Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!

You guys.  Look at this.  Just look at this.  You think he was excited?

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

What do I know?

Alex has a little habit of sucking his upper lip with his lower lip.  So he kinda looks like a Muppet with an under bite, and he gets a very chapped upper lip.  He complained that it hurt, so I got the Vaseline just like the last time it hurt and he got all weirded out and was positive it was going to hurt.  After some convincing, we got the Vaseline smeared on and off he went.

Sunday night, I put some more on before bedtime, but I forgot to reapply yesterday morning.  He didn't say a word about it until I picked him up and we were on our way home.  He then was more than happy to remind me I did nothing to fix it and his lip still hurt.  I apologized for forgetting and told him we would slather it up as soon as we got home.  He sat quietly for a bit, but then asked me if I could call Dr. Treehouse to make sure that I'm supposed to putting Vaseline on his chapped lip.

Yep.  My child doesn't trust me with Vaseline.  I think we have some serious issues to address.

Any way, I told him I would call.  But that wasn't good enough.  He wanted me to call right then.  So there I was, driving down the road, with my phone up to my ear, pretending to talk to his pediatrician about the healing power of Vaseline.  I had a whole one-sided, pretend conversation with Dr. Treehouse.  And guess what?!?  He said that you should use Vaseline on a chapped lip until it gets better!  Smart man that Dr. Treehouse.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Caged Up

There is currently a dog crate, with all of Aiden's favorite blankets in it, set up in our spare room.  She finally broke me.  I came home on Friday and found she had used the pull cord on the blind behind the couch to release the she could shred it.  And this is a couple days after the door to the play room wasn't quite shut tightly, so she chewed on the door to pull it open, and once she got in the play room, she had her way with the 4 blinds that were down in that room.

We keep randomly putting hot dogs and other treats in the crate for her find so it becomes some sort of happy place for her.  I am worried that her freak ass is going to hurt herself once I lock her in there, but Imma 'bout to hurt her if she keeps wrecking shop while we're gone.  I also need to keep Captain Destruct-O Dog under control since we are moving more aggressively on selling the house.  I can't come home at 5, with an appointment to show the house at 5:30, and have 90% of the blinds in the house shredded to bits.  Now if I could only figure out how to keep the kid out of the crate.

Speaking of the kid, he had a bit of an ego check this morning.  He was excited to see his friends, but last night he kept telling Travis and me that when he got to school all his friends were going to come running to him.  To be fair, they did all do that the other day.  But that was when I dropped him off half-way through the morning after he had been sick the previous day.  So it was a disruption to the day and they all got super excited.  This morning?  Not so much.  He took it right in stride, but I felt pretty bad for my little champ when he walked in and all his friends were preoccupied and only the teachers greeted him.  He even stood in front of his one buddy with a look on his face like, "Ummm...hello?  I'm here...aren't you excited?"  And his little friend just kept on dancin' like it was his job.  Hopefully the day took a better turn for the dude.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Celebrating Small Victories

When I walked out onto the playground to get Alex, he looked up, came running to me, and screamed, "Mommy!!  I didn't hit anybody today!!!!"

I'll take it.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Joy of Fall

Our house is surrounded by huge ash trees.  They are awesome in the summer and provide great shade and privacy.  And they are beautiful in the fall...until the millions and millions and millions of leaves fall off.  Holy guacamole we have a lot of leaves to rake every fall.

A couple weeks ago, Alex decided he wanted to "help" Travis rake leaves.  But the only child size rake we have is used for dog poop patrol, so I wouldn't let him use it.  I know, I'm so mean.  So, helping turned into playing.  Way more fun that actual raking...

Mastering New Skills

I noticed the other day that I need to update the extra clothes Alex has in his cubby at daycare.  Currently, he has a tshirt and a pair of shorts that are a full size too small, zero extra underwear, and swim trunks.  It was 43 degrees yesterday.  Pretty sure the swim trunks can come home.

Knowing his back-up clothes are not appropriate, imagine my surprise when I got to daycare yesterday and saw the blue waffle knit, long sleeve shirt I dropped him off wearing in his cubby.  And then imagine my further surprise when I picked up said shirt and it looked like this:
What are those marks in the middle of the shirt you ask?  Scissor cuts.  Four of them.  According to the shirt murderer, he was cutting paper and "the scissors just kept going and cut my shirt.  Weeeeeeeeee need to get a new one, Mom."

Monday, October 21, 2013

Sinatra's Got Nuthin'

Who has the bluest eyes and the awesomest new hat?!?!?

This kid:

Friday, October 18, 2013

Post Arrest Phone Call

At the beginning of summer, Travis focused all of his infinite wisdom into one moment at Menard's, and bought a child's size garden hoe for Alex.  This tool was promptly hidden from Alex after he proved he could not use the implement in any sort of safe manner.  But I was lazy and didn't hide it very well and he found it.  We talked him into "storing" it outside next to the garden and made him promise to only use it in said garden.  This was working until last Saturday.

It was a beautiful afternoon, and I was sitting outside chatting with Julie while Alex and his cousin played.  I had my back to the house and Julie was facing the back door.  At one point, Alex decided it was a good idea to take his garden hoe into the house.  Wrong.  I told him it did not belong in the house, it was an outside tool, and he needed to leave it.  He briefly pouted, but left it on the back steps.  I turned back to Julie and continued our conversation.  About 7 seconds in, her eyes got very large and she quickly shook her head "no" while looking just past my shoulder.  I spun around to see only Alex's fuzzy little head and one arm sticking out of the mud room, while he sloooooowly and silently pulled the garden hoe into the house.  Julie tried to warn him, but he was caught.  So I put him in his room for a time out due to blatantly going against what I told him.  He screamed and threw a fit and blah blah blah, and I went back outside.

About 5 minutes later, I was about to go in and tell him he could come out, but I didn't have to because he came bounding outside with my phone that had been on the kitchen counter, happily shouting that Aunt Nicki was calling me.  I looked at my ringing phone and saw that Aunt Nicki was indeed calling.  I answered only to have her confusedly ask me if I called her.  Took a few seconds before I realized, I hadn't called her...but someone in my house had.  I got off the phone with her and looked at my call log.  Sure enough, there were calls to Aunt Nicki, #88444563, and Travis.

I asked Alex if he called those three numbers.  And proud as a peacock he told me he had.  And then I noticed he talked to Travis for 4 minutes.  And what did he need to tell Daddy?  That we needed pancake mix.

I'm gonna have to lock him in his time outs from now on.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Start Your Day Right

"Did you know that a healthy breakfast is the best way to start your day?  Did you know that?  Because it is...a healthy breakfast is the best way to start your day.  So we should get up and have a healthy breakfast because it's the best way to start your day.  Did you know that, Mom?  Can I get up now?"

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Someone is feeling much much better today.  This is the most sane picture I could get of him this morning.  And...he let me cut his hair!!  It's not great, but it's an improvement.  Except that he now looks 14 years old.

Since he was dancing around the living room naked while eating a bagel and singing along with Handy Manny within 7 minutes of waking up, I think whatever yesterday's bug was is now gone!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Super Sad Face

I have a funny story to tell you, but I'm home tending to a sick Alex again...this time no fever, but he can't keep anything in his stomach.  Poor kid.  Good thing he's got the blankies needed for a good couch nap.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


Wanna know what's more fun than giving your dog, who hates getting wet, a bath?  Giving her two baths in one day because your awesome mailman didn't bother to close the gate after he delivered the mail, so said dog took a little adventure trip around the neighborhood to find the stinkiest, nastiest, black goo of unknown origins to roll in.  That very same gate that he had to open to get in the yard; yeah, that one.

Pssssttttt...Mailman...There's a reason the gate is closed!

Name Game

A couple weeks ago, Alex told me he wanted to change Aiden's name to "Otto Aiden."  I have no clue where this idea came from or where he heard the name Otto, but whatever.  She'll still ignore him the way she already does when he calls for her, so no harm done.

Today, after not mentioning the "Otto" portion of her name since that initial conversation, she walked past him and Alex said, "Mom, I think we should just call Otto Aiden 'Mutt' now."  Oooookkkkkk.

Eye of the Beholder

A while back, Alex and I were snuggled up at bedtime and he laid this one on me:

"Mom, I wish you looked more like Aunt Nicki."

I was a bit taken aback so I just said, "Well...I've only got this face.  Sorry, kiddo."  Then things went a bit awry..

"No, you can keep your face.  Just those other things.  Sometimes they're like this (he makes a circle-type motion with his hands) know, your dots."

After much confusion and a couple questions, I figured out dots = boobs.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that conversation.

Future's so bright

I have located and presented both pairs of sunglasses Alex owns.  Both have been shunned to the cup holders of his booster seat and his Cars umbrella is now being employed as his the car.  This child sits in the back seat all the way to day care in the morning with his umbrella opened and blocking the sun.

The way his mind works never ceases to baffle me.

Pot calling the kettle black

Alex, Aiden, and I went through the drive-thru at the bank the other day.  And while we were waiting for the teller to finish up the deposit and hopefully hand over a sucker and a dog treat, Alex said, "That guy looks weird."  He wasn't looking at anyone in particular when he said that, so I asked him who he was talking about and he let me know he thought the teller looked weird.  I reminded him it's not nice to say mean things about someone's appearance, but then my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him why he thought this completely average looking man looked weird.

"His hair is weird."



Anyone that has been following along the past couple of months, or has laid eyeballs on my child, knows that Alex's hair has been quite the point of contention as of late.  So, being the thoughtful empathy teaching mother I am, I looked at him and said, "Ummmm...have you taken a look at your hair lately?!"  He just looked up as high as he could while tilting his head back and asked, "How am I supposed to see my own hair?!?!"
Alex:  Can you ask my teachers to stop doing that?
Me:  Stop doing what?
Alex:  Teaching.


Once again "Handy Manny" infiltrates our lives...

There was an episode on the other day where Manny, the tools, and their beloved hardware store owner, Kelly, all perform Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for their community theater.  The tools were the dwarfs and Dusty the saw was "Sneezy."  During the play there was obviously a scene where "Sneezy" sneezes mid-sentence.  Dusty was shy about it, so the director kept telling her to sneeze louder and louder because it was supposed to be funny and apparently loud unequivocally equals funny to this horrendous excuse for a community theater director.  Other things happen, Manny and tools have to fix things so the play can go on, Kelly has every single supply under the sun in her tiny ass hardware store, blah blah standard "Hanny Manny" episode.

I didn't think a thing of it until a couple hours later when Alex sneezed for the first time since watching that particular episode.  The sneeze was genuine...the first time.  But it was quickly followed with :

"WwwaaaaaahhhhhhCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHOOO!!!!!!"  I am not exaggerating at all.  The smile of naughty pride on his face after is the only thing that is funny about this.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.

The numbers on the scale are headed in the wrong direction once again.  Why can't I just be able to eat whatever I want without working out and not gain any weight?  Is that too much to ask?!?

The lack of working out hasn't been totally due to lack of want.  There is something funky going on in my foot/heel area that forced me to drop out of my training for the half marathon I was going to do this fall.  Not sure what's going on, but if it continues to not be phased by ice and ibuprofen, a doctor might just be involved.  Here's to hopin' it calms the hell down.

In an effort to not strain my foot/heel thang, but to stop the growth of my ass at the same time, I purchased a yoga DVD.  Aaaaand I cracked it when removing it from the case.  Awesome.  I was all dressed for workin' out, but I wasn't going to let myself run, so I threw good ol' Jillian in the DVD player and let her yell at me for 20mins.

It hurts to sit down today.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Makin' Progress

When I picked Alex up on Friday, there was a little Cars notebook in his cubby.  I asked his teacher who it belonged to and she said it was Alex's good behavior gift.  My expression of shock begged for further explanation and she let me know she is incorporating incentive gifts for when the kids go beyond with good behavior.  Apparently Alex did a really good job listening during group time that day.  Such a good job that he was the only one to sit down and stay sitting down when told, so he got a present.

It's a little sad to admit how excited I was about that freaking notebook...but come on!  My kid, the one they started doing daily report cards because of, that kid was the one that was listening?  Even when other kids were misbehaving?  Get outta town.  I love it.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Weather Pending

This morning's conversation in the car, all taking place with Alex's legs crossed at his ankles and his hands folded neatly in his lap:

Alex:  Mom, it's raining...we have to cancel the pumpkin patch trip.
Me:  Oh, don't worry honey, you're not going to the pumpkin patch today...that's Tuesday.
Alex:  My teacher said it was the next day.
Me:  No, it's Tuesday.
Alex:  It's today.  She said it's the next day.  And she said we would go if it was raining, but I don't agree.  I have a different idea about going to the pumpkin patch when it's raining because I don't like getting wet.
Me:  You don't like getting wet?  Since when?!
Alex:  Since today.  We have to cancel it.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hop up, jump in!

Alex's obsession with Handy Manny is getting a little nutso.  The only saving grace is that he calls it "Handy Mandy" and it cracks me up every time he says it.

He incessantly begs to watch videos.  I can't seem find the show on TV anymore, but Netflix to the rescue!!!  He used to watch one episode and then ask if he could watch another.  But, very quickly, he figured out that if he pushes "the Handy Mandy button," another episode will start.

I guess it could be worse, he could be asking for "Max & Ruby" again.