Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Top 20%

I was greeted with horribly disappointed looks from Alex's teachers yesterday when I arrived to pick him up.  That's always a great feeling...when you can tell from people's expressions that your kid was a total asshole once again.  If I don't see the disappointed faces, I can usually tell how his day was based on how he greets me.  If I get a huge smile while he's running toward me yelling "MOMMY!", he's been a jerk all day.  He knows damn well I'm gonna need to be buttered up before hearing about his behavior to ensure I don't beat him.  Which is another great feeling...knowing that at the tender age of 3, your child is honing his emotional manipulation skills.

Anyway, yesterday he didn't get the chance to butter me up; I saw his teachers first.  He did get to be there while his one teacher explained the new thing she has come up with for him and only one other kid in his class.  The other 11 kids?  They don't get to participate in the special listening star chart dealymabobber.  Why?  Because THEY ARE NOT ASSHOLES.  So, basically, Alex and one other kid have "Listening Charts."  Every day they do a good job listening, they get a sticker.  If they collect a sticker on 4 or 5 of the days, they get to pick a toy from a treasure chest which is filled with small toys his teacher went out and spent her own money on to have trinkets to bribe my child into not being such a jerk every day.  Feelin' like a kick-ass parent...ooooooh yeeeeeeah.

When we got into the car, I was so distraught, all I could do was tell Alex I was very disappointed and upset by his behavior.  He answered with silence.  Until he wanted some animal crackers.  At which point he became the sweetest most well mannered child on the face of the planet.  Weird.

Seriously, last night was a rough night.  I had such a mix of What am I doing wrong? Am I the only one that doesn't think my kid's a jerk?  When will this cold go away for the love of snot?!?  I couldn't shake the feeling of failure and embarrassment.  Nobody wants to be the mom of that kid.  Yet, there I sat...raising him.  After a lot of thinking about it, and talking about it, and thinking about it some more, I decided to just stop obsessing and dive into a book.  For 109 pages.

This morning started out great until we had to leave.  Shocking based on every other morning the past month.  After a fit and a half and a chocolate chip waffle, he and I were back on good terms.  So I decided to start planting the seeds of good behavior in his little brain.  That's how this works right?  I only have to teach him through the power of suggestion?  Good good.

I asked him if he knew what a goal was.  He didn't, so I explained it and then gave the example of, "I am going to make it my goal to have a fun day at work today."  Then I asked him what he thought his goal should be today.  "Ummm....to not hit anybody."  I acknowledged that was a good goal and asked he could think of any more goals.  "Ummmm....to not punch anybody."  Again, a good goal, but I think we've already covered that.  We finally got to him saying that his two goals for the day were to keep his hands to himself and to listen to his teachers.  After a little while, I asked him to tell me again what the goals were..."Your goal is to have a good day at work and not punch anyone."

He also told me if anyone hit his dog, he would be very disappointed and upset.  So, you know, successful teaching moment top to bottom.

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