Who's got the caffiene?

The amount of tired I am today is close to indescribable. But here we go anyway.

I went to bed at 11:00pm last night because of yucky circumstances beyond my control. Alex woke up at 12:30am to be fed. Fed him, changed him, and went back to sleep around 1:00am. Alex then woke up again at 3:30am. Not because he was hungry, but apparently because he wanted to sleep snuggled up with someone gently patting his butt. Because really, why not? Seriously, pretty much every time I stopped patting because I was, by the mercy of all things powerful, actually falling asleep in that recliner that I have grown to loathe, he would squirm, whimper, and toss his head around. Until the patting resumed. Then he would peacefully put his little hairy noggin back on my shoulder and get back to sleeping. This little dance carried on for an hour. And then, just for grins, he really woke up because he was hungry. Ok. Fine. You're hungry. Let's get you fed and back to bed SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP! What's that? You want to take exponentially longer to eat because you would like to multitask and poop at the same time? Sweet. Great idea. I couldn't think of a better plan...except, oh I don't know....EAT FASTER SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP! No? You'd rather poop? Awesome. At 5:15 Travis took him downstairs, I got back in bed, my alarm went off at 5:30. Yipee fucking skipee.

This whole having to get up at night was a lot easier when I didn't have to work. Who's going to win the lottery and give me a healthy portion of their winnings? ... That's what I thought. Damn.

I am working on choreographing an "Alex Sleeps Through The Night" dance. It's kinda like a Rain Dance. You will all be getting your dance step instructions soon. Get your blue suede shoes ready, Mommy needs some sleep.

Give me more giggles!

I've said it before, but it is worth saying again. This kid's giggles are as addictive as crack. By the end of each workday, I find myself itching to get him from daycare and immediately do anything I can to get my fix. It's a good thing he is pretty good about giving them up, or you would find me in a corner rocking back and forth making funny faces at the wall.

This past weekend we visited Travis's brother and his family. My sister-in-law loves babies more than anyone I have ever met. Hands down. And she can make them laugh like nobody's business. She had Alex laughing so hard, his cousin was worried that he wasn't breathing. I swear I do the same things she does, but I only get about 42% of the reaction she gets. That woman has got skills.

There are no defenses to this giggle. It renders you useless. It melts your heart into a puddle of warm gooeyness. The silly toothless grin that accompanies the giggle doesn't hurt either.

Proved me wrong again.

So yesterday I was all worked up about not doing the right things to help Alex develop mentally and physically like he is supposed to. Then I picked him from daycare.

The daycare teacher asked me how often we do tummy time with him. I sheepishly admitted not very often and then quickly rattled off multiple reasons to justify why she shouldn't be disappointed in me. See yesterday's post for said justification reasons. She looked surprised that we don't do it very often, so I asked why she was wondering. This is what she told me:

"I put him on his tummy and he stayed there for a bit and then he rolled over. So I put him backed on his tummy and he rolled over again, but to the other side. He kept doing it for about 20 minutes!"

Did you see that? HE ROLLED OVER! BOTH WAYS!

My look of shock when she told me this immediately let her know I had not witnessed it so she suggested I put him down on his tummy and see what happens. And sure as shit, after about 32 seconds on his tummy, he rolled right over. He did it with such ease it was like he has been doing this for weeks. Now I know why he is un-swaddled every morning. He is in his crib secretly practicing rolling over.

Obviously I am super happy about this new development. I felt so relieved that he is normal! How silly is that? Like I can't tell that he is normal by our interactions everyday. I mean normal developmentally. This kid has no shot at not being a weirdee with me and his dad and our friends being around. Anyway, I am also having a few conflicting emotions. Shocking, I know.

I am a little sad I wasn't the one to see him roll over for the first time. It kinda drove the point home that he is at daycare a lot and I am going to have to get used to them witnessing a lot of his "firsts". I mean I get to see him do it whenever I am with him, but I didn't get to see the first one.

On the other hand, I am once again elated we found this daycare. It is so nice to know that they aren't just plopping him in a swing all day and stuffing a bottle in his mouth when he is hungry. They actually do stuff with him to help him grow. The Rolling Over Incident isn't the only time I have noticed this. The other day I came to get him and he was sitting up in a Bumbo, just chillin', watching the other baby that was there. We have one, I just haven't busted it out yet. Guess what is getting busted out? It will be nice to not always have him reclined or laying down if I am not holding him. Which I realize means I have to not hold him so much.

Now if they could just figure out how to get him to sleep longer throughout the night. Geez!

What's right?

Is it just me, or does every new mom feel like they are not doing things right? I crave to hear what other babies Alex's age are accomplishing, but then worry that he is not doing it as well as the other kids. I can't let go of the feeling that I am not doing this right and he is going to suffer because his mom is a bumbling idiot.

I was thinking this feeling was coming from the mom board thing so I started paying attention to when the kids were born since most mom's list their kid's birth date. But that still doesn't settle my brain. I don't know why I can't just be satisfied that he is healthy, eating well, obviously learning things as we go, and happy. I am happy with those things, I am just worried that I am doing things or not doing things that are holding him back. It's almost like I feel competitive with the other moms and their kids. Although it's not a feeling of wanting him to be better than the other kids, it's more of wanting constant assurance that he is on par with the other kids. I'm not going crazy, why would you say I am going crazy? This is a totally rational way to think. Right? Right?

I think a lot of my problem with this is that I feel like I don't have enough time in each day to do the things you are supposed to do. Like tummy time for example. I want to do tummy time, but I am not going to put him on his stomach and walk away. But if I am sitting right there, I can't make dinner or do the laundry or get his bath ready or wash bottles or blah blah blah. So where do you make those choices?

Last night he was sleepy, but was fighting it, so I decided to rock him and read to him. But I was really not in the mood for Farm Babies or anything of the sort. I really want to read this book Mariah lent me. It's called Lovely Bones. It is very well written, but very sad. And totally inappropriate to be reading aloud to a baby. But that apparently is the mom that I am...I read a book about murder to my baby. Nice. But I figured at this point, he doesn't really understand the words...And they do say it is important to read to your baby. Done and done. For one day. Tonight we will read about Farm Babies. I promise.

Stinky

It's official. He is for sure my kid. He already thinks poop and fart jokes are funny. No matter how I say it, every time I tell him he is stinky, it cracks him up. Even if I am just telling him in a very matter of fact manner. He stills grins as wide as he can and contorts his body into a pretzel while doing the throaty, spit gurgling giggle he's got goin' on.

This morning was no exception. I was almost late to work because I sat there for at least 15 minutes telling him was the Stinkiest of all the Stinky boys in Stinkertown. And he thought it was the funniest thing he has ever heard.

It was a good thing for my ego that he found me amusing this morning after the shoot down he delivered yesterday. I went to pick him up from daycare and the teacher that was there said he was smiley all day. She had been gone for about a week and she said he even seemed happy to see her, almost as if he had missed her. Which was interesting since I couldn't get him to smile at me for anything. I could have told him there was a brand new package of golden fleece diapers just for him and he would have continued to stare at me like he has never seen me in his short little life. Super great feeling when your 3 month old baby is more amused with a daycare teacher than his mom. Little snot.

Settling in

I feel like nothing is changing anymore. We have settled into a routine, kinda, and we're plugging away each day. The thing is, Alex changes pretty much every day. Each day he gets a little bigger, giggles a little more, sits up a little stronger. So why don't I feel like things are constantly changing? I don't know if it's just that the changes aren't quite as monumental as completely upending your life by bringing home a critter that is completely and utterly dependant on you for everything. Or if it's just that I am getting used to having life in a constant state of flux. Perhaps it is just that I am too damn tired to be so concerned about things not staying the same. Whatever the reason, it is nice to not feel so out of control. There are still a lot times that I have no idea what this kid wants, but eventually we can figure it out.

Watching him learn is awesome. He has found his feet a couple times. You would think once you have found your feet, you would remember they are there. Not so much. Every time he sees them he stops and just stares. It's hilarious.

He is also getting the idea of imitating noises and actions. So when I wag my tongue out of my face at him making silly noises so he will laugh, he immediately starts poking his tongue out of his mouth. And when I make an "oooo" noise at him, he coos back and then giggles and flails about with glee and pride that he figured it out. I think we may amuse each other for quite some time.

More babies

My sister is having a baby. Like right now as I type. I have been getting status reports throughout the day. Which each report things are obviously progressing. At the time of the last report, they had broken her water and her contractions were getting pretty serious.

Just the thought of that feeling kinda makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if I am just a wus, but I am not one of those people who "forgot" what labor felt like. It hurt. A lot. And once it was time to actually get the kid out, it was hard. However by that point I had taken advantage of pain medication so it didn't hurt anymore, but it was no walk in the park. Having my mom describe the look on my sister's face immediately brought me back to the hospital room and that very long day. The leaking, the sweating, the neverending onslaught of contractions feeling like my spine was separating from my body. Childbirth is no joke.

On to the better thoughts. It's pretty cool that Alex is going to have a cousin so close in age. I have four cousins. Total. And none of them live all that close. So the whole cousins growing up together thing never really was a big deal for me. Alex already has 8, not counting the one being born right now. I am super pumped to watch those relationships form and for him to have cousins to look up to and to grow up with.

Hurry up Baby Guerin #2. Your cousins are waiting!