Terrifying

I filled out the daycare admission paperwork yesterday with the intention of packing up Alex and heading over to the center, dropping it off and stopping in the infant room to re-meet the teachers and let them have a look at the boy. Apparently I am insane because filling out the paperwork almost made me cry and I totally chickened out on going to the daycare.

I am not really sure what that was all about, but here are some theories I am working on:
1. If I take him to daycare it means I have to work at the office and not at home. Boo.
2. The daycare is not going to be the loving and development promoting place I remember and I am going to have to find a new one.
3. I have him now...and I kinda like him and I am not so sure about this not being with him all day thing.

So I decided yesterday to not stress about it and let myself kick around my issues for a day and make it my goal to get the paperwork there today. The thing is, I know this is a good thing for all of us. I can get back to feeling like a contributing member of society instead of living in questionable attire all day. Travis won't have to constantly reassure me that although I am not "working" I really do have an important job right now. And Alex will be on his way to gaining socialization and development skills that I am not sure I could teach him if I kept him home all the time. Oh and the pesky fact that we cannot afford for me to stay home and not get paid...details.

But then my really rational imagination takes over. And all I can see when I picture the infant room at the daycare is screaming dirty babies and chain smoking teachers all splitting a plastic handle of Siberian Ice vodka and glaring at the babies. Yes yes that must be what happens when the parents leave and the teachers are alone. I just haven't figured out how they have managed to hide their horrible scheme and stay in business longer than I have been alive. They sure are tricky those nasty people who care for tiny children for a living.

Once again, there is a part of my brain that will win over the ridiculous part of my brain. Hopefully it will be before I have to leave my sweet boy with the evil drunken teachers.