We are still steadily meeting our neighbors as everyone crawls out from the depths of their winter bunkers. We found out a while ago that a person Travis worked with about 10 years ago lives across the street. And she has a little girl a couple months older than Alex. Perfecto!
The other day I was talking to this nice lady and she asked if she could borrow our lawn mower as they just realized theirs needs repairs and being spring and all, the repair shop is about 3 weeks behind. Of course you can! That is a very neighborly thing to do! We can be friendly! I mean, let's not jump the gun and think we're gonna be besties right away, but let's be friendly in a normal neighborly way! So a couple days later she and her daughter came over to borrow the mower. The little girl asked if Alex wanted to come play while her mom was mowing the lawn. And then the mom said the most glorious thing to me. "They're just gonna play outside while I mow, so I can keep an eye on them if you've got some stuff to get done or you just want to relax for about 45 minutes." Ho-ly shit. Yes. Yes I do. You know what I have to do? I have to pee like a thousand times without having to simultaneously shout that I'll be right there to see how cool something is. And I have to fold some laundry without anyone "helping" me. And I have to sit. Just sit. Forget what I said about being besties. You're stuck with me now. I took her up on her offer and down the sidewalk they went.
After I bit, I strapped the leash on the dog and headed over to see how things were going. She was still working on the lawn, so I hung out with the kids. When she was done, we all were in the front of the house and the kids were creating chalk masterpieces on the driveway. Well, her daughter was. Alex drew what he claimed was a monster truck with 9 different horns and then took to zooming down the driveway on a baby scooter and crashing in the grass.
After about a dozen trips down the driveway, Alex took off for the backyard. I didn't think too much of it as there is a play set and trampoline back there. But as I watched him run around the back of the house, I saw Travis pull into the driveway. So I yelled to Alex that it was time to go home because Daddy was home. No answer. So I yelled again. No answer. So, nice neighbor lady, the dog, and I went around to the back of the house. Me to collect my child; her to grab the lawn mower. And that's when Alex came around the side of the house...buttoning his pants.
I immediately asked what he was doing and with a non-chalant answer of "I was going potty," I was instantly mortified. Nice neighbor lady just laughed as I was scrambling to apologize while scolding my pee monster for turning her yard into his own personal urinal. She carried on to the retrieve the lawn mower and I looked at Alex and was like, "DUDE. You cannot pee in people's yards." And that's when I was slapped in the face with the reality of what mortified really feels like.
"I pooped, too."
"What. No you didn't."
"Yes I did...right next to where I went potty."
"I'm not sure I believe you. But we're leaving and will talk about this when we get home."
And after a bit more of conversation, he confirmed that he in fact POOPED IN THE NEIGHBOR'S YARD because he "really had to go." Oh! You really had to go? Well then that makes perfect sense as to why you didn't ask to go inside the house to use the toilet!!! He did explain that he didn't think he could back in the house because when he first got there, he and the little girl went in the house to get something and they accidentally let the dog out without a leash or collar so he didn't think he should go back in again. Yes, honey you're right. You shouldn't just go in someone's house like you own it. But I'm preeeetty sure you definitely should ask an adult to take you inside if you need to poop. Good. Gravy.
So, now here I sit, hoping the neighbor 1. Doesn't find the poop; 2. Finds it, but assumes it's the doing of her dog; or 3. It monsoon rains and washes any evidence into oblivion. Given #1 and #3 are highly unlikely, and I'm guessing she will question the origin of said poop since she had JUST picked up all of the dog poop in order to mow, I'm thinkin' I need to have a little chat with her and once again profusely apologize for my child's animal on safari behavior.
We are totally kicking ass at this living in the suburbs thing.
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