Alex's shoes really needed to be replaced. They are Lightning McQueen shoes and he wears them every single day. They have little lights in the back and the side of the sole that light up when he walks. Good good. Except when the shoes get worn every single day, the side with the little lights stays all formed, but the other side kinda collapses, so his feet were tilting inward. Since I am fairly certain I am psychologically screwing this kid up, I figured I should get new shoes before I physical screw him up. His feet are still very Flintstone-esque, so finding shoes that aren't too tight ain't easy.
I didn't want him to insist on another pair of the same shoes, so we avoided Target and went to Famous Footwear. This little adventure proved to me that there is yet another facet of parenting where having a girl is easier. There are 2 entire aisles of little girl shoes to choose from. There are 8 pairs of little boys shoes to choose from. No lie. And they all sucked. Off to Target.
Alex immediately saw the Lightning McQueen ones and I was about to give in until they didn't have his size. They had one pair a size too small and one pair two sizes too big. My little Goldilocks tried them both on, deemed them unfit, and then put them back in the boxes. But not correctly. He had one of each size in each box. In an effort to be a friendly Target Team Shopper, I corrected the situation. Hoooooooly shitballs, Goldilocks was NOT cool with that. He threw a complete fit, including throwing each one of the four shoes in opposite directions. Now mind you, this is all while he is wearing a different pair of shoes that he has decided are the best ever and he won't take them off because they make him really fast and "we have to wear them before we can pay for them." He was beside himself about me moving the shoes. I gave up, let him put them how he wanted and we left the shoe section like rockets before anyone could find our little mismatch. Good thing his new shoes made him so fast.
On the way to the check-out, I remembered we really need some new bath towels. Alex was perfectly amused by playing with the largest bath mat I have ever seen, so I was free to take my time making a very easy decision. Didn't matter how much time I had, my dumb ass couldn't decide between two different shades of purple, so I asked my little terror's opinion. According to him, we needed all four. And when I put two back on the shelf, you would have thought I was taking a KitKat right out of his mouth. He freaked out. Such a bad freak out in fact, I had no choice but to leave him laying there in a sad, wailing pile of child and walk away. Which then led to me walking down the main aisle of Target with him trailing about 15 feet behind me, scream-crying, "Maaaaaaaaamammamamaaaaaaaa!" And the second I would turn around to acknowledge him, he would crumple to the floor. I finally won the battle and we were on our way. I offered people places in my Parenting 101 class, but shockingly nobody was interested.
Within 7 minutes of being home, he announced the shoes were not the right ones because I had put them in the wrong box. Now, had it been this pair that brought about The Great Shoebox Debacle of 2012, I would have gotten where he was coming from. But it wasn't. We didn't even buy the ones that were in the wrong boxes. For some reason this turned into another meltdown, but this time I could just put him in his room and not be judged by my fellow Target shoppers. Mariah was lucky enough to witness, but she was nice enough not to judge.
He was excited to show the flippin' shoes to Travis, so I thought we were on the path to freedom from shoe infused meltdowns. As he was showing them to Travis, he said, "These aren't the right ones. Mom put them in the wrong box." I just about lost it. I snatched the shoes out of his grubby little hands and in the calmest voice I could muster, I told him that after he went to bed, I was going to go back to the store and get the ones that were in the right box, that look EXACTLY like these. Aaaand he totally bought it. Didn't even bat an eye when I put them on him this morning.
Pretty sure he is certifiable.
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