He got me. Sam was sitting on my lap and grabbed a small paper bag while I was trying to accomplish a small task. What could a small paper bag hurt, right? He flailed it around a bit and then was just turning it over in his hands, so I focused on my task. Until I noticed he was chewing on the bag.
I took it from him, but he clearly had a small piece of paper in his mouth that he was pushing around with his tongue. I got it out and carried on. I mistakenly thought he only had one piece in there. I was quickly proven wrong when the child that cannot have a puff in his mouth without gagging, gagged on a different minuscule piece of paper. And then he gagged again. And then he puked in my shirt. No, that was not a typo. He didn't puke on my shirt. He puked in my shirt. His whole dinner was now plastered to my chest and flowing like a gross warm hidden river under my top. Plus side? There wasn't any puke on the floor to clean up. Oh thank goodness.
I was trying my best to not overreact, and just kept repeating "It's ok, it's ok, it's ok" in an attempt to simultaneously calm the now crying Sam and my lurching stomach. But then I saw Alex and Travis's faces. Alex's was one of shock and concern. Shock over how much just came out of his brother and concern if I was ok. Travis's was one of sheer amazement and then sympathy.
He immediately proclaimed, "Hoooooooooooo! That's just....wow....ummmm...I'm not sure how to help you here. Wow, that is terrible. Uhhhh, do you want to take a shower?" Hmmmm, YA THINK?
After I stripped the nasty baby of his clothes that were saturated with puke because why wouldn't he lay himself on me immediately following puking all over me, I headed to the bathroom to clean myself up. So. Much. Puke. I heard Alex asking what made him throw up at the exact moment I found the vomit covered teeny shred of paper bag that was the culprit, and I just yelled out, "FOUND IT." 100% sure I heard Travis and Alex gag at the same time.
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