enough meat to keep these people quiet.  Now, I just need to figure out what the hell to do with Mariah.


Alex's birthday needs to get here.  I have lost all control.  I am not allowed in a store that sells toys until after his birthday.  The thing is, he isn't getting the dune racer thingymajiggy until we get to  my parents' on Saturday.  And it's for suredly not ok for him to wake up on his birthday and have zero presents to open.  We've already gone over how spoiled he is.  Duh.

I did manage to only get five small things for him to open that morning, but the problem is, he doesn't realize they were only $3 each.  He just sees that he's getting a zillion things!  I'm thinkin' a little exercise in going through his current toys and picking a solid amount to donate is going to have to happen.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

What's up good lookin'?

This is a good look, right?  Super professional and not at all disgusting?  Good good.

Good to know I look as great as I feel right now.  Super hot.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Whoever ordered the summer cold with itchy allergy icing for me can suck it.

I'm still trying to live in denial of the cold and I keep telling myself my allergies are just really bad right now.  Not sure how long I can keep up the charade.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Good day

Alex has been having a great string of good behavior days.  We just noticed that so far for June, there are only 2 days that didn't get stickers.  The good days do include the 6 days he was with Gramma and Grandpa Z and Aunt Nicki, which is kinda cheating, but still.

Anywho, yesterday when I picked him up, he came running up to show me a smiley face drawn on his left thumb.  He quickly explained his teacher drew it on there because he had a "thumbs up kind of a day!"  And when we got home, he asked if I could draw one on his other thumb.

He was very protective of said smiley faces and sat like this for quite some time:

Monday, June 24, 2013

Behavior Modification

Alex's whining has yet to subside.  The amount it irritates me also has yet to subside.  We've learned so far that yelling and/or scolding does nothing to curb the obnoxious wailings of a butthurt child, so I've come up with a different solution.

Every time he whines, I get to pinch his butt.

It's really a win for all sides.  He thinks it's pretty funny so his attitude changes.  I get to inflict a quick burst of mild discomfort which lets him know how annoying his whining is while simultaneously relieving just a squink of stress for me.  Dr. Spock's got nothin' on me.

Neighborly Love

Yesterday was very hot and I thought nothing of it when I chose shorts and a tank top as my attire for the day.  The first tank top I chose has a cute little bit of crochet at the top on the back.  Super cute, but shrinks pretty badly in the wash.  So I gently tried to stretch it.  Poor craftsmanship coupled with my lacking knowledge when it comes to my own strength resulted in a ripped tank top.  Nothing to worry about, I just headed back into my black tank top repertoire and started my day.

Alex and I went to the park with some friends and then spent a couple hours swimming.  Which is when I figured out the elastic in my swimsuit decided the long winter in a drawer was just too much to handle and it had peacefully said goodbye to this world.  Again, I was not about to let a wardrobe issue thwart my day, so I just made do with the least amount of casual swimsuit picking out of butt as possible.

When we were home later, I got myself an impressive case of the hiccups.  My dear neighbor claimed to possess the ultimate hiccup cure in his arsenal, and I had no choice but to succomb.  His cure involved me standing with my arms above my head while he fed me water until I couldn't drink anymore.  After some water spilling on my tank top and a modest burp, we deemed he had rid me of my breath stealing demons.

It wasn't until late last night when I finally got in the shower that my little triumphs over small mishaps throughout the day came crashing down around me.  It was then that I raised my arm in an effort to determine if a razor was accompanying my shampoo and conditioner to the shower when it hit me.  My delicate little underarms hadn't seen a razor since Thursday.  And at that moment all I could picture was my poor neighbor standing close enough to me to pour water in my mouth while I was shoving my hairy armpits in his face.  So classy.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Push over

Alex's birthday is next week.  He has asked for one thing, and only one thing since JANUARY.  He really wants a "toy I can ride on that goes by itself."  He loves loves loves the motorcycle at my parents' house and really wants one to call his very own.  Well, apparently I am a giant push over and my son is completely spoiled, because this

was just purchased and will be assembled by the 29th.

My only concern is that its top speed is 5mph and my child is insane so I'm worried he will grow out of it too quickly.  But, he is gonna flip when he sees it.  And these things sell like hot cakes lathered in buttery syrup when they are post on Craigslist, so if worse comes to worse, we will at least be able to recoup some of the ridiculous amount of money this thing costs!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Miss Addy G

We got to watch Addy for a little while last night.  We all adore her and she is kinda obsessed with Alex, or at least obsessed with saying his name, so it worked out well.  After dinner, my disgusting child needed a bath.  He asked Addy if she wanted to take a bath with him about a zillion times and every time she shook her head "No" in response.  Every time until she saw he had cups in the bath with him.  Then it was game on.
Two towels were completely soaked through by the time they were done, just from the water that splashed/spilled/was poured out of the tub.  The giggling for sure made it worth it though.

Monday, June 17, 2013


I found some awesome green athletic shorts at Old Navy for Alex.  Only problem is, he doesn't have a single shirt that matches them aside from a completely white tshirt.  And the green shorts were the only clean shorts in his dresser this morning.  So I sent him to daycare in a brand spankin' new white tshirt.  I'm bettin' on at least 4 irremovable stains by end of the day.  Any takers?

Rebrush needed

While Alex was watching some riveting Backyardigans this morning, he called for me and said he wanted me to sit with him and watch the show.  I was running slightly behind but vastly low on motivation, so I obliged.  I snuggled up next to him and blanked out to the TV.  About 30 seconds after I sat down, he started sniffing the air over and over and then he wiggled away from me.  His reason for leaving my side?  "I don't wanna smell your breath."

Earning Points

About 5 minutes into our drive this morning, Alex dropped his waffle between the seat and door.  He started whining about it.  When I told him it was a bummer but not something I was about to listen to whining about, he just quietly pouted.  Since he listened and stopped whining, but was obviously sad about his waffle-less state, I pulled over when I could and walked around to his door.

When I opened the door, he looked at me terrified and asked what I was doing.  The terror, I'm sure, was due to the fact that the only other time I have pulled over and came to his door was to freak out on him for throwing a tantrum.  So, I reached down, grabbed the waffle, looked at him smiling and told him I wanted to get his waffle for him.  He gave me a ginormous smile and a "Fanks Mom!"

And then, when I got back in my seat, he paused before taking a bite and said, "That was really cool Mom...fanks."  Can't think of a better way to start my day.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Lesson Learned

I was making cookies and I sent the text, "anyone that says cookies are better than cookie dough is stupid.  My son included."

And then I walked through a spider web.

This concludes today's lesson in instant karma.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Happy Fathers' Day!

I have yet to get Travis anything for Fathers' Day.  Daycare made him cookies and a cute, thoughtful gift.  They're lucky I like them.

It took me a minute to realize the thing he is holding is the "I" of "I heart Dad."  It took you a minute too, right?  No?  Just me?  Figures.

Apparently about 5 minutes after they got done with the little interview for this project, Alex went up to his teacher to tell her that he thought of something else about his dad.  And then he said, "He's always cheating on my mom."  It took me a minute to recover from the shock and a couple more minutes to figure out what he was talking about.  We play tag in our house a lot.  There is a circle path from the kitchen, the living room and the walk through closet.  Travis consistently runs the opposite way of Alex and me so he can catch us.  And when he does that, I justifiably yell that he is a cheater.  At least that's what I hope he's talking about!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Stop it you guys.

Pretty sure we embarrassed Alex for the first time last night.  And nobody was around to see it!

Alex has been slightly on the whiney side since we got back from California and whining is for sure not something I have patience for.  Sorry kiddo.  Anywho, last night he was whining about not being able to put the chocolate in his store bought chocolate milk.  So, you know, totally legitimate complaint, right?  I couldn't take it any more and sharply said, "Stop!" and I couldn't help myself, I had to finish that with, "collaborate and listen.  Ice is back with my brand new invention."  Alex looked at my like I was nuts and before he could finish asking me What?, Travis joined in.  And we took turns singing lines of "Ice Ice Baby" for pretty much the first half of the lyrics.

The embarrassed laughter out of that kid was priceless.  I am so sad nobody was there.  We're hip; we're cool.

Could it be....SATAN?

How does Costco get way better produce than anywhere else on the planet short of the plants that grow the stuff?  Seriously.  The blueberries and strawberries I bought Tuesday are a-freaking-mazing.  I brought a container of blueberries for Alex's after daycare car snack, but it was really full.  And what started innocently as, "I should eat some of these so he doesn't inhale so many his stomach hurts." has rapidly turned into, "Shit.  There are hardly enough left worth saving for him.  Think he noticed I packed them this morning or can I get away with eating all of them?"

Failing as a mom, but killin' it in the getting enough antioxidants department!

Without further ado...

I present to you the most comfortable t-shirt ever to be sold in California:

Seriously, I think this thing was knit by tiny cherub angels who only use unicorn mane for thread.

Oh yeah, and this place has really good pizza.  BUT!  To put on the pizza, chile infused olive oil.  They take their olive oil which is freaking amazing on it's own, and then cram dried chili peppers in there for a while and then they put it on your table like it's no big deal.  Well, they are mistaken.  It is a big deal.  Such a big deal in fact, that oil made its way onto everything I ate there.  Which was quite a lot since Hopland, CA is tiny and there was only one other restaurant and a Subway.  I won't get into my feelings on Subway in case I get super famous and they want to endorse me for some reason, but Campovida Piazza was by far the best of our choices.  Didn't hurt that they had really good beer too.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

A.M. Snacking

Alex's usual pre-breakfast that gets consumed in the car on the way to daycare where he will be eating breakfast approximately 15 minutes after he gets there, is a chocolate chip waffle and some juice.  This morning we took a little detour on our Snackland map, and landed on soda water and Goldfish crackers.  At 7:30 in the morning. Oooookkkkkk.  I have given up trying to figure this kid out, and now I just hang on and go with it.  Fighting the Alex Rollercoaster will provide no successful results and will only make you nauseated.

It was a brand new bottle of soda water, so I tried putting the cap on it so it wouldn't spill everywhere, but I was assured he had it secured in the cup holder of his booster seat, and it was "tucked in really good and isn't even splattering.  The bubbles stop it from splattering."  I'm surprised you didn't know that.

Lately, Alex has wanted ice cubes in every drink.  Juice?  Ice cubes.  Milk?  Ice cubes.  Soda water?  Ice cubes.  I had already put ice cubes in his juice cup like the obedient little servant I am, but the soda water was sprung on me as we were leaving and our ice cubes don't fit in the tiny bottle opening and you cannot put soda water in a straw sippy cup.  Learned that one the explosive hard way.  So, he was stuck with ice cube-less soda water.

About half way to daycare, Alex started giggling in the back and told me that he put yellow ice cubes in his soda water.  I was 99% sure I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I asked him where he got the yellow ice cubes.  He matter of factly told me he got them from the yellow ice cube machine.  Now, again, I was pretty positive the yellow ice cube machine was in reality the bag of Goldfish, but his imagination has been on overdrive lately, and Goldfish are kinda orange-ish not really yellow, so maybe just maybe he was pretending.  Upon arrival, I determined that I should listen to my gut more often as I saw three saturated, bloated, disintegrating Goldfish floating at the top of the soda water bottle.  Yuuuuh-ummmy.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Alex's vacation

Based on the pictures I kept getting while we were gone, I wasn't sure Alex was going to want to come home with us.

Apparently he asked for watermelon for breakfast.  This is what my mom gave him.  And now you can be sure you know where my smartassedness comes from.

He loves anything and everything to do with horses and the barn; lawn tractor notwithstanding obviously.

Gramma decided the green/yellow/red light system would be useful during his stay.  I challenge her to make me believe she ever would have actually moved him off of the green light, but that's what grammas are for, right?

As you can see, he did quite well.

I got a voicemail from my dad telling me that for no discernible reason, Alex put him on the yellow light.  But told him that he would think about moving him back to green after a trip to Culver's for lunch.

And then, I found he put Aunt Nicki on the red light.  Again for no apparent reason.  Although if I were to venture a guess...this red light placement was utilized strictly to get a rise out of his aunt.  And since I got a text from her claiming her red light status was bullshit, I'm pretty sure he achieved his goal.  I do have to agree with her on the bullshit call though seeing as though every single picture she sent me was of my child consuming some sort of sugar.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he enjoyed his vacation.  But, he was so ecstatic to see us, any worry of him being sad to go home instantly melted.  He ran out to meet us in the driveway, squealing like a piglet the whole time.  He switched off between having one of us constantly hold him while he repeatedly introduced both of us to the rest of the family.  "This my dad, Travis.  This is mom, Jackie.  Her long name is Jacqueline."  I think he introduced my dad and Travis close to a dozen times.  It's so good to have that little snot around again.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Aaaand we're back!

The house we stayed at while in California was nice, but terrifyingly difficult to get to.  After you drove 7 miles of switchbacks up the side of the mountain, you got to the driveway...And then you had to drive another 2 miles of switchbacks, but this time without the luxury of paved roads.  I swear every time I looked out my window I could see the Grim Reaper waving at me from the bottom of the cliff 3" from the side of the car.  Not a menacing wave, just a "Hey there!  Be careful, but I'll see ya soon!"  But the view once you got up there...wowsers.
 Just making sure you can really notice how high up we were.  We were ABOVE the clouds.
We were also very alone up there.  No neighbors, no nothin'.  So naturally, I concluded we were going to get eaten by bobcats.  You never know when one might sneak up on ya, so better to pretend to be scared at all times.
Getting to the wedding venue wasn't quite as dramatic, but the views were just as breathtaking.

And in case you're wondering, yes, I did lay down all of that burlap you see on the floor of the tent and secure it with a zillion staples I personally shot out of a staple gun.  And Travis did in fact hang those paper lanterns (and about 73 other ones).  And we also made and placed all 700 of those luminaries you see lining the vineyard driveway there.  Set up for this wedding was nutballs.  And it was reeeeeally hot.

And it was all for these freaks!

Congratulations Brett and Melanie!  It may have been 113 degrees and we may have blown the power supply for the entire valley, but we got to get you two hitched!

Monday, June 3, 2013


Travis and I are going to California for a wedding.  Alex is staying with my parents for a couple days and then with my sister for a couple days.  He keeps asking me about it...

"Mom, I'm gonna stay at Gramma and Grandpa Z's while you and Dad go on an adventure, right?"

It's gonna be a long 6 days without that kid.  Don't get me wrong, I am gonna sleep in so hard it's not even funny, but I'm going to miss that little snot.