Up up and away!

Travis surprised me...biiiiiiig time. He secretly planned a trip to California for our anniversary. We leave on Friday morning. He planned more than he has planned since I don't know when. He talked to my boss, daycare, his parents, my parents and my sister and got everything taken care of. All I have to do is pack. I am excited.

We went last year at this time too. And our return marked both Kari and Mariah's breaking point of observing my general demeanor without intervention. So they each gently told me I needed to face the fact that something was not right in my brains and I should talk to someone. So I did. And I am better. And the anticipation of this trip is further proof that I am better.

Last year, I couldn't wait to go. I couldn't wait for a break, for time away from my life. And once I left, I didn't want to come back. I remember exactly how horrible it felt when I got out of the car at my parents' house and saw Alex's sweet face looking through the window at us, and I wasn't excited. I wasn't even close to excited. I couldn't even tell if I had missed him. It was an incredibly scary and dark moment for me.

But! Fast forward a year and a bunch of the right medicine and here we are. And I am excited to go. I can't wait to go. But I really don't want to leave my son. I really don't want to be away from him for 5 days. It makes my chest tight with anxiety when I think about it. I know he is going to be fine and is going to have fun with his grandparents, but I am gonna miss the little snot.