Falling apart

I am physically falling apart.  On Labor Day, I ended up in urgent care because of crazy intense pain in the back of my left arm and half of my left hand being numb.  A while back, I fell asleep in a chair with Sam and when I woke up, I was all, "Huh...I guess I have a pinched nerve or somthing."  It didn't hurt, but my pinky and ring finger on my left hand were tingly.  And they stayed that way off and on the past two months.  Now we're back to Labor Day.  Yeah...not just the tinglies anymore.  So. Much. Pain.  The urgent care doc feels around in my back/shoulder and determines I have a big ol' knot in my back that is pushing on a nerve.  I know of said knot, so this makes sense.  She prescribes pain patches to put on my back and some muscle relaxers.  Sounds 'bout right.  Until none of that is doing anything and I am spending more time moaning in pain while holding my arm than any other activity.

So back to the doc I go on Thursday, and after he pushes on my head a couple times while I summon every bit of strength I have not to punch him in the face, he determines we might be dealing with a bulging disc that is pushing on a nerve.  Lamesauce.  So he prescribes a myriad of other medication, takes me off the pain patches and muscle relaxers, and sends me to physical therapy.  Physical therapist pokes and prods around and sends me home with directions on how to sleep with, no joke, an arrangement of 6 different pillows, and an at home, over the door, neck traction kit.  What does that look like you ask?  I'm so glad you asked.  I cannot not share the hotness of this thing I have to load myself into.


What's that behind the lovely model in a "head halter?"  Why that's the water bag you fill up with different amounts of water to attain the proper poundage to pull your head off your body.  Do you think the bangs and perm will help with a speedy recovery?

I do have to admit that when the physical therapist pulled my head up to simulate what the traction kit will do, it felt amazing and I asked him to do that forever.  Alas, as soon as he let go, the pain came back and, FUN STUFF, was worse.  And that's when he reminded me that the pain is most likely going to get worse again before it gets better.  That we have to focus on the furthest symptom, the numbness, first and we will "accept some complaining of the muscles closer to the source."  Ummmm...I don't remember signing on to accept any complaining.  That complaining had stopped before you went all Dr. Frankenstein on me.  Can you tell the pain is back today?  Back with a vengeance.  Like I swear this pain took some lessons from Bruce Willis or some shit.

Aaaaanyway, so I gots this shoulder/back/arm thing goin' on and I have to have some stupid yucky Basal Cell skin cells scraped off of my face on Friday.  So when the physical therapist told me he wants to see me again either Thursday or Friday, I had to tell him that it had to be Thursday because I am having a MOHS surgery on Friday.  He just kinda looked at me funny, so I said, "Yeah, I'm a hot mess right now and have a lot goin' on.  I'll see ya on Thursday!"  And I didn't even bring up that I wouldn't be able to see him next Tuesday if needed, because I have an ultrasound to keep an eye on some cyst we found when I was knocked up.  I'll say it again.  Hot. Mess.

And all of this was truly driven home when I had to call the dermatologist to make sure I can stay on the three different medications I'm on for my back and still have the MOHS dealimabobber on Friday.

I take 7 pills every morning.  I am 36 years old.  This is ridiculous.