Accept and get on with it.

First things first. I love Alex and I think it is going to be really cool seeing him develop and grow. Second, I am ok, so people do not need to freak out that things are horribly wrong and I am going to end up in a padded room. You people know who you are.

And away we go.

I feel like there are a lot of emotions that people never talk about when they talk about having a kid. Most the talk you hear is about the good stuff. And even when someone talks about the bad stuff, the crying, the sleeplessness, or the never ending poop brigade, it's all wrapped in a Oh My God Babies Are So Cute So We Put Up With Minor Things bow. All the bad stuff is covered up with teddy bears barfing smiley faces. Well I think there are some not so minor things that get ignored because they are not the popular things to think or feel when you have a newborn.

The big thing I am struggling with right now is that a lot of me really wants my old life back. This is where I feel the need to state again, I love Alex. The thing is I really liked my old life too. And it is a very difficult transition. Difficult for anyone, next to impossible for someone like me that likes things to stay the way they are when I like them. With this feeling comes a whole locomotive of other shit. Guilt for not being over the moon every second of every day about Alex. Sometimes regret that we made the decision to change our lives so drastically. Feelings of isolation from my friends. You know, all the warm fuzzies you can imagine.

I am trying to make sure I do things to help me get to a place of acceptance. My main course of action so far is to incorporate Alex in as much of my normal routine as I can. Don't get me wrong, his routine definitely rules the roost, but I am doing my best to get our lives to become a bit more compatible. I also keep reminding myself that the more he develops and can interact the more fun I will have with him.

There will always be a part of me that misses my old life no matter what the future holds. Here's to hopin' the future can beat out the past.