I am not the most religious person in the world, to put it lightly. I don't think I have the right to have issues with anyone anywhere believing whatever they believe and I don't think anyone has the right to have any issues with what I chose to and not to believe. But, that is a whole deep conversation that frankly isn't all that great for amusement purposes, so let's just use it as necessary background for the following story to be amusing at all.
When Alex was baptized, my in-laws gave him a very nice children's Bible. It's colorfully illustrated and the writing isn't as difficult to get through as a standard Bible. In one of their "let's put all of your books in your clothes hamper because what could be funnier" trashings of Alex's room, he and Hazel came across this Bible. I didn't withhold it from him or anything, but some of the lessons are a little hard for a toddler to understand. Not to mention, the stories in the Bible can get a teensy bit heavy handed in the death and hate arena, so it hadn't been a go-to book for bedtime. Hazel spent a good amount of time looking through it that night while Alex sat on his bed reading about construction vehicles.
The next night, Travis was putting him to bed and Alex chose the Bible as the book he wanted to read. Since it wasn't something we had read together, I'm pretty sure he picked it because it's the biggest book on his shelf and he figured it would take that much longer before we turned his lights off. I'm on to you little man. Any way, they read a couple verses and off to sleep he went.
I was putting him down the next night, and again he chose the Bible. We sat down and started reading about Noah. Within a minute, Travis came bounding into Alex's room holding the fire extinguisher. With a look of relief he said, "Oh, you haven't burst into flames yet? Good good." Very funny. Alex asked what Daddy was doing with that. And I very honestly told him, "Daddy's being a sassy jerkstore."
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