Healthy?

Pretty sure the amount of feta I put on my salad completely negates any nutritional value the salad once had.  Whatever.  There was an annoying amount of feta left.  Too little to leave in the fridge without being dumb.  Too much to keep any salad dignity in tact.  Far be it from me to leave something annoying in the fridge.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Alex launched into full asshole mode yesterday when I went to retrieve him from the neighbor's house because it was time for dinner.  He had decided he was not done playing, and for some reason, he thought that had any bearing whatsoever on whether he was required to listen to me or not.

After a whole bunch of sass, he straight up got on his bike, drove it to the middle of the street, summoned up every ounce of disrespectful attitude in his little body, and announced he wasn't coming with me.  Things went downhill real quick like from there.

I resorted to grabbing the handlebars of his bike and pulling him along with me.  And at this point, he apparently didn't think he was in enough trouble, because he started to snottily shout pout at me that he was going to follow me and that I didn't need to pull his bike and that I was going to knock him over.  I was done with quietly reprimanding him at this point and loudly dared him to talk to me like that again.  Extra points to me for mature parenting.

So there I was, on fire with anger, sweating, pushing a stroller with my left hand, pulling an almost 6 year old on his bike while he drags his feet on the ground with my right hand, and daring him to be rude to me again.  And at that moment, a relative of a different neighbor that happened to be lucky enough to be outside to witness this debacle, shouted out, "Oooooohhhhhh...You're in BIG trouble!"  Bitch, do you think you're helping here?  Shut.  Up.  This does not concern you.  And even if it did; that's the input you chose to add to the situation?  Thanks.

After a very long time in his room, Alex sheepishly came down to the dinner table and apologized to me.  I accepted his apology, but I was clearly still mad/disappointed/embarrassed.  He was very sweet and respectful throughout dinner, and then asked if he could take a bath.  While in the bath, he says, "Mom, I don't think I have the right to take a bath."  What.  I asked him to explain that.  "I don't think I have the right to take a bath because of how I treated you.  And?  I don't think I should be allowed to ride the dirt bike."  He was pullin' out all the stops!

I assured him that he always has the chance to make things better and that we will just move forward from here and make sure to be respectful of each other.  Good gravy this kid is somethin'.

Pullin' on my Heart...errr...Shoe Strings

This baby.  He loves loves LOVES my shoelaces.  Please excuse the fuzziness of the picture...I was grabbing a quick shot and then rushing to make dinner while he was entertained.  Turns out I didn't have to rush, he played with that shoe for a half hour.

Shake Shake Shake

Sam is borderline obsessed with anything that makes noise when you shake it.  Totally weird for a baby right?  Anywho, I found a souvenir tambourine I bought for Alex when I was in Nashville, and Sam couldn't have been happier.

I think the crossed eyes are from concentrating on using the correct tambourine form.  Yeah, yeah...that's it....he's not going cross-eyed from chewing on the most likely toxic plastic used to make that gem of a souvenir, no way.

Not Quite the Noble Gas

Sam was home sick yesterday.  He has an ear infection, which isn't contagious so he would have been fine to be at daycare, but he decided to barf everywhere and have juuuuuuuust enough fever to send him home for 24 hours.  Alex hasn't been 100%, but he is no where near staying home sick.  He's the kind of sick where you don't feel super great while you're waking up, but as soon as you get going everything is ok.  At bedtime last night, he showed that he was a little jealous that Sam got to stay home...

Alex:  I'm not going to make it.
Me:  You feelin' alright?
Alex:  No.  My chest hurts.  Like when I breathe in, it hurts.  I think I know why.
Me:  Do tell.
Alex:  My chest hurts when I breathe in because my lungs hurt and my lungs hurt because I'm not getting enough helium.  I really think I need to spend more time outside to make sure I'm getting enough good helium.
Me:  You mean oxygen?
Alex:  Yes.  Oxygen.  I need more good oxygen.

Forgotten Loss

I don't know what you're talking about...Of course I didn't clean out Bingo Zingo Fast's tank while Alex was at school and then put it in the basement in an attempt to have Alex to forget about getting new fish to replace Bingo Zingo Fast.  Only a monster that was so f'ing sick of cleaning a fish tank would do such a thing.

Whatever, I have left that tank with no fish in it on his dresser for over week since Bingo Zingo Fast died.  The first day, he asked if we could get some new fish and I said yes.  But then he didn't ask about it again, and I was not about to bring it up.  I am perfectly happy being fish-less for a bit.  And yes, if he notices the tank is gone and asks to get new fish, you know damn well we are going to get new fish.  Just let me enjoy this break from algae alright?

Blasphemy!

Salad dressing containers without the smaller pour spout should be outlawed.  They put a smaller pour spout (aka - a fun stopper) on my giant bottle of vodka, so why can't they do the same for all salad dressings?  Outrageous.