The sads are no fun

I haven't written about this and I don't know why really...but here goes...


After I came back from California and was sad I couldn't stay on vacation forever and never have to face my life, two amazing friends stopped letting me fool myself and told me something was wrong and I should talk to someone. Preferably someone with a medical degree.


Up until that point, I had just been chalking my moods up to the craziness of having a baby in the house. But they made me stop and really think about how I had changed. Not how my life had changed, but how I had changed. I realized for the first time, things were not ok. I constantly felt like I was overwhelmed. Like all the time. The only way I could describe it is that I constantly felt like I couldn't handle my shit. Perfect example: Kari and Brent were over for dinner. My 2 responsibilities were to set the table and keep an eye on the asparagus roasting in the oven. And I could not do it. I got all tense and just couldn't do it. I used to run a bar and constantly corral a bunch of intoxicated people (some of which I was employing) for pete's sake, and there I was not able to conquer two incredibly easy tasks.


The other part of this not so little problem was how it was affecting Travis. He was constantly walking on eggshells at the house. He had no idea how I was going to react to anything not going according to some weird plan I had in my head. Oh, and I was nice enough to not verbally express that plan to anyone, much less to Travis. So he basically was living with a crazy person that would blame him for anything, and most likely everything. Yay for Travis!

Anywho, I listened to my two lovely friends, and I went to see a doctor. And, I know this is weird but, she was completely understanding, quick with a Kleenex, assuring that I am not the only one, and talked to me about what was going on and how to change it. And that is when Welbutrin entered my life.


I may or may not be on it forever, but I will tell you...right now? It really is helping me. I feel a lot more like "me" now. I can handle more than one thing at a time again and I am not ripping Trav's head off at every turn...just the turns he really has it coming. And I feel like I am a way better mom for Alex, which is a pretty good feeling.


This was brought to the forefront of my head after reading about yet another person having the oh-so-lovely baby blues. I am not really sure where I am going with all of this, but I do know one thing. I have incredible people in my life. It takes a brave and honest friend to tell you they think something is wrong with you in the brains. And I am damn lucky to have two of those brave and honest people I get to call my friends.