Fear. It sucks.

I absolutely hate being scared. I don't like scary movies. I don't like scary costumes or masks. I don't find it amusing when people intentionally startle me. I have learned that the easier you startle, the funnier the mean asshole people that like to scare people think it is when they do scare you. Jerks. Being scared is just all around a gross feeling.

An even grosser feeling though? Seeing a scared kid. It is horrible. A new little girl started at daycare yesterday. She has never been to any daycare before. At first, while her dad was talking to the teachers, she was doing great. She walked right in and immediately started playing. Her dad said good-bye and she was fine. And then about 11 seconds after he left, she realized she was in a room with 5 kids and 4 adults she had never seen before. The terror on her face was heartbreaking. And then the inconsolable crying. As I stood there watching this unfold, I could feel the fear in her. The horror of not knowing what is going on around you. The giant writhing knot in your stomach telling you nothing is going to be ok ever again. Of course we all knew everything was going to be fine and she would eventually realize she was in a safe and fun place, but I felt so bad for her.

And wanna take a stab at what's an even grosser feeling still? Yep. Your own kid scared like that. We live really, ear-splittingly, window-shakingly close to the Madison airport. Normally the planes flying in and out aren't too bad. However, our Madison airport doubles as a military airport. Fighter jets are not quiet. I can't even think of a word so far the opposite of quiet that could accurately explain how loud these planes are. For a frame of reference, when the fighter jets are coming in for landing, we are close enough to the airport that the jets are low enough that we can SEE THE PILOT'S HELMET. And what does that spell? L-O-U-D.

So yesterday, Alex and I were walking around outside when we got home, playing with the dog and getting the mail. Since it's getting close to winter and we are in Wisconsin and this time of year sucks, it was pretty much dark outside aside from the street lights. Alex was just on the other side of a shrub and I heard it. A jet taking off. And its take-off path was directly over our house. By the time I got to Alex, the noise from the plane was so loud I couldn't hear him screaming. But his flailing arms, stomping feet, and the gut wrenchingly scared look on his face all were shouting, "I don't know what's happening and I am SUPER SCARED!!!"

I scooped him up and tried to tell him it was ok. He was crying and holding on to me super tightly, with his face buried in my neck. He calmed down pretty quickly after the jet had gotten far enough away it wasn't busting our eardrums. But the pit in my stomach hung out for a bit.

Long story long, being scared is horrible. The end.