Fun fact: When you are an incredibly clumsy person, you will hurt yourself accomplishing every day tasks, including replacing 6 mini blinds your asshat of a dog ruined.
I would cut myself some slack if I was actually installing said blinds. But no, the install is done and all I was doing was taking the shredded ones out of the little hanger thingys and putting the new ones in. When I took the old ones out I saved the little tabs that hold the blinds in the holder thingys and set them on each window sill and proceeded to unwrap/de-box the new blinds.
The Injuries
1. After putting a new blind in the hanger thingys, I bent over to retrieve the little tabs from the window sill. At which point I apparently forgot there was a freaking window in front of my head and smacked my forehead on the window. Stung for a bit, but the pain quickly subsided. The blow to my ego is still smoldering.
2. The last blind was hung. The anger was quelling. And then I hit my elbow so hard on the top of the bottom window pane, it made my middle finger go numb. It instantly swelled up. Some ice and ibuprofen seemed to take care of it. Until today. Now every time I put my elbow on my desk, I yelp and wince.
This dog is so freaking lucky she is cute.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Adventures of Miss Aiden
I'm pretty sure that when I do finally lose it and have to be committed, it is going to be because of my dog. She goes from normal loving sweet dog to Captain Insane Puppy in like .2 seconds. She is the only reason I look forward to nights being cold enough that we have to shut the windows. Because with the windows shut she doesn't absolutely freak out about a caterpillar crunching too loudly on a leaf at 12:37AM.
Saturday evening ranked right up there in the top ten times I wanted to find a pack of wild hyenas and send her back to live with her brethren. Alex and I ventured out Saturday a little before 7 in hopes of finding a fire truck at a thrift store. This child has a zillion toys, but he really loves a good fire truck. Due to the zillion toys, I am not about to drop $30-50 on another noise producing, insanity solidifying machine. Off to Goodwill and Savers!
Side note about the Goodwill store closest to us. Scary. Nothing was organized, there was a baby screaming the entire 20 minutes we were there, there were more toys on the floor than on the shelves, don't even get me started on the book section. I witnessed two little girls break two different toys and just walk away from the mess. And they didn't have any fire trucks. Moving on.
As we were leaving Goodwill, it was sprinkling. Then while we were in Savers playing with the toys, going pee, playing some more, going poop, and playing yet again, I heard two small claps of thunder. And when we came out it was pouring. Who cares about a little unexpected storm, right? Aiden, that's who.
I could tell she had done something horrible the second we walked in the house. But I remembered putting up the two baby gates blocking the upstairs, and closing both doors to the spare room, and closing the door to Alex's room. What I didn't remember was the door to the playroom. There are 7 blinds in the playroom. She shredded 6. And apparently caused such a ruckus, my next door neighbor was about to come over and see if the key was under the mat because he was concerned. Two thunderclaps. Two.
And I was standing in the middle of the demolition, blind shrapnel everywhere, just absolutely steaming, I apologized to Alex for yelling, and explained that I was really mad the dog had ruined all the blinds in his playroom. He just looks up at me while pointing to the single blind that remained in tact and says, "She didn't ruin this one Mama." Thanks Señor Silver Lining.
Saturday evening ranked right up there in the top ten times I wanted to find a pack of wild hyenas and send her back to live with her brethren. Alex and I ventured out Saturday a little before 7 in hopes of finding a fire truck at a thrift store. This child has a zillion toys, but he really loves a good fire truck. Due to the zillion toys, I am not about to drop $30-50 on another noise producing, insanity solidifying machine. Off to Goodwill and Savers!
Side note about the Goodwill store closest to us. Scary. Nothing was organized, there was a baby screaming the entire 20 minutes we were there, there were more toys on the floor than on the shelves, don't even get me started on the book section. I witnessed two little girls break two different toys and just walk away from the mess. And they didn't have any fire trucks. Moving on.
As we were leaving Goodwill, it was sprinkling. Then while we were in Savers playing with the toys, going pee, playing some more, going poop, and playing yet again, I heard two small claps of thunder. And when we came out it was pouring. Who cares about a little unexpected storm, right? Aiden, that's who.
I could tell she had done something horrible the second we walked in the house. But I remembered putting up the two baby gates blocking the upstairs, and closing both doors to the spare room, and closing the door to Alex's room. What I didn't remember was the door to the playroom. There are 7 blinds in the playroom. She shredded 6. And apparently caused such a ruckus, my next door neighbor was about to come over and see if the key was under the mat because he was concerned. Two thunderclaps. Two.
And I was standing in the middle of the demolition, blind shrapnel everywhere, just absolutely steaming, I apologized to Alex for yelling, and explained that I was really mad the dog had ruined all the blinds in his playroom. He just looks up at me while pointing to the single blind that remained in tact and says, "She didn't ruin this one Mama." Thanks Señor Silver Lining.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Hands are NOT for Hitting!
So, the hitting thing. Yeah, not so much done with this little fun time circus. He still gets very sad when the Brown Elephant Blanket is taken away and very happy upon its return, but that deal is turning out to be not quite motivation enough for this child to keep his hands to himself.
Wednesday was horrendous.
When I picked him for his doctor appointment, his teacher told me he was kind of emotional throughout the morning. Everything was great on the way to the doctor's office, while we were there, and on the way back. He laid down right away for nap when we got back and I thought we were on our way to a good afternoon. I am so easily fooled. Or gullible.
I was a bit late picking him up so I had to go to a different room because his teacher was gone for the day and they had combined two of the rooms. The teacher in that room is new and I had yet to meet her. So I walked in and introduced myself as Alex was happily screaming MOOOOOOMMMM and running over to me. All good signs. After introducing herself, the new teacher got a funny look on her face. And as she started telling me about Alex's afternoon, I began to understand the face. She was the lucky one that got to tell me that Alex's afternoon was all out terrible. He would not stop hitting his friends and then topped that off when his teacher had to physically put him in a time out and while that was happening, he hit her. Let's review. Blah, blah, blah, HE HIT HIS TEACHER. And not only did he hit his teacher, but I got to hear about from a different teacher that I have never met before. Awesomesauce for everyone.
When I asked him why he hit his teacher, he responded: "Uh, she put me in a time out Mom." I'm not really sure how to adequately type the "duh I thought this was obvious" tone with which that statement was delivered. He may as well have just worded it, "Ummm, seriously...do I have to answer this? Ok, yeah, she put me in a time out. What else was I supposed to do?"
So I did what any stellar mom would do. I sternly told him that is not a reason to hit someone and he is not allowed to hit people, especially his teacher. Then, I calmly told the new teacher to never have a three year old and cheerily said it was so nice to meet her. And we left.
Wednesday was horrendous.
When I picked him for his doctor appointment, his teacher told me he was kind of emotional throughout the morning. Everything was great on the way to the doctor's office, while we were there, and on the way back. He laid down right away for nap when we got back and I thought we were on our way to a good afternoon. I am so easily fooled. Or gullible.
I was a bit late picking him up so I had to go to a different room because his teacher was gone for the day and they had combined two of the rooms. The teacher in that room is new and I had yet to meet her. So I walked in and introduced myself as Alex was happily screaming MOOOOOOMMMM and running over to me. All good signs. After introducing herself, the new teacher got a funny look on her face. And as she started telling me about Alex's afternoon, I began to understand the face. She was the lucky one that got to tell me that Alex's afternoon was all out terrible. He would not stop hitting his friends and then topped that off when his teacher had to physically put him in a time out and while that was happening, he hit her. Let's review. Blah, blah, blah, HE HIT HIS TEACHER. And not only did he hit his teacher, but I got to hear about from a different teacher that I have never met before. Awesomesauce for everyone.
When I asked him why he hit his teacher, he responded: "Uh, she put me in a time out Mom." I'm not really sure how to adequately type the "duh I thought this was obvious" tone with which that statement was delivered. He may as well have just worded it, "Ummm, seriously...do I have to answer this? Ok, yeah, she put me in a time out. What else was I supposed to do?"
So I did what any stellar mom would do. I sternly told him that is not a reason to hit someone and he is not allowed to hit people, especially his teacher. Then, I calmly told the new teacher to never have a three year old and cheerily said it was so nice to meet her. And we left.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Check Up!
Did you know they document BMI on three year olds? Me neither!
I finally got Alex in for his 3 year check up. He is 3'3" tall and 39lbs. This puts him in the 76th percentile for height and 94th for weight. This also puts him at an 18 for BMI. Which is totally fine. That BMI is fine...but the giant jump in BMI from last year to this year apparently is a something to "keep an eye on." He has grown out faster than up this past year. Although he does not appear heavy, so I think a better description would be that he has grown more physically dense. He is one solid kid.
He also is a solid kid with 20/30 vision and an ok understanding of what the hell the nurse needed him to do during a hearing test. After his doctor said it's hard to do an adequate hearing test on 3 year olds, he asked me if I have any concerns about his hearing. I burst out laughing. His hearing? Oh no...he can hear me just fine. His listening? Now, that is something of concern.
I finally got Alex in for his 3 year check up. He is 3'3" tall and 39lbs. This puts him in the 76th percentile for height and 94th for weight. This also puts him at an 18 for BMI. Which is totally fine. That BMI is fine...but the giant jump in BMI from last year to this year apparently is a something to "keep an eye on." He has grown out faster than up this past year. Although he does not appear heavy, so I think a better description would be that he has grown more physically dense. He is one solid kid.
He also is a solid kid with 20/30 vision and an ok understanding of what the hell the nurse needed him to do during a hearing test. After his doctor said it's hard to do an adequate hearing test on 3 year olds, he asked me if I have any concerns about his hearing. I burst out laughing. His hearing? Oh no...he can hear me just fine. His listening? Now, that is something of concern.
Truck babies
So I know I was/am supposed to make sure I didn't only have traditional gender specific toys so says some article or something. Yeah, I didn't do that. I didn't intentionally not do that...I just didn't make it a priority. Alex definitely has some gender neutral toys, but he definitely doesn't have anything "girly." This little fact was brought to light when a friend was looking at a different child's "baby" and asked Alex if he had any babies at home. His response: Ummm...I have trucks?
Fast forward a couple weeks to last night. The stroller is upstairs for the first time in forever. We lent it to some friends and I just haven't managed to get it back downstairs. And now I am not sure Alex is going to be too cool with me putting it away. He brought it in the kitchen, asked me unfold it, and squealed as he pushed it into his play room. He came back with this thing stuffed with toys. A wooden train, Mack, and about 7 monster trucks. And he proudly instructed me to look at, and give kisses to, his babies.
Might be time for a doll of some sort.
Fast forward a couple weeks to last night. The stroller is upstairs for the first time in forever. We lent it to some friends and I just haven't managed to get it back downstairs. And now I am not sure Alex is going to be too cool with me putting it away. He brought it in the kitchen, asked me unfold it, and squealed as he pushed it into his play room. He came back with this thing stuffed with toys. A wooden train, Mack, and about 7 monster trucks. And he proudly instructed me to look at, and give kisses to, his babies.
Might be time for a doll of some sort.
And Forever Begins
While pondering the fact that my child is 3 years old the other day, I came to a frightening realization...Alex is old enough now that he will most likely remember the things that happen on a day to day basis. Like he will remember them forever. We are forming life memories here people.
This is insane. I have been operating the past 3 years with the fantastic safety net of no long term memory. You can't screw a kid up too bad when he can't remember what the hell happened, right? I mean, so far, he hasn't been able to tell me what he had for lunch much less remember something from the more distant past. But now? Now he will most likely have at least a faint recollection of the things that happen each and every day, when he is like 27.
Suddenly, this extreme pressure to ensure the shit we do every day will make good memories has moved in and it was definitely not invited. I have a hard enough time coming up with things to do that will mildly entertain him IN THE MOMENT. But now I have to figure out how to make sure he has good memories of his childhood? You know, memories other than his mother being in a constant state of crazed pissed off and yelling NO!
I am not expecting his childhood memory piggy bank to be filled with rainbows and kitten farts. I realize it is ok and the right thing to discipline him. But is there a way to only have him remember the times when I am Fun Mom?
This is insane. I have been operating the past 3 years with the fantastic safety net of no long term memory. You can't screw a kid up too bad when he can't remember what the hell happened, right? I mean, so far, he hasn't been able to tell me what he had for lunch much less remember something from the more distant past. But now? Now he will most likely have at least a faint recollection of the things that happen each and every day, when he is like 27.
Suddenly, this extreme pressure to ensure the shit we do every day will make good memories has moved in and it was definitely not invited. I have a hard enough time coming up with things to do that will mildly entertain him IN THE MOMENT. But now I have to figure out how to make sure he has good memories of his childhood? You know, memories other than his mother being in a constant state of crazed pissed off and yelling NO!
I am not expecting his childhood memory piggy bank to be filled with rainbows and kitten farts. I realize it is ok and the right thing to discipline him. But is there a way to only have him remember the times when I am Fun Mom?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Safety Third.
This weekend marked the first time my child wore a helmet while riding a motorized three wheeled motorcycle thingy at my parents' house. This weekend also marked the first time my child drove said motorcycle thingy into the trampoline. Good thing he was wearing a helmet, right? Wrong. The crossbar on the trampoline is exactly eye height and he was wearing a bike helmet so there was no face protector part. Based on what his little eye socket looked like shortly after the incident, I thought he was gonna have a nice shiner. But, it really doesn't look that bad.
And before you question why I only had a bike helmet on him while he was on a motorcycle, I will tell you this thing goes about 4 miles an hour. Definitely slow enough to steer around a GIANT FREAKING TRAMPOLINE. But to steer around an obstacle, you would have to be looking in the direction in which you were going. And that is not his forte.
And before you question why I only had a bike helmet on him while he was on a motorcycle, I will tell you this thing goes about 4 miles an hour. Definitely slow enough to steer around a GIANT FREAKING TRAMPOLINE. But to steer around an obstacle, you would have to be looking in the direction in which you were going. And that is not his forte.
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