Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I'm Sorry I Showed You This.

People.  I stumbled upon dark chocolate bark with toasted coconut and almonds.  The company that makes it has called it "snacking chocolate."  I love them.  I'm going to have 1 million of their babies.
You need to get you some of this:

Birthday Marketing

All Alex wanted to do for his birthday was go to Chuck E. Cheese's and go in the Ticket Blaster.  He has seen multiple commercials for the wonderous place where a kid can be a kid and parents can lose their minds while simultaneously losing their life savings.  All of said commercials have included a shot of the coveted Ticket Blaster.

The Ticket Blaster is a chamber that has a ton of tickets on the floor, they strap safety goggles on you, close the door, and fire up a fan that blows the tickets around.  Your objective is to grab as many tickets out of the air as possible.  We are all intelligent adults here, so I can safely assume we all realize there is no way the ticket return is worth the price of admission.  But the enjoyment provided?   I would pay for that time and time again.

An unexpected lovely sidenote, Chuck E. Cheese's pizza has gotten much better.  And they serve beer.  Good good.

To the Ticket Blaster!



Thanks for spectacular birthday fun Mr. Cheese!

Monday, June 29, 2015


Alex is 6 years old today.

He makes me laugh.  He makes me crazy.  He lights up my every day.

I could go on and on with a zillion cliché thoughts.  But instead, I think I'll quickly say "Happy Birthday Mr. Alex!" here and then go snuggle him until he farts on me.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Career Day

"Mom?  Did you know sometimes, during their work, firefighters die?"
"Yes.  Their work is very dangerous."
"...I think I'm going to be the ambulance driver.  That way I don't have to go in until the fire is out and it's safer.  And when Sammy is an adult, I'm pretty sure he'll want to work in the ambulance with me.  Hey Mom, are you going to be alive when Sammy's an adult?"
"That's the plan."
"Oh phew!  'Cause I think our operation will work much better with at least three people."

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Safety Measures

Don't even try entering my office.  You will be stopped by a fierce dog.  Or you will have to pick your feet up a little higher than normal to step over her.  FIERCE I TELL YOU!

A New Boops

A new mispronounciation I hope stays for a bit:

"Oh man.  Mom, I have a radish on my leg."

Confused, I looked and saw a small patch of bumpy, dry skin.  Radish...rash...whichever.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Trying to avoid the awkward smile...

"K buddy, show me a mean face."

This kid.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Fathers' Day

Day care knocked it out of the park again with the Fathers' Day present.

Late Night Partier

We went to Minnesota this weekend.  All the kids stayed at Travis's brother's house while the adults went to a concert on Saturday night.  The kids all hung out and watched each other with a little assistance from a babysitter.  The adults didn't get home until about 1am.  All good.

It was all good...until Sam decided he wanted to be awake and held at 3am.  And didn't want to sleep or be put down until 4:30am.  It was nutso.  He was mostly content for that entire hour and a half which was helpful since Alex was sharing a room with us.  One of the times I tried putting him back in his pack 'n' play, he started squawking enough to roust Alex, who promptly sat up and said, "I know Sam-Sam, but you have to understand...sometimes life isn't fair."  I thanked him for his support in the matter, and told him to snuggle up and go back to sleep.  "I can't Mom.  There's a big wet spot."  Ooooooooof course there is.

So there I was at 4 in the morning, still a bit tipsy, ALL the way exhausted, feverishly ripping pee soaked sheets off of a bed before the mattress got wet.  And don't forget all this had to be done one handed because heaven forbid Sam would allow me to set him down for a split second without screaming and possibly waking up the rest of the people in the house.

The concert was really good though!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Nom Nom Nom

I'm pretty sure we have covered Alex's habit of cramming so much food in his mouth he gags.  He's getting better about it, but we still have to remind him to slow down and take smaller bites.  Welp, looks like this is something that runs in our gene pool somewhere because Sam is following the over-stuffed-mouth path Alex laid out before him.

Sam employs the same tactic of taking as big of a bite as possible, and then he either stays the course of Alex which involves gagging and sometimes puking, or goes his own way.  When he goes his own way, he sits with a mouth so full of food, that while he's chewing the food starts squishing back out as it has no where else to go.  But instead of letting the escaping food be free, he crams it back in with the back of his hand.  And then it squishes out again and he again uses the back of his hand as a food barricade.  Repeat until the food is finally manageable and consumed.

Obviously I am trying to manage the size of the bites of food that go in this child's mouth.  But that, of course, gets tricky too.  He prefers to bite food.  It irritates him if I cut it up for him.  If he truly had his way, he would hold the food and take bites off to his liking.  But since I would like to keep my CPR skills in reserve, that is a no go.  Which puts me back to cutting his food up into appropriately sizes pieces.  And that's been a no go from his camp.  Those perfectly portioned bites are apparently better suited for a deployment of air delivered dog food.

He won't eat cut up food, but I can't let him hold the whole piece of food, so I end up holding it.  But then you have to throw in the little fact that I also want to keep my fingers.  What we end up with is me holding the food at an appropriate bite amount, with my fingers delicately placed a proper food cutting technique pose:
Last night, he eyed up and demanded a banana while I was foolishly trying to get him to eat some bite sized chicken.  I held on to it without the aforementioned technique, and let him take a bite.  The back of the hand food barricade was in full effect after this one.

The frequency with which I email myself a picture from my phone and then am immediately surprised that I have a new email is absolutely embarrassing.

Buggin' Out

Travis's parents got Alex a bug catching kit for his birthday.  They gave it to him a little early so he could have it this week while they are camping.  I just...this picture...it is too much.  It is perfection.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Down One

Alex is away at his annual camping trip with Travis's parents.  Just like every year, the house is so quiet.  And clean.  I mean, Sam is mobile and whatnot, but he isn't quite at the F5 tornado rating Alex has achieved, so the end of night pick up routine has been minimal.

And also just like every year, I already miss that little sass box.  But, I gotta say, casually making a non-kid-friendly dinner after a work out and then relaxing after a shower is pret-ty nice.  I may be a bit more focused on the missing him part by Friday, but right now, we're sittin' at a solid 50/50.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015


Seriously.  Mother Nature, I love you.  I do my best to treat you right.  I recycle.  I turn off the lights when I'm not in the room.  I try not to lallygag in the shower.  I know I drive an SUV, but this?  This shit ain't right:

Monday, June 15, 2015

Sellin' It

Alex is just this side of addicted to Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters.  Not a single molecule in my body is sad about the lack of Paw Patrol in my house.  Doesn't hurt that Mike Rowe is pretty easy on the eyes either.

The thing that is really cracking me up about this is his rection to the commercials.  When he's watching Paw Patrol, obviously 99% of the commercials are for toys or sugar laden food or Chuck E. Cheese's.  But when he's watching Discovery Channel?  Slightly different marketing scheme.

I will tell you though, Alex is a marketer's dream. He endorses nearly every product he sees.  A commercial for a new tool set?  "Dad needs that; we should buy that for Dad."  A quick 30 seconds about a spine surgery clinic?  "Mom, how is your back feeling?  Because if it still hurts, you should go to that place."  Two days after at ad that feels like a documentary on bathtub refinishing?  "Mom, I know how to fix this damaged spot on our tub.  We can just get a new one that goes over this one!  It'd be a lot easier than replacing this one."

I bet the people writing these ads didn't realize their target market should be children at the ripe old age of  5 years and 351 days.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Kindergarten Ages You

How did this sweet little boy:
Turn into this teenage looking boy so fast?

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Minds: Blown

The other night, Alex asked me how many things there were.  Like in the world.  How many things are there?  What.

Then, on a different night, I explained to him that space never ever ever ever stops.  It goes on forever.  After a few questions and a quiet "whoa," he just silenty stared at me.

Having an almost 6 year old is really cool.

Friday, June 5, 2015


Alex leaving daycare yesterday, "¡Adios amigos!...I can speak Japanese!"

Thursday, June 4, 2015


Every once in a while I wonder about how Sam will be different from Alex.  Will he be as funny?  As sassy?  As inquisitive?

This morning, I found out they already have one thing in common:  a love of construction vehicles of any kind.  There was a front end loader digging up a small portion of the road in front of our house this morning, and this was how the boys sat for a solid 15 minutes:
Every time the operator would dump anything in the waiting truck, Alex would give a fist pump and a "YES!" and Sam would clap while displaying the goofiest grin.  Today ranked right up there with the best mornings.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Time's Running Out

Is one year still within the "it's baby weight" realm?  How long do I have before I have to claim this extra 20lbs as my own?  Does it coincide with when I feel ridiculous giving Sam's age in months?  Because if that's the case, y'all can talk to me when I have a 184 month old.

Epitome of a Big Brother

Alex loves Lucky Charms cereal.  When he eats it though, we do have to make sure he's eating all of it, not just the marshmallows.  Many a time, I have asked, "Are you eating the luckies too, not just the charms?"

The other day he was having some for a snack and was eating it out of the box because we are fancy.  Sam Quadimodo'd over to see what Alex was doing, and Alex shared with him right away.  How sweet right?  Kinda.  Sam was getting all the luckies and Alex was getting all the charms.

I think he's doin' this big brother thing just about right.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015


I totally forgot to post a picture of Sam eating his birthday cake.  I kinda feel like he might want this piece all to himself...

That is the look of a baby that will cut anyone attempting to take his cake.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Samalamadingdong's on the Move

Sam is finally mobile.  He isn't crawling...it's more of a scoot...but with one leg dragging behind a bit.  Kinda Quasimodo-esque.  But it works for him, and he can get where he wants to go.  Problem is, we aren't completely used to that yet.

After dinner yesterday, Alex, Sam, and Travis were in the living room.  Travis and Alex were having a war with the balls from Sam's new ball pit, and I assumed Sam was innocently watching them.  I assumed that until I heard a loud THUNK immediately followed by Sam crying.  I came into the living room just as Travis's head was disappearing DOWN THE STAIRS.  So naturally, I added to the situation by shouting, "DID HE JUST FALL DOWN THE STAIRS?!?!"  Even though I was clearly aware of the situation, I couldn't stop myself from asking.  And the alarm in my voice signaled Alex to instantly become concerned, so he started repeatedly asking if Sammy was ok.  Travis's response to all of this?  "Well, yes...he did...but he barrel rolled, so it's not like he went end over end."  Oh.  Well then.  I'll stop being concerned that our 1 year old just took the quick way down 8 stairs.

Sam was scared, but not really hurt.  He has a little skid mark on his forehead, but other than that, he's no worse for the wear.

That little incident totally made me feel better about my lack of supervision debacle.  I had to go to the bathroom, so I asked Alex to sit with Sam for a minute.  "I got him Mom!"  Awesome.  I came back to find Alex engrossed with a racetrack, and Sam stuffing fistfuls of dog food in his mouth.  My telling Sam to stop eating the dog food snapped Alex out of his race car trance long enough to say, "...oooooohhhh....oops.  Sorry 'bout that Mom."

Given the pace of the subsequent scoots toward the dog's dish, I'm confident when I say Sam approves of the flavor dog food we buy.