I'm there.

I think I am finally there. Or here. Or whatever. It has taken this long, but I think I finally can say I feel like myself again. Well, an altered mom-type version of myself, but as close as I think we are gonna get. I am not really sure what flipped that switch, but it has been flipped and I am very happy about it. I can honestly say it has taken until this past weekend for me to feel this way.

Up to this point, I have just felt...off. Now I can guarantee there are quite a lot of people that would say I am a bit "off" most the time, but the off I was feeling was different. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but it wasn't right. It wasn't me. I was a frazzled, tired, impatient, not so happy version of me. Don't let me fool you. I still feel frazzled and tired...and I am working on the impatient part. But it all feels more under control all of a sudden. My guess is that it is no coincidence this new feeling of stability is coming at the same time as Alex consistently only waking once a night. Perhaps that little bit extra of uninterrupted sleep has made all the difference. If that's the case, can you imagine what I am going to feel like when he is sleeping through the night? I will be unstoppable!

I think that Alex's ability to interact is also helping me a lot. That and the constant, never ending, what feels like an eternity of time we have spent together. I am starting to feel like I understand him now. I can more easily figure out what he needs and how to make him happy. And even if I can't figure it out, or soothe him quickly, I at least now feel like at some point I will figure it out. We will just figure each thing out as we go. That feels a heck of a lot better than the insane-o circus we were living before. There were animals everywhere and the monkeys wouldn't stop throwing their poo at me before. Now? Now I feel like I could command all three rings and have the bears on their highest tiptoes while spinning circles in pink tutus. Either that, or I will just feel good and have a happy baby. Although sometimes I feel like the bears may be an easier task.