Don't blink, you'll miss the clean.

This weekend I realized I couldn't remember the last time I washed the kitchen floor.  I realized this as I was noticing a dried up, now part of the floor, piece of lettuce from the boy's taco adventure three days prior.  We aren't going to talk about the pink-orange slime I had been successfully ignoring in the tub for a couple or four days.

A trip to the grocery store was also needed.  Alex announced he wanted to stay with me, which obviously wasn't going to work.  I tried to explain a zillion different ways why it would be awful to stay home with me and as glorious as riding a rainbow on a unicorn to go with Travis to the grocery store.  Didn't matter.  So we finally decided that we would race.  We would see if they could get done with the grocery store before I could get done cleaning THE ENTIRE HOUSE.  Fair?  No.  Successful at getting the boy out of the house? You bet your sweet bippy.

They walked out the door, I cranked some 80's and the race was on.  I was a cleaning tornado and was just about done de-sliming the bathtub when they got home and joyfully announced they beat me.  Congratulations!  You two managed to get 4 bags of food faster than I cleaned the whole downstairs.  Yee.  Haw.  Never have I been more impressed.  My poor sportsmanship aside, the house was shining and sparkly and the cupboards were full.  Happy happy joy joy.

About 86 minutes later, the beast child had to pee.  About 52% of the time, he wants to stand up.  Awwwwesome.  This kid can manage to pee between the seat and bowl and get pee all over the wall, me, and his pants, WHILE HE IS SITTING DOWN.  So, yeah, I am not excited about the standing up thing.  The toilet was clean for 86 minutes.  At minute 87?  Urine waterfall.

Then we ate dinner.  Before I could swallow my third bite, the floor under Alex's chair was piling up with rice, peas and corn that juuuuuust didn't make it into his mouth.  And it was at that moment I decided I am never cleaning again and we are just going to have to learn to deal with living like pig people.  I'm cool with it.