Still Here

 We're still here.  It's been a looooong time.  But man, life is hard right now and hard in ways that writing it down just ain't cuttin' it to ease things.  We'll get through.  

A result of ::life:: right now is that Sam is back to not being able to sleep unless he is touching me.  And while I love his snuggles, sleeping next to a human that spins like a propeller in his sleep is not conducive to getting any rest.  This was last night's conversation after books and while he was supposed to be trying to go to sleep:

Sam:  Hey Mom, what do you want to be when you fully grow up.

Me:  I'm not sure buddy.  I really like being a mom and I think I would like to do something that helps people.  Please lay down and close your eyes.

Sam:  Oooo!  You could be an ambulance worker.  They help people!  You just have to make sure you sign your name when you get there so they know you're part of the crew.  Make sure you sign your name.

Me:  Yes, ambulance workers do help people a lot.  Please lay down and close your eyes.

Sam:  But I can't see anything when I close my eyes.

~two beats of silence~

Sam:  Hey Mom, do alligators stay up at night?

Me:  Ummm, no I don't think so.  I think they hunt during the day and sleep at night...like you should be doing.  Please lay down and close your eyes.

Sam:  But if it gets really hot during the day, I bet they'll just rest in the water.

~two beats of silence~

Sam:  Hey Mom, what would you do if you were a robot?

Me:  What?!  I don't...I mean...I guess robot..stuff?

Sam:  I would do robot dance moves.  Wanna see my robot dance moves?

Me:  You showed them to me earlier and they were lovely.  Please lay down and close your eyes.

~two beats of silence~

Sam:  Hey Mom, you're the best mom that ever did mom.  I love you, Mama.

Me:  And you're the best Sam that ever did Sam.  I love you too, buddy.  Now please lay down and close your eyes.

Sam:  Wanna see my blankets wrestle?!

Me:  SAM!

Picture Time!

 "Hey Mom!  Take a picture of us!"

Sooomebody found the Pikachu costume given to us by his cousin...

And lastly, our pumpkins this year.  We let Alex actually do his own carving for the first time instead of drawing what he wanted and then having one of us carve it out.  He is quite proud of his unibrow jack-o-latern.  Travis went with a standard jack-o-lantern.  And then there's Sam.  I told him he could draw what he wanted and I would carve it for him.  He drew me, Lulu, and himself going for a walk.  I did the best I could.  He was thrilled with it until he decided he goofed up Lulu's ears (which, like, not by much...bish has HUGE ears.)  So we agreed we could pretend we were going for a spooky Halloween walk and ran into a bat.

Immaturity Strikes Again

 Alex thinks it is hilarious to fart near me as any 11 year old would.  He came over to my desk during a break from virtual school this morning to "give me a hug."  I was immediately treated to a ripper and subsequently a close-to-hyperventilating laughing kid when my window was locked.

Fast forward to present.  I felt a rumbling in my stomach and as I was about to get up to go to the bathroom, I heard Alex coming down from his bedroom/desk to ask me something.  So instead of getting up, I farted right in my chair whilst cackling to myself picturing him sauntering up to my desk to ask whatever ridiculous thing he was going to ask.  

And justice was swift for my immaturity; he yelled his question to me from the top of the stairs.  So here I sit, in my own stink, joke foiled.

1st vs. 2nd Born

 As my mom said:

There are some boys that like to look put together, hair in place, and simply handsome:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then there are other boys:

Hey There

 "Hey Jackie!  Where've you been?  Whatcha been up to?"

This:

Not pictured?

-2&1/2 months of virtual learning that is starting back up in a little over 2 weeks.

-The other beast child that is FULL ON preteen.

-The dog that has decided exploring the neighborhood is her new favorite hobby...right after her other fav activity of jump-running at anyone walking on our sidewalk like she's a cracked out gazelle.

-My sanity.  Because it's gone.  It packed up and moved on outta here a long time ago.

Those Meddling Kids Will Fix It!

Sam is currently watching a Scooby Doo episode in which the bad guy is called the "Phantom Virus."  He came running into the kitchen and exclamined, "MOM!  I figured it out!  The Phantom Virus is responisible for all of this!  He must have electric sensors all over town that give people the corona virus when they go near the sensors!"

Now if we could just get Fred to set a trap...

The Lazy! It Burns!

Alex just went upstairs from his video game playing/youtube watching lounging couch to make himself something to eat for lunch.

Alex:  MoooOOOooom!!  Do we have any peanut butter?

(Dear reader, the empty container of peanut butter is sitting on the counter he is standing in front of with a grocery list next to it, including "peanut butter.")

Me:  No, but I have it on the list.  Sorry!

Alex (not at me, but loudly):  Oh come ON!  I can't have chili and now I can't have a peanut butter and jelly?  What am I supposed to have for lunch?!?

Me:  Why can't you have chili?

Alex:  There aren't any clean bowls!

Me (after a moment of shocked silence):  Either warm it up in the Tupperware or, oh I don't know, CLEAN A BOWL INSTEAD OF BEING A SPAZ ABOUT IT!

Maybe some home economics should be part of today's homeschool lession.

Lesson Not Learned

"Uuuugggghhhh!  This play dough is so UGLY!"

"Well, when you make a play dough creations with different colors, try to take the colors apart before smooshing them back into the can."

"Oh!  Ok!  ...  Mom!  Look, I flattened my red and white dragon into a road!!"

Melting My Exhausted Heart

Sam took a nap yesterday because he hadn't slept well the night before.  As you can imagine, he was no where near tired at bed time.  I finally convinced him to go to bed at 10:30, and agreed to lay with him.  And he talked and fidgeted and snuggled and made up games and asked questions until 12:15.  I was really close to losing my patience when he asked, "Mama?  What does 'often' mean?"  "A lot."  "No, what does 'often' mean?"  "It means a lot or frequently."  ...  ...  "Oh.  Mama?  I think we should be together more oftenly."

Another Day in Paradise

So yeah, homeschooling is going really well today...

That right there is a full on no look body pout because school work is the WOOOORRRRSSSTTTT.

I Feel Personally Attacked

What demon from the underworld taught this child to eat a taco like this?!

F this Virus

I miss my family.  I want to feel safe again.  Pink hair helps.  10/10 would recommend.

Art?

Turns out Kindergarten can be pretty sweet.  Pants are optional and we built robots in what we're calling art class today.

That's Fun to Say

Sam was playing in the living room while I was cleaning up the kitchen and he just kept repeating the word "limestone."

Sam:  Limestone.  Limestone.  Limestone.
Me:  Why do you keep saying that?
Sam:  Limestone.  It's a type of rock!
Me:  Yes, I'm aware.  But I'm asking why you keep repeating it.
Sam:  Oh.  I didn't know you would know that Mama!  Limestone.  Limestone.  Limestone.  Limestone.
Me:  Sam.  Why do you keep repeating the word "limestone?"
Sam:  Because it's super fun to say.  Liiiiimestone!

I fear he has gone full Buddy the Elf.

Yes!

As I said, we made gross looking cookies the other day.  The best part?  I had to run down to my desk to answer a call, and left the two crazies upstairs with the cookie dough.  I came back up to find them both grinning ear to ear.  When I asked what was going on, Sam said, "We tried really hard to not sneak some of the coookie dough Mom, but it was just too doughlicious!"  I refuse to apologize for how proud I am of him and his blossoming pun skills.

Aspirations

Don't mind Sam...he's just over here workin' on his Bo Duke hair.

Day 11

I fear I have exhausted my ideas to keep them busy by doing not one but TWO activities today outside of normal playing and school work.  We made chocolate chip cookies; Sam's were dyed green and Alex's were dyed blue.  They look as digusting as you imagine.  We also did some chalk shape coloring with painter's tape on the driveway.  Turned out pretty cool.

Day 10

Today marks the 10th day since these fools have been in a classroom.  And as many days that we have been socially distancing.  Martial law is slowly taking over.  Underwear is the only acceptable clothing option.  Blankets are used for any sort of required warmth.  Haircuts are a thing of the past.  And then this:

"HA!  If I farted like this?...Alex would have a toot in his face!"

Laundry Lessons

Alex is good about helping with the laundry.  But, every time he puts clothes in the dryer, he puts in like 7 dryer sheets.  I know I know, I should be using wool dryer balls.  I don't.  I like the smell of Bounce sheets and I cannot get Travis on board with dryer balls.  Which is weird seeing as though this is something I thought would be right up his alley.  I mean, he is the the guy that just bought 4 sets of reusable produce bags.  Four.  Each set has 10 bags.  Suddenly, I'm like the Oprah of produce bags.  You get a set of produce bags!  And you get a set!  And YOU get a set of bags!  But that's it because we actually want a set too.  I'm not a very good Oprah.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, dryer sheets.  So last night I asked Alex to change over the laundry, or as it was called in our house growing up, "Washer dryer dryer washer!"  I reminded him to only use ONE dryer sheet.  And that's when he let the cat out of the bag.  "But Mom, if I only use one, how are the clothes going to get dry?!"  Well, that explains it.  So, yesterday, Alex was 10 years old when he learned that dryer sheets are used to keep clothes soft and wrinkle free and not to expedite the drying process, and instead that process is facilitated by, you know, the DRYER.

Flow

This kid's got curls for daaaaaaaaaaaaaays.